Singing Expression - Self Forgiveness - Day 107

This is a continuation to:

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

The Shyness Character - Day 104

The Shyness Character - Self Forgiveness as the parent - Day 105

The Shyness Character - Self Commitments Statements - Day 106

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the Shyness Character when and as I'm about to move myself and sing, as self expression, here, and I haven't realized that the Shyness Character that exists according to past memory experiences, is the character that I've abUSEd to diminish and suppress my expression within and as singing and thus, so long as I accept and allow the shyness character to dictate who I am and Self expression, I'm not in fact a physical living human being but rather an automated organic robot that works and functions based on past memory experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a picture in my mind of standing in front of an audience, on a small stage, Immobilized, frozen and hell scared and anxious and I haven't realized that as long as I hold onto this picture, I will not move myself and express myself in singing, as who I am within and as breath and in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my starting point with creating and holding on to this picture in my mind, and how I've (ab)USEd this picture to suppress myself, as self expression.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compare my singing skills to others and within that, created an idea that only those who are capable of singing "beautifully", according to my eye's view, can sing out loud in public and those who didn't develop these skills, are better off singing only to themselves where no one can hear them and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create an idea in my mind, of what is a valid singing and what is not and through this idea, I've participated in Comparison in my mind, of myself to others and others towards myself as the idea in my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that this idea that I used to compare with, is the stumbling stone that I've set forth for me to suppressed my expression within singing.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy towards those who are freely singing and within that, I haven't seen the process that they have walked to perfect their skills, the time they invested in practicing and thus, I haven't considering the step to step process that those people have walked to perfect themselves; instead, I've accepted and allowed myself to immediately go into reaction as jealousy, not seeing, realizing and understanding that instead of investing my time in creating jealousy within and myself, I can walk the space time process of improving and establishing my singing skills through the example of others.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to continue suppressing my own self expression and within that, deliberately ignore my body as the experience of discomfort in my entire physical body and specifically in my throat and front thighs as they all of a sudden constricted when and as I'm suppressing my physical movement as singing expression and not giving me the permission to sing;  in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I'm accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself as my human physical body, when and as I accept and allow programs/characters to automated run and decide for me who I am in every moment because I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realized that those programs/characters can only exits because I'VE created them as ME, as my own Decision to diminish and suppress myself as life that is Here in any given moment and through not seeing the physical changes, I allow my human physical body to be stressed and constricted which put pressure on my human physical organs and in essence, sabotage my body's systems.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the Supressed Singing Character within and as myself because I believed that if I would, I would be able to fit in with specific groups of people that think it is uncool to sing and I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realized what they have accepted and allowed within and as themselves as the Suppressed singing character and in addition, created the: "I'm so cool" character to hide the fact that they are accepting and allowing themselves to suppress who they are. However, because I haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate the character creations within and as myself, I've copied their character as equal and one as me. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust who I am in every moment of every breath as the expression of who I am and accordingly, have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as characters to be able to be accepted and validated in my environment, not seeing, realizing and understanding the consequences of my doing - becoming automated organic robot that works and functions in absolute ignorance of who I am as Life that is here.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to direct and move myself according to how my environment sees me and accordingly make the decision to suppress myself because I've placed value in other people's opinions, thoughts, judgements and haven't accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to what is here, as the physical reality, but rather, accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to the illusionary reality of and as the mind of myself and others.

 

Also read:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96