Intimacy in Words - Part 2 - Day 153

 

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that within an effective agreement/relationship with a partner, communication between the partners must be constructive, supportive and effective and that if one accept and allow any back chat and reactions towards their partner, the entire relationship/agreement is being compromised, abused and sabotaged.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to only communicate with my partner regarding sex when it makes me look better, cooler and exotic and doing that from the starting point of the desire to be more desirable and attractive to him so that he would not consider leaving me for another woman and in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider that if I require to seduce my partner by using specific words in a specific tonality, the foundation of  our relationship/agreement is cracked and must be revised within the starting point of whether or not there is a possibility to develop and establish an effective relationship/agreement that is based on a support structure that would result in with our self empowerment and growth to stand, be and become the utmost effective human beings in this world that would walk in every moment of breath within and as the principle of that which is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to develop and establish an effective and intimate communication with my partner because I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've been trying to hide and run away from facing myself in any given moment by walking into a relationship/agreement that wouldn't support me in any way, to expose and reveal myself as what I've become which through seeing myself as who I am now, I could take self responsibility into changing and transforming myself into an effective human being in this world with the assistance and support of myself in particular and my partner as an additional support.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner and react in anger when and as he had done something that I didn't liked/approved and in that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that unless my partner and I would write an agreement of what we would accept and allow within ourselves, each other and this world as  whole, we would react, spite, and resent each other as our communication from the get go wasn't effective, supported and agreed upon, when and as our expectation from each other wouldn't meet and/or stand in alignment to the physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed having expectation from my partner and when those expectation didn't meet the physical reality as my partner didn't stand according to my expectations, I've reacted in anger, frustration and resentment without seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no way my partner can stand according to my expectations if we haven't communicated about it and looked at the starting point to see if the point is practical and supportive for both of us and through that, coming together within an agreement whether or not we would walk this point or simply let it go as that is what's best for all.

 

 

 

 

Being Touched by my Partner in Public.

Day 2

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect being touched with love, through defining touch with the experience of love Instead of seeing what touch IS as the physical expression of touch, in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see that touch is simply a physical touch and has nothing to do with any type of emotions or feeling that was generated/activated in my mind in the moment of being touched by my partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from touch through giving it specific properties according to the who/what is touching me and who/what I’m touching.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed interpretation of where I am within my relationship/agreement according to how my partner is touching me in public instead of seeing Who I am within the moment of touch – Here or in my mind? and thus, when and as I see myself going into my mind in a moment of touch, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here. If I see that in that moment, I’m not able to direct and move myself out of the mind, I take a step back, breathe, direct the point immediately within me, to not accept and allow any moment of separation to exist within and as me through abdicating the responsibility of remaining Here, in the physical reality.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from a physical touch through defining touch as sexual and intimate when and as I’m being touched by my partner in public.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed touch to define me and tell me where I am in relation to my relationship with my partner instead of standing, moving and directing myself and my relationship with my partner so that we could both walk our process effectively within a support structure that we’ve established for ourselves.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the experience of being touched by my partner in public to be an experience of being validated by another. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the need to be validated by another instead of standing in self trust in every moment as the directive principle of myself and my world.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the desire to be touched by my partner in public to define my relationship with my partner instead of sticking to practical common sense agreement where both partner agreed on the specificity of how to assist and support each other in the process of stepping out of the mind into the physical reality.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the desire to be touched by my partner in public to have control over me to such an extent where – if my partner touches me in public, I feel safe within our relationship and if my partner doesn’t touch me, I feel insecure and participate in doubt stream of thoughts in my mind.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship with my partner according to whether or not I am being touched in public by my partner wherein if my partner touches me in public, I define our relationship as stable and if he doesn’t, I define our relationship as doomed to fall.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire being touched by my partner in public so that my partner will be marked as unavailable to all the women that see him touching me and within that, in the moment of being touched, instead of focusing on the physical touch through and as the breath, I’ve accepted and allowed a moment of superiority/proudness to control enslave and direct me so that I won’t see the Why and How I’ve designed myself as a personality that require touch for self definition, self worth and self trust and for not seeing my accepted and allowed existence of me as inferiority.
I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the core/source point of the desire to be touched by my partner in public through my participation in thoughts/emotions/feeling in moments of being touched. I realize that the core/source point of the desire to be touched is due to the fear of ending up alone as well as fear of lose.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself through the fear of ending up being alone, create a personality relationship with my mind in relation to being touched by my partner in public and within that, I’ve abdicated the responsibility of assisting and supporting myself to bring myself back here, to and as the physical reality.
I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between the desire of being touched by my partner in public and the fear of ending up alone as well as fear of lose.
I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the fear of ending up alone as well as fear of lose in relation to being touched by my partner in public because when and as I was touched by my partner in public, I felt good and positive energy and when I wasn’t touched by my partner in public, I felt bad and negative energy and thus, by accepting and allowing myself to exists as energy, either negative or positive, I’ve not allowed myself to see the core/source point of the desire to be touched by my partner in public so that I won’t have to face the fear and see the fear for what it is.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed frustration to emerge when the desire to be touched activated and yet, my partner have not touched me in public however, instead of investigating the acceptance of frustration to emerge from within me and what I’m actually showing to myself as what I perceive myself to be lacking of, I’ve accepted my partner for who and what he is as the mind because I feared that if I communicate about it, he will leave me and I will end up alone. Within that, I’ve not only sabotaged and compromised myself through not taking the responsibility of facing myself, I’ve sabotage and compromise my partner if there was a point within him in relation to touch which he hasn’t faced yet and I haven’t done anything to point it out.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the desire to be touched by my partner in public to sabotage with how I’m directing myself and my world because even though there were obvious signs that my partners weren’t align with me and my process, I’ve allowed the touch and the desire to be touched to blind me and take me down the road of a relationship that is in no way supports me nor my partner.
When and as my partner touch me in public, I focus on the physical touch. If I see myself going into my mind as energy, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back to my human physical body.
When and as I see myself accessing frustration that my partner doesn’t touch me in public, I immediately stop and bring the point back to self. I breathe in, I breathe out and I’m letting the frustration go because I realize that becoming frustrated indicate that I’ve separated myself from myself by perceiving myself to be lacking of that which I did get from my partner to fulfill my desire to be touched so that I won’t have to face the fear of ending up alone.