Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 2 - Day 143

This is a continuation to:

Multiple Partners? Shame on you - Part 1 - Day 142

 

Some time during my childhood years, I heard someone judging one's parents for being only with each other since they were kids. This being said that he can't imagine having one partner throughout one's life time and said they have no idea what they have missed and whether or not their partner is a good sex partner because they do not have any reference point. Obviously, I was a child and didn't know what this being was saying.. But now, when walking my Journey into discovering my sexual suppressions and sexual patterns, I see, realize and understand that that very statement this being has made, imprinted into my flesh and from that moment onwards I've made the decision that I will never merry with my first sex partner and I will have multiple sexual experiences so that I know what sex is and what specifically a good sex is.

 

It is interesting how we fuck ourselves with making decisions that are based in fear, making decision without even being aware of our decisions being made; interesting the influences we are exposed to without having any tools to filter in common sense where the other beings as potential influences are in their own process.

 

So, I see now another dimension for why I've decided to break up from my first boyfriend before even having sex with him and it was because I knew, he cannot be the ONE. How can he be if I'm going to break up with him anyway because I wouldn't allow myself to be with the first guy I slept with.

 

And so, I've started my sexual journey - making sure my partners won't be the ONEs so that I can have sexual EXPERIENCES lol.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to never be and marry the first guy I was having sex with because I believed I would miss out sexual experiences without even being aware of what is it that I'm missing out. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to FEAR missing out if I marry the first partner I had because I wouldn't have any reference points with regards to sex and thus, I would end up regretting, having boring sex life and be frustrated when I realized I made a mistake that cannot be taken back.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imprint someone's statements as one's opinions with regards to having one partner of multiple partners and accordingly, making the decision of having multiple partners so that I would make sure that before I settle in, I'll have many sexual experiences and I would be certain that my partner can satisfied me for as long as I live. I see, realize and understand how and why I've made the decision of having multiple sex partner throughout my life and how through one single statement another being has made, I have accepted and allowed myself to based life decisions with regards to sex, sexuality and my choices in partners.

 

In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define, connect, associate the idea of having one partner throughout one's life as having a boring, unsatisfied and frustrating relationship and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge people who had only had one partner in their life as boring which through this, I've made the decision to have as many sexual partner as possible before getting married so that I can be certain that I've experienced enough, I'm a cool person and no one would see me as boring human being.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how and why I have become my own enemy as I've disrespected myself to the extent of making decisions that do not support me and my human physical body but rather, support an idea that I've heard as a child that would stand within and as my decision that I've made as a child to not marry the first guy I was sleeping with.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself a world where the media stimulate and encourage beings to have multiple sexual experiences with various partners and within that, define those beings as cool while the others are boring and dorks. And in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to live in a world where children are being supported in realizing why and how an agreement is the platform to experience and explore oneself as Sex, in self intimacy with oneself and one's partner.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel that I must prove myself to my friends and show them how cool I am when sleeping around and having meaningless sex with partner that do not respect me in a direct relationship to how I didn't respect myself and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to need being validated by friends as cool through having sex with cool guys and I haven't realized how and why I've abused and sabotage myself within my own desire of wanting to feel belong.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to assess my relationships through whether or not I had enough sexual experiences instead of assessing my relationships with males according to whether the relationship is supporting us both, in developing intimate and physical communication, exploring physical sexuality and coming together in agreement of individual and mutual assistance and support within our processes.