How fear can control your life (Part one) - Day 482

Within my Woman's Journey to Life blog, I have been walking extensively  the point of relationship to assist and support myself and other women in the world to get to the nitty gritty of ourselves when it comes to relationship with a male so that we are able to create and develop effective relationships with ourselves and as such, with another;

 

In this blog series though, I will show how one point of fear, fear of parents in relation to one's sexuality, created consequences in my life and how in looking back, these consequences could have been prevented if I was more aware of my mind and my thinking processes. Thus, if you are a teenager or a parent to a teenager, you will be able to walk with me, into my introspection process and hopefully support yourself and/or your child by understanding the teenager's thought processes, if sexuality isn't a topic that is openly discussed at home.

 

With me, I didn't feel that I have anyone to talk when I was a teenager and many teenagers today can relate to this experience of not being able to share themselves unconditionally with their parents/friends/partners. Unfortunately, many of the teenagers that feel that way, tend to become secretive in doing things behind the parents' back, hoping that what the parents don't know won't hurt them; only that in many cases, the teenagers are the ones who get hurt, by making reckless decisions that are based on unconscious fears.

 

What I found in my process of introspection of my own mind, was that the mind is layered with memories and information and sometimes, when I 'think' that I got to the source in relation to one specific pattern that played out in my life, a new layer opens up, uncovering another piece of information in my journey of getting to know myself as the mind.

 

A few days ago, I was asked a simple question: "How did I feel about relationships in the past?" interestingly enough, I "thought" that I knew the answer because I've walked that path before when I investigated who I was in my past relationships. At the same time, there was a point of resistance towards the question because I couldn't allocate the point of 'feeling about' past relationship; what does it mean 'feel about' something?!

 

When I started writing the point for myself, I walked again my first relationship but this time, more focusing on my hidden back chat, the thoughts/feeling/emotions that I couldn't even admit to myself. As I mentioned in one of my blogs, my first partner was like 'prince charming' whereas I could experience myself in a way that I always imagined relationships to feel like - he loved me like no one else did before, he was expressive, romantic, caring, intimate. He was one of this unique guys that would write songs for me, sing them to me, write me love letters and so forth - it was really a relationship that every girl would want for herself and yet, out of the blow, I broke up with him.

 

For years I tried to justify for myself why I broke up with him, making myself believe that I wanted something more, I wanted maturity in the sense of taking our relationship to the next step of getting married and moving out of our parents' house but because we were only 16 years old, this future was far away in time and I couldn't wait till that future manifest. I made myself believe that I broke up with him so that I could find another man whom with I am able to manifest this future sooner because I didn't like the way I experienced myself at home and I hoped that once I move out, I could expression all these expression that I suppressed at home.

 

Though, as I said before, another layer opened up this time where I was able to see the real reason of why I broke up with him and how by doing so, I compromised myself and created consequences for years to come.

 

This I will continue sharing in my next blog post.

 

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Are work - Nomi Chi

 

 

 

Pornography Messed up my Sex Life - Life Review - Day 238

 

A few days ago, I listened to the Interview - Pornography Messed up my Sex Life - Live Review and I found it fascinating in understanding the Minds of those who are addicted to Porn - the ins and out of the Design of the Addiction to Porn and what is it that these people are actually facing within and as themselves.

 

While walking my Process of writing and taking on the Point of Relationships and Sex, I've seen how with some of the partners that I've been with, which were addicted to Porn, the Relationship couldn't stand because I took it Personally and was sure that the reason why the relationship didn't stand was because of my performance in bed. And holly fuck, it is so absurd that we've turn Sex to Performance and within that, limited Sex to such an extant that it is in no way an expression of 2 people coming together to explore, assist and support themselves and their physical.  

If only I had the tools that I have now to assist and support myself and my partner, much of the experiences that I faced within my relationships with men, could be prevented and corrected as I now see, realize and understand why and how beings finds themselves addicted to Porn and what it is within them that they either Fear or perceive themselves to be lacking off which then, they would go into Porn.

 

Understand - we have the tendency to Judge that which we don't understand; to Judge people that are walking a different life path than how we think and perceive life should be lived; we judge the consequences of Porn for instance within our society; What we have missed and didn't realize is that Judgement is a reaction to a well known Problem but instead of getting to the root/source/core/origin of the problem, we would either ignore, suppress, hide and/or Deny; or we would focus all our attention to our reaction, not realizing that the reaction is nothing but a distraction to actually face the point we faced within and as ourselves. But there is another way - we could stand up and find Solutions to Prevent the Problem from re-emerge and/or Re-occur. This is what Desteni is all about - Prevention as the Ultimate Cure.

 

Thus, instead of Judging or Blame, Let's educate ourselves to Understand the Mind and what we have become as the Mind; let's Expand ourselves in getting to know how our mind works and functions to the nitty gritty details because once we'll know ourselves as the totality of our minds, we would understand and see directly the totality of the universal mind and would be able to Prevent Consequences instead of Judging them; we would be able to take responsibility instead of shifting responsibility. We would be able to assist and support others in showing them, what we have seen for ourselves. Our Process is of Prevention, and Porn for that matter - it is not about closing down the Porn industry, that will only cause more friction and conflict in people's mind as this is not a real and substantial solution but a cover up for the real/source/origin/core of the Problem. the Prevention for that matter would be Education, the Studies of the Mind within all the Layers of the mind so that one could see for oneself how and why one had developed and established a relationship to and towards Porn and accordingly, one would find it much more easy to realize oneself once one would understand the design that one had accepted and allowed oneself to exists within and as.

 

So, If you find yourself addicted to Porn, or if you are in a relationship where your partner is addicted to Porn, I suggest listening to this interview to assist and support you in getting to know yourself and/or your Partner as what drives one into developing and establishing a close relationship with Porn.

Intimacy in Practical Application - Part 2 - Day 155

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

Intimacy in Words - Part 2 - Day 153

Intimacy in Practical Application - Part 1 - Day 154

 

I commit myself to SHOW why and how we have never developed and established an effective communication with ourselves as well as each other as we have always been separated ourselves from ourselves and existence as a whole through continually and consistently Fearing each others and what we would discover about ourselves when and as we give ourselves the permission to really get to know ourselves as our mind because we know that once our communication with ourselves would be in place, we would force ourselves to change as we discover our self dishonesties and could no longer live with ourselves; and we know that for one to change, one must give up that which one had defined oneself as which we believe to be hard/tough and unrewarded as we no longer be motivated and encouraged by our society bur rather, each step, each moment, each breath would be our own self movement, our own self will, our own self responsibility in self honesty which is by itself - the hardest thing one can ever transform oneself into - Self honest living human being that direct and move oneself and one's world according to that which is best for all and therefor, we have decided to suppress our communication with ourselves so that we won't ever get to this point of becoming responsible for our own self creation. The question would now be - will we dare to change despite what we have defined ourselves as, despite our fear to change? Would we dare to develop and establish an effective communication with all the parts of ourselves? Would we dare to LIVE as a physical expression as LIFE that is best for all?

 

I commit myself to SHOW that within this current world system, no one is in fact teaching, educating and showing how one can stand in absolute self honest expression within oneself and in this, having communication with oneself and therefor each other that is based on a support structure that would create and manifest a world that is best for all.

 

I commit myself to SHOW that an effective communication with each other must start with developing an effective communication with oneself so that self can first get to know self and all its parts and accordingly, align self to that which is best for all through which one would stand as an example and show to others how to stand, walk, direct and move self into having a direct communication with oneself that is based on self honesty living consideration for all that is here in oneness and equality and so - we would create a world that is based on Equality through utilizing communication to investigate and explore our natural physical requirement as well as our relationship between our mind and the physical to sustain a fulfilment life, a life that consider everything and everyone and a life where we respect and support our neighbours as ourselves, equal and one.

 

I commit myself to SHOW that parents has no clue in how to support their children to be and become an effective human beings in this world and through being ineffective parent, the parents are directly responsible for this mass that is manifested in this world as they have not communicated with themselves, investigating how and why they have accepted and allowed themselves to be and become a self interest creature that sucks the Life from EARTH in maintaining their own desire for an experience with no consideration at all for others but themselves. And thus, through parents not taking the responsibility to establish an effective communication with themselves, they create their children in a separated cocoon where the child would become the parent and teach their children the same as their parents had taught them and so - we create a world where abuse and suffering is only getting worst as the generations are becoming more and more stuck within their mind = allowing others to experience that which they would never accept and allow themselves to experience and the cycle of abuse continues and the suffering is growing until it would be too late.. And what then? Isn't it better if we stop manifesting consequences which we cannot correct? Isn't it better to develop an intimate communication with oneself, getting to know self and self's relationship to the mind and in this, assist and support oneself to transform oneself to a living physical human  being that consider everything and everyone in Oneness and Equality? I'm one vote for self honesty self communication- visit the Desteni I Process website and start today your process of self transformation.

Intimacy in Practical Application - Part 1 - Day 154

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

Intimacy in Words - Part 2 - Day 153

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself in developing and establishing an effective communication with myself where, I slowly but surely walking out of my mind, allowing myself to become absolutely honest with myself and leaving no suppressed system behind and in this, I commit myself to effectively walk my Agreement Course to assist and support myself in establishing this commitment that I've set forth to myself as I see, realize and understand that the Agreement course is the stepping stone in establishing an effective relationship with self, which from that, one is able to establish an effective relationship with others.

Thus, when and as I face resistance to walk through my lessons and assignments, I stop, let go of this resistance as I see, realize and understand that the existence of the resistance is due to a fear of change and as I commit myself to change who I have become, I push through the resistance and walk myself through the lessons as the assignments and in that, giving myself the permission to change.

 

I commit myself to develop and establish an effective communication regarding sex and sexuality with myself. In this, to explore and investigate my human physical body so that when sex is here, I will not accept and allow any form of self abuse that may harm my body.

 

In this, I commit myself to accept and allow myself to walk in alignment with my prospect partner regarding sex and sexuality and within this, share, explore and investigate together the physical support required to our bodies because I see, realize and understand the extent of separation we have accepted and allowed from and as our human physical body and the consequences therefore wherein, within accepting and allowing walking in misalignment to/as our human physical body, we accept and allow the abuse of the body that we have given to walk with in this one life time.

 

I commit myself to form, establish and develop communication with my prospect partner wherein, we would investigate together and commit within an agreement regarding to how we would walk this life, what we would accept and allow and what we would not, how are we going to assist and support ourselves within our processes and how we would utilize the physical support within and as sex. I see realize and understand that without having a stable foundation to an agreement, abuse, sabotage and compromise will be allowed which is a point I will not tolerate, accept and allow to exists within me and my world.

 

I commit myself to Stop my reactions towards people in my world as I see, realize and understand that having reaction indicate a point within myself that is not aligned and must be looked at, investigated and sorted out. In this, I commit myself to take the responsibility, when and as I see myself accessing these reactions, to Stop, Breathe and bring myself back here and to in this, stop my participation in my mind, to change my living application that I've allowed to manifest in that moment and to immediately change myself, here, without any form of excuse like: "oh, I will write it down later, I will look at this point later, I can't do it write now", as I see, realize and understand that any form of excuses to not change myself in a quantum time moment is accepting and allowing my own opinions to enslave and control me and in that, sabotage myself and my relationships with others. I realize that all it takes is a self honest decision to STOP, Transform and Change and it is ME who Decide to either remain enslaved or to change.

 

I commit myself to write down my expectations from my prospect partner to see how can I align/transform/change my expectation to what is here as best for all principle within what I would accept and allow and what I would not from myself as well as my partner and in doing so, to investigate in self honesty my opinions, beliefs, ideas and essentially my starting point within these expectation and to make sure there is no previous pattern and/or fears that is guiding and leading these expectation with no common sense foundation in alignment to/as what is best for all. In this, I commit myself to communicate with my partner and establishing the basic foundation for our agreement.

Intimacy in Words - Part 2 - Day 153

 

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that within an effective agreement/relationship with a partner, communication between the partners must be constructive, supportive and effective and that if one accept and allow any back chat and reactions towards their partner, the entire relationship/agreement is being compromised, abused and sabotaged.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to only communicate with my partner regarding sex when it makes me look better, cooler and exotic and doing that from the starting point of the desire to be more desirable and attractive to him so that he would not consider leaving me for another woman and in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider that if I require to seduce my partner by using specific words in a specific tonality, the foundation of  our relationship/agreement is cracked and must be revised within the starting point of whether or not there is a possibility to develop and establish an effective relationship/agreement that is based on a support structure that would result in with our self empowerment and growth to stand, be and become the utmost effective human beings in this world that would walk in every moment of breath within and as the principle of that which is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to develop and establish an effective and intimate communication with my partner because I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've been trying to hide and run away from facing myself in any given moment by walking into a relationship/agreement that wouldn't support me in any way, to expose and reveal myself as what I've become which through seeing myself as who I am now, I could take self responsibility into changing and transforming myself into an effective human being in this world with the assistance and support of myself in particular and my partner as an additional support.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner and react in anger when and as he had done something that I didn't liked/approved and in that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that unless my partner and I would write an agreement of what we would accept and allow within ourselves, each other and this world as  whole, we would react, spite, and resent each other as our communication from the get go wasn't effective, supported and agreed upon, when and as our expectation from each other wouldn't meet and/or stand in alignment to the physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed having expectation from my partner and when those expectation didn't meet the physical reality as my partner didn't stand according to my expectations, I've reacted in anger, frustration and resentment without seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no way my partner can stand according to my expectations if we haven't communicated about it and looked at the starting point to see if the point is practical and supportive for both of us and through that, coming together within an agreement whether or not we would walk this point or simply let it go as that is what's best for all.

 

 

 

 

Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm able to communicate unconditionally with my partner before I have even investigated, developed and establish an a effective communication with myself within and as self integrity and self honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to get to know myself within and as my own sexual expression and within that, have believed that my partner would know how to satisfied me without even realizing that how can ever someone else satisfied me if I never have been able to satisfied myself to the extent of which I'm equal to and one as my human physical body, slowly but surely exploring myself and accordingly, able to communicate with my self with regards to what my human physical body required as a support structure and so, communicate with my partner as to what would support me the most within and as our connectedness regarding our human physical bodies.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have experience shame to speak and communicate about my sexuality with my partner, not ever considering that if I cannot communicate with my partner regarding my physical body support within and as sex, what is the nature of our relationship? And what is it in essence we are busy doing to ourselves and each other if the support structure is not yet standing in alignment to who we are?; what is our foundation for the relationship if it is not based on self honesty communication within and as myself first, and accordingly, move and direct myself within the relationship through communication that is based on effective support as to where we are in our processes and how we could both assist and support ourselves and each other.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience shame for wanting to explore and investigate who I am within and as sex; What is sex to me and Why is my physical human body require sex and so, I have judged these common sense basic necessity to get to know myself in all my relationships to myself as I've defined it as wrong/bad/immoral through what I've picked up by our society in its relationship to sex and sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that my communication with my partner is effective only when we shared with each other for example, how do we experience ourselves, our days etc. and through my definition of a good and effective communication, I've neglected to consider our sexual communication as I've defined that communication to only be a physical expression that result with pleasure and I haven't consider the actual communication where we share and show each others how to support each other within and as our sexual expression and within that, how to assist and support each other to transform our mind sex expression to a physical unconditional expression.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define Intimacy in association to the physical act of sex only and haven't realized the Living Word as - Into Me I see, becoming comfortable with and as myself, getting to know the ins and outs of myself within all my relationships that I've split myself into and as and to within that, get all the parts of me together. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that when and as I communicate with a being about sex and sexuality, I'm invading an intimate secretive aspect that I must filter myself and be careful with the words I speak.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself define Intimacy within a sexual context and I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be and become intimate with myself nor with other beings in my world and my environment as I've placed opinions about Intimacy that trapped me in my own seclusion of my mind, fearing my own shadow, not allowing anything or anyone to invade my secretive self. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand the consequence of my acceptance and allowances of fearing intimacy to the extent of not being able to even establish a communication with myself and obviously others.

 

To be continued..