Can you put your past behind? Day 518

Can you put your past behind and forgive those who hurt you?

Can you put your past behind and see the true potential of those who wounded you the most?

Can you forgive yourself? Can you forgive your past? Can you forgive others?

 

I found that the most difficult thing in my process was moving myself to a point of absolute forgiveness towards myself and/or others and especially in situations where I perceived others doing something to me with the experience of them stabbing me in my back. It is interesting to see how the thoughts were always in the nature of blame and anger towards the others and inside of me, self-responsibility was rarely to be taken.

 

I've been walking the process of self-forgiveness for quite some time and yet, there were times that I felt that I just could not forgive the other and I pushed them out of my life to protect myself from getting hurt again. Even though I could see and understand the mind pre-program design that took place, I felt that I couldn't absolutely forgive them and I justified to myself that the person will access the pre-program design again and will hurt me again. And oh boy, I really believed myself. Guess what? What happened when you fear something? You create it.

 

I found myself in a vicious cycle, unable to move myself to a point of resolution, forgiveness and creation and was stuck in anger, blame and fear; and what I fear the most manifested in my reality - the experience of betrayal and stabs in my back repeated itself which further enhanced my belief that the other cannot be trusted. Inside myself, I this concluded that removing them from my life is the best thing to do.

 

Interestingly enough, I was asking myself the most powerful question - If I cannot move myself to a point of absolute forgiveness, how can I expect others to create a world of respect, integrity and support of one another? If I am unable to move myself to absolute forgiveness, how can I expect others to change? If I am unable to let go of the past and start creating a supportive relationship with those whom I perceived to hurt me the most, how can I expect humanity to move towards creation by letting go of revenge, anger and blame?

 

When I looked at the above questions, another dimension opened up - If I cannot forgive another when their preprogram design played out - not only that I am sabotaging myself, I am also compromising the other as I am not standing in a point of support for them. I doom them to forever be stuck in their preprogram design because I took their program personally and haven't supported them to change; I doom myself to forever remain in anger, blame and fear and I lock down any possibility to create a change for myself and them. This was something I could not accept and allow to exist within myself. And so, I created a space inside of me for absolute forgiveness.

 

By moving myself to a point of absolute forgiveness, I discovered what it means to create and the potential that lies when we stop holding the past against ourselves and others. The power of absolute and genuine forgiveness is undeniable; It is only through absolute forgiveness that a change that is worthwhile, is possible. This is a gift beyond and gifts. This is a gift that only ourselves can give to ourselves.

 

Suppressed Self Expression - The Beginning of the End - Day 102

This is a continuation to

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a child in this world, to when and as I hear grownups making a statement in judgement towards other human being's expression, to invert the statement into me and from that moment onwards, suppress my beingness as self expression within and as fear that if I allow myself to express myself, I would be mocked and judged by others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to make a statement in the nature of judgement towards other being's expression when and as my child can hear me and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences of accepting and allowing myself to judge other being's expression within and as myself and how it will effect my child's Life as the Expression of who my child is wherein from this moment onward, my child will make the decision to suppress one's expression to make sure, that one will never be in a position of judgement by others. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my own suppressed expression character that I've created within and as myself to be able to exits within our society as its norms and codes, and I haven't seen, realized and understood how I was the one who decided to suppress my expression as who I am, already from a very young age, when I heard/seen my parents judging someone's expression and feared being judged as well, if I accept and allow myself to express myself unconditionally. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I was the one who have accepted and allowed myself, to pass on, generation after generation the suppressed expression character because I haven't took my responsibility to educate myself, to see for myself what I've done to myself within the decision to suppress my expression to the extent to which I have become an automated machine that is able to sustain and maintain myself within our environment and existence as a whole, as enslaved and controlled beings to the world system as without, and to our mind as within. I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to take my power back to myself, within the realization that I am the one who decides and to thus decide to put a stop to the supressed expression that is emerging generation after generation and to free myself from my own imprisonment of myself in my mind, and the imprisonment of others in their mind through the example that I decide to be and become - within and as my Living Physical Expression.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to Judge that which I do not understand and according to the judgement, suppress my beingness as self expression, Here, because as a child in this world, I gave value to what those who have come before me taught me - who I am, what I am, how should I express myself and how should I not and have thus, abdicated my responsibility to see, move and direct me as who I am in every given moment and accordingly, express myself unconditionally as who I decide I am to be in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imprison myself within my human physical body, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am my human physical body in its totality and that in that moment of imprisonment, I've separated myself from myself as my human physical body, allowed systems to integrate to and as my flesh and decide for me, in any given moment, who I am and how I should express myself according to society norms and codes that will ensure my survival within and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imprison me as the self expression that I am in every moment of every breath and within that, have accepted and allowed myself to always think about how I should express myself in a way that will fit in with my environment so that I could be accepted and validate and wouldn't be defined as insane. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that our society has defined insanity according to specific rules and regulation that will keep the humans enslaved and controlled by the Money System of this world and we would not, in any way, be able to step out of our characters to see, realize and understand what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become which is insanity in itself where we accept and allow our backchat to exits while we would not allow ourselves to express that which we think because we know, that when we would, we will be defined as insane and thus, to make sure we will never face our backchat as the insanity that it is, we have internalized the thoughts, feelings and emotions within the belief that no one can know what's going on in our mind and thus, no one would define us as insane; within that, we have made sure that we will never change, stop the insane thoughts/emotions/feelings that control and enslave and imprison ourselves within our human physical body until our expression is so suppressed that who we are is just an automated organic robot with no life essence whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the thought as picture in my mind of me doing a salta in the air when I see green comfortable grass or when I'm at the beach and the sand is soft and as I start moving myself towards jumping in the air, a backchat comes up: "I can't do it, I will fall" and instead of stopping the back chat to control and enslave me, I give myself the permission to follow and continue having internal conversation as fight between - "I want to do it but I fear doing it" and thus, in that moment, I have accepted and allowed my expression as who I am to be locked down within and as my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that the utmost potential of who I am is here, within any given moment as self expression where I'm the directive principle, I move myself and I asses in self honesty according to the physical equation if I can or cannot do a specific task and accordingly, act upon my decision in absolute self trust and self honesty.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the backchat: "they will think that I'm crazy" when and as I see the emergence of me as self expression of and as my human physical body moving myself as the body and instead of allowing myself to express myself in that moment as breath, I accept and allow my own self limitation and self imprisonment to dictate me what and how I should be in expression because I gave permission to fears of judgement to be my directive principle, I gave permission to the society norms and codes to be my directive principle, I gave permission to myself to follow my thoughts/emotions/feelings and within that, suppress myself as the expression that I am so that I won't be judged and mocked because what I saw during my life was that when and as someone is expressing oneself unconditionally, the person is being judged and mocked and defined as weird and I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the starting point of the person who judge, to see, realize and understand that it is in fact the very being who judges others, judges oneself as per the design and program that one has accepted oneself to be and become; I haven't seen, realized and understood that those who are judging, are not standing as an example of self expression as who they are in every given moment but rather stand as an example of imprisonment of oneself within one's mind and thus, if I accept and allow this example to be real, I accept and allow my own imprisonment, in my own mind because I am the one who decide.

I now see, realize and understand how extensive is this point which will be required to be walked in much more specificity and details and thus, I commit myself to brake down each and every memory, reaction, back chat, aspect of the suppressed expression character and walk the Self Forgiveness Process until it is done.

So again… stay tuned.

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Where and When have we "lost" our expression? Where and When have we decided to suppress who and what we are and thus have become an expression Character that will fit into the Society norms, Culture, Religion etc.?

Where and When during our Life we have decided to deny ourselves as the expression of and as Life and have become automated in our expression, an expression that will sustain us in our existence within this world system and abuse us as who we are as Life and within that, compromise our entire existence as a whole?

 

It is ridiculous that despite of me seeing that I'm suppressing my expression, I still allow it. It is ridiculous that despite of me seeing my expression emerging as who I am, I decide to lock it down due to thoughts and fears like: "what if they judge me? What if they make fun of me? What if they will think that I'm weird?" And because of those thought, I will accept and allow myself to participate within the suppressed expression character that I've created to protect myself from my environment, to protect myself from other people because I have placed value in what they have to say about me, and I've given myself no Value as LIFE as who I am when and as I accept and allow myself to suppress the beingness that I am and act as the actor in my own movie of my own life - the movie that will keep me "stable" in my environment and won't take me into a mental hospital with other people that has no barrier between what they think and what they express.

 

I mean, imagine Who and What we'll become when and as our secret mind will become equal to and one as what we express? Will we then allow ourselves to become spiteful and judgmental towards other beings in our world? No! the only reason we allow it within ourselves is because we believe it is a secret that no one will find out about and we do not even consider that they are accepting and allowing the same nature of thoughts to exists within and as them. 

 

So who will we be when and as we will give ourselves the permission to express ourselves as who we are? According to this current world system, we will be defined as insane but isn't insanity to define Self Expression as insane? Why is it that we have accepted and allowed our own self expression definition to be Equal to and One as insanity? Why is it that the Current system dictate our expression? What we have become within and as the system as suppressed expression? We have became slaves to our own boundaries that we have placed within and as ourselves to maintain and sustain us within a system that we call LIFE. Though, is it LIFE? NO!

 

Thus, how to return to ourselves as the expression of who we are as a physical living expression of and as LIFE? How to assist and support us to Express Who we are in any given moment? It is to Stop THINKING lol

 

Within this blog, I will be looking at the first moment where I've decided to suppress my expression and become equal and one as organic robot to maintain and sustain myself within and as this world system, to be validated, accepted and appreciated by everything and everyone. 

In order to Identify the Suppressed Expression Character, we will first have a look at the thought manifestation that emerge; then, we will look at the back chat that perpetuate the thought manifestation that we will blindly follow. The next step would be to identify the reactions that emerge as emotions and feelings and finally, what physical changes are manifesting in our physical human body as a complete lock down of and as the Suppressed Expression Character.

 After we'll identify those components, we would be able to have a closer look at the functionality of the Suppressed expression Character which from there, assist and support ourselves with a practical corrective living application/expression.

 

So let's start:

 

The thought manifestation:

Picture of playful child expression. Like for myself, it would be often a picture of me doing Salta jump on the grass or a picture of me Dancing.

 

The Back chat:

"I can't, I will fall"

"They will think that I'm crazy"

"Don't do it; do it; Don't do it; Do it". (which BTW - the "Don't do it" 99% of the time wins)

"shit, if they see me, they would laugh at me for ages"

"If I can't do it properly, I should not do it at all"

"But I want to do it!"

 

Reactions:

Frustration; Jealousy; comparison; embarrassment;

 

Body Change

Constriction in the shoulder area;

Needles in the solar plexus towards the heart regime;

Energy movement in my harms and hands;

Slight pressure in my head.

 

Now, I will go back to the first memory that I can recall where I decided to suppress my expression. In the blog post: Behaviour Modification - Day 74, I've walked through that memory. However, to assist and support myself to identify the first creation of the Suppressed Expression Character, I will look at some more dimensions to be able to remove that memory and stop the memory from influencing me, as who I am, as a physical expression.

 

Stay tuned for my next blog :-)

Life of Regret - Day 75

For context

please read the Creation to Life blog: Day 7: Letting Go of Regret

As well as my blog: Illusion Reality vs. the Physical Reality - Day 3

And watch: Illusion Reality vs. the Physical Reality YouTube video.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the past is done and cannot be changed however, what can be changed is the recreation of consequences that I would manifested if I wouldn't take absolute responsibility for myself and my world and allow my PAST to direct and enslave me through my accepted and allowed automated behaviours, reactions, beliefs, etc which I would later on may defined as a regret. Within that, I see, realize and understand my responsibility within that which I've created for myself and this world in absolute ignorance and stupidity.

I commit myself to delete the ties of my past trough a process of stopping pattern by pattern, breath by breath to for once and for all, stop myself from creating unnecessarily consequences that will influence not only me, but the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how it is impractical, useless and worthless to access the emotion of Regret when and as thoughts comes up within me, telling me that I could have done something different to get my desired outcome.

I commit myself to utilize regret as a gift where I can expand and grow myself within a practical corrective application where I take self responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself in my past, stand as the directive principle and change myself within and as the principle of oneness and equality as I see, realize and understand that accessing regret will not and cannot support me if I wallow within it, participating in back chat into a complete possession.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control the outcome and forced the physical reality according to my desires without taking into considerations all the relationships that are involved within and as this existence and unless my desire isn't that which is best for all, the outcome will never be equal to and one as my desires that I've created within and as me, in separation of myself and all that is here. For context - please read - Illusion Reality vs. the Physical Reality - Day 3.

I commit myself to show and explain in writing why is it that the physical reality and the illusionary reality will never stand as Equal as long as the illusionary reality is based on self interest desires and within that context, how to assist and support oneself to let go of the illusionary reality and stand as the directive principle of oneself and one's world within and as the physical reality

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access regret when a relationship that I've walked with a partner has failed and within that have defined myself as a failure, exactly as my Ego dictate me to feel however, what I have failed to realized was that the Regret can only exists if somewhere within me, I knew that I've deliberately ignored the red flags with regards to my alignment with a partner (for context, read: How to Choose a Partner – Day 21).

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in relationships on terms that is based in self interest and that time and time again fail to produce a result that is best for all parts of the relationship and that eventually always end in regret." Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect for a specific outcome that I've planed thoroughly within my illusionary mind domain and when the illusionary reality and the physical reality didn't meet, I had to let go of the fantasy, though still held on regret so that I could start again to plan the next illusion, despite of me seeing quite clearly that I will build up the energy charge within and as the illusionary domain until the point where I would realize that the fantasy won't come through, I would then let it go within regret and continue again and again and again.

I commit myself to never again walk a relationship that I have planned in prepared in my illusionary mind domain, as I see realize and understand that the relationship that I've prepared myself for, in my mind, was to fulfil my self interest desires wherein the outcome of those relationships, if I actually follow my mind, will not result with the utmost potential results as I've proved it to myself time after time, throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to access Regret when and as I have walked a path that others warned me about the outcome and showed me the possibilities of outcome that may manifested if I allow myself to go through a specific path and yet, I've walked the path regardless the other's suggestions and when it manifested as they have predicted, I felt regret, angry and frustrated as I had then to give up the expected outcome; accept myself as a failure, useless and worthless within the experience that my Ego is now somewhat crushed and wounded.

I commit myself to consider to learn from other people and within that context, to not let my Ego be the directive principle but rather walk as common sense principle, consider the physical reality and the equality equation within my decision making. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience Regret in relation to what I have realized about myself in the context of my responsibility towards myself and this physical creation when I faced a difficult point within my process and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the thought: "I wish I would never discover Desteni and could remain in my delusional life where everything is easy and fun" to come up from within and as me. Also, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the nature of the regret within that context is a manipulation tactic of my mind, to push me into giving up on myself because the last thing the mind wants me to do is changing and stopping its existence so that I could become LIFE as a physical living human being.

I commit myself to stand as an example for those who start walking their process of discovering the real nature of themselves through sharing my own process and the point that I have faced and still face as I see, realize and understand that we are all the same and walking the same points with different outfits and through my example, other people won't necessary walk the mistakes that I have made.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience Regret for not starting to walk my Journey to Life  within daily Self Forgiveness application, 3 years ago and have thus, time looped many many points that I could have already deleted, corrected and changed. within that, I see, realize and understand that I cannot turn the wheel of time back but can only assist and support myself from this day onwards and thus, accessing regret is but nothing of a waste of my time that I could use to actually support myself and others in this physical reality.