Intimacy in Words - Part 1 - Day 152

This is a continuation to:

Developing Intimate sexual communication with Self - Day 151

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm able to communicate unconditionally with my partner before I have even investigated, developed and establish an a effective communication with myself within and as self integrity and self honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to get to know myself within and as my own sexual expression and within that, have believed that my partner would know how to satisfied me without even realizing that how can ever someone else satisfied me if I never have been able to satisfied myself to the extent of which I'm equal to and one as my human physical body, slowly but surely exploring myself and accordingly, able to communicate with my self with regards to what my human physical body required as a support structure and so, communicate with my partner as to what would support me the most within and as our connectedness regarding our human physical bodies.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have experience shame to speak and communicate about my sexuality with my partner, not ever considering that if I cannot communicate with my partner regarding my physical body support within and as sex, what is the nature of our relationship? And what is it in essence we are busy doing to ourselves and each other if the support structure is not yet standing in alignment to who we are?; what is our foundation for the relationship if it is not based on self honesty communication within and as myself first, and accordingly, move and direct myself within the relationship through communication that is based on effective support as to where we are in our processes and how we could both assist and support ourselves and each other.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience shame for wanting to explore and investigate who I am within and as sex; What is sex to me and Why is my physical human body require sex and so, I have judged these common sense basic necessity to get to know myself in all my relationships to myself as I've defined it as wrong/bad/immoral through what I've picked up by our society in its relationship to sex and sexuality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that my communication with my partner is effective only when we shared with each other for example, how do we experience ourselves, our days etc. and through my definition of a good and effective communication, I've neglected to consider our sexual communication as I've defined that communication to only be a physical expression that result with pleasure and I haven't consider the actual communication where we share and show each others how to support each other within and as our sexual expression and within that, how to assist and support each other to transform our mind sex expression to a physical unconditional expression.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define Intimacy in association to the physical act of sex only and haven't realized the Living Word as - Into Me I see, becoming comfortable with and as myself, getting to know the ins and outs of myself within all my relationships that I've split myself into and as and to within that, get all the parts of me together. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that when and as I communicate with a being about sex and sexuality, I'm invading an intimate secretive aspect that I must filter myself and be careful with the words I speak.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself define Intimacy within a sexual context and I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be and become intimate with myself nor with other beings in my world and my environment as I've placed opinions about Intimacy that trapped me in my own seclusion of my mind, fearing my own shadow, not allowing anything or anyone to invade my secretive self. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand the consequence of my acceptance and allowances of fearing intimacy to the extent of not being able to even establish a communication with myself and obviously others.

 

To be continued..

Life of Regret - Day 75

For context

please read the Creation to Life blog: Day 7: Letting Go of Regret

As well as my blog: Illusion Reality vs. the Physical Reality - Day 3

And watch: Illusion Reality vs. the Physical Reality YouTube video.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the past is done and cannot be changed however, what can be changed is the recreation of consequences that I would manifested if I wouldn't take absolute responsibility for myself and my world and allow my PAST to direct and enslave me through my accepted and allowed automated behaviours, reactions, beliefs, etc which I would later on may defined as a regret. Within that, I see, realize and understand my responsibility within that which I've created for myself and this world in absolute ignorance and stupidity.

I commit myself to delete the ties of my past trough a process of stopping pattern by pattern, breath by breath to for once and for all, stop myself from creating unnecessarily consequences that will influence not only me, but the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how it is impractical, useless and worthless to access the emotion of Regret when and as thoughts comes up within me, telling me that I could have done something different to get my desired outcome.

I commit myself to utilize regret as a gift where I can expand and grow myself within a practical corrective application where I take self responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself in my past, stand as the directive principle and change myself within and as the principle of oneness and equality as I see, realize and understand that accessing regret will not and cannot support me if I wallow within it, participating in back chat into a complete possession.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control the outcome and forced the physical reality according to my desires without taking into considerations all the relationships that are involved within and as this existence and unless my desire isn't that which is best for all, the outcome will never be equal to and one as my desires that I've created within and as me, in separation of myself and all that is here. For context - please read - Illusion Reality vs. the Physical Reality - Day 3.

I commit myself to show and explain in writing why is it that the physical reality and the illusionary reality will never stand as Equal as long as the illusionary reality is based on self interest desires and within that context, how to assist and support oneself to let go of the illusionary reality and stand as the directive principle of oneself and one's world within and as the physical reality

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access regret when a relationship that I've walked with a partner has failed and within that have defined myself as a failure, exactly as my Ego dictate me to feel however, what I have failed to realized was that the Regret can only exists if somewhere within me, I knew that I've deliberately ignored the red flags with regards to my alignment with a partner (for context, read: How to Choose a Partner – Day 21).

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in relationships on terms that is based in self interest and that time and time again fail to produce a result that is best for all parts of the relationship and that eventually always end in regret." Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect for a specific outcome that I've planed thoroughly within my illusionary mind domain and when the illusionary reality and the physical reality didn't meet, I had to let go of the fantasy, though still held on regret so that I could start again to plan the next illusion, despite of me seeing quite clearly that I will build up the energy charge within and as the illusionary domain until the point where I would realize that the fantasy won't come through, I would then let it go within regret and continue again and again and again.

I commit myself to never again walk a relationship that I have planned in prepared in my illusionary mind domain, as I see realize and understand that the relationship that I've prepared myself for, in my mind, was to fulfil my self interest desires wherein the outcome of those relationships, if I actually follow my mind, will not result with the utmost potential results as I've proved it to myself time after time, throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access Regret when and as I have walked a path that others warned me about the outcome and showed me the possibilities of outcome that may manifested if I allow myself to go through a specific path and yet, I've walked the path regardless the other's suggestions and when it manifested as they have predicted, I felt regret, angry and frustrated as I had then to give up the expected outcome; accept myself as a failure, useless and worthless within the experience that my Ego is now somewhat crushed and wounded.

I commit myself to consider to learn from other people and within that context, to not let my Ego be the directive principle but rather walk as common sense principle, consider the physical reality and the equality equation within my decision making. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience Regret in relation to what I have realized about myself in the context of my responsibility towards myself and this physical creation when I faced a difficult point within my process and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the thought: "I wish I would never discover Desteni and could remain in my delusional life where everything is easy and fun" to come up from within and as me. Also, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the nature of the regret within that context is a manipulation tactic of my mind, to push me into giving up on myself because the last thing the mind wants me to do is changing and stopping its existence so that I could become LIFE as a physical living human being.

I commit myself to stand as an example for those who start walking their process of discovering the real nature of themselves through sharing my own process and the point that I have faced and still face as I see, realize and understand that we are all the same and walking the same points with different outfits and through my example, other people won't necessary walk the mistakes that I have made.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience Regret for not starting to walk my Journey to Life  within daily Self Forgiveness application, 3 years ago and have thus, time looped many many points that I could have already deleted, corrected and changed. within that, I see, realize and understand that I cannot turn the wheel of time back but can only assist and support myself from this day onwards and thus, accessing regret is but nothing of a waste of my time that I could use to actually support myself and others in this physical reality.