Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 3) - Day 477

In this blog post, I will continue sharing the story of how and why I had realized that everyone has a potential including myself and how this realization assisted me in changing the course of my life where I am able to walk as a living principle to my utmost potential. Thus, for the context, please read through the previous blog posts:

The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle - Day 474

Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 1) - Day 475

Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 2) - Day 476

 

So, for many years I didn't allow myself to give myself all that I've got - to do something that is worthwhile where I see something that I want and can be good at and just go for it because what I was holding on to was the fear of failure, of disappointing myself and others.

 

This is also why in terms of career - it was a struggle because on the one hand, I had a desire to be able to provide for myself and my family but on the other hand, the fear of failure and the disbelief in myself restrained me from walking a path to my utmost potential. Therefore, I only went for the jobs that there was no strings attached, no contract, no commitment, where I could walk away  the moment the shit hit the fan without having to look back. Obviously, in the world that we live today, it can only last for so long and eventually, I reached the point where I had one of 2 options - to either find a job that will generate a substantial income or go back to live with my parents. Going back to live with my parents was not really an option for me and I forced myself to just go and get a job.

 

So even then and there - I didn't want to commit to anything in particular, I didn't want to climb up the chain for success, I wanted to do something that I won't feel restrained or limited, I wanted to have a boss who will not ask me to work over time, I wanted to work in an environment of mind like people and most importantly, I wanted to find a job that will allow me to continue carrying all my responsibilities that I started creating for myself within the Desteni group.

 

I must say, I was lucky because I knew exactly who I wanted to work for - Remember the first 'real' job I had in the world system, the telemarketer for an insurance company? Well, fortunately, a week before I quit that job, a new boss came along and he could see my potential even though I couldn't see it at all. Since that day that he saw me, he didn't gave up on me and he tried to get me to work for him again. For years I didn't want to listen to him but at the same time, I allowed him in my life because there was something genuine about him.

 

When I made the decision to go out there to the business world again, he was the first person that came up in my mind and the day after I contacted him, I was already working for him as if all these years he's been waiting for me. He knew how to hock me into his business - he knew that for me to be happy (which is how I can utilize the potential he saw in me to make money for him), he must respect my private life, he must respect my time, he must be OK with me not seeing the business as my higher priority, he knew that I must feel 'free' to set my own terms and conditions, my own hours and essentially, my own salary.

 

I didn't really know what I am walking into, I didn't know what my job actually be, I just knew I must work there for a year before I move to the South Africa. At this point in time, I didn't see me yet, I didn't realize my potential yet but I knew that he saw something in me and I knew I must walk this point.

Will continue in my next post

art work: Lionel Talaro

Suppressed Self Expression - The Beginning of the End - Day 102

This is a continuation to

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a child in this world, to when and as I hear grownups making a statement in judgement towards other human being's expression, to invert the statement into me and from that moment onwards, suppress my beingness as self expression within and as fear that if I allow myself to express myself, I would be mocked and judged by others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to make a statement in the nature of judgement towards other being's expression when and as my child can hear me and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences of accepting and allowing myself to judge other being's expression within and as myself and how it will effect my child's Life as the Expression of who my child is wherein from this moment onward, my child will make the decision to suppress one's expression to make sure, that one will never be in a position of judgement by others. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my own suppressed expression character that I've created within and as myself to be able to exits within our society as its norms and codes, and I haven't seen, realized and understood how I was the one who decided to suppress my expression as who I am, already from a very young age, when I heard/seen my parents judging someone's expression and feared being judged as well, if I accept and allow myself to express myself unconditionally. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I was the one who have accepted and allowed myself, to pass on, generation after generation the suppressed expression character because I haven't took my responsibility to educate myself, to see for myself what I've done to myself within the decision to suppress my expression to the extent to which I have become an automated machine that is able to sustain and maintain myself within our environment and existence as a whole, as enslaved and controlled beings to the world system as without, and to our mind as within. I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to take my power back to myself, within the realization that I am the one who decides and to thus decide to put a stop to the supressed expression that is emerging generation after generation and to free myself from my own imprisonment of myself in my mind, and the imprisonment of others in their mind through the example that I decide to be and become - within and as my Living Physical Expression.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to Judge that which I do not understand and according to the judgement, suppress my beingness as self expression, Here, because as a child in this world, I gave value to what those who have come before me taught me - who I am, what I am, how should I express myself and how should I not and have thus, abdicated my responsibility to see, move and direct me as who I am in every given moment and accordingly, express myself unconditionally as who I decide I am to be in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imprison myself within my human physical body, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am my human physical body in its totality and that in that moment of imprisonment, I've separated myself from myself as my human physical body, allowed systems to integrate to and as my flesh and decide for me, in any given moment, who I am and how I should express myself according to society norms and codes that will ensure my survival within and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imprison me as the self expression that I am in every moment of every breath and within that, have accepted and allowed myself to always think about how I should express myself in a way that will fit in with my environment so that I could be accepted and validate and wouldn't be defined as insane. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that our society has defined insanity according to specific rules and regulation that will keep the humans enslaved and controlled by the Money System of this world and we would not, in any way, be able to step out of our characters to see, realize and understand what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become which is insanity in itself where we accept and allow our backchat to exits while we would not allow ourselves to express that which we think because we know, that when we would, we will be defined as insane and thus, to make sure we will never face our backchat as the insanity that it is, we have internalized the thoughts, feelings and emotions within the belief that no one can know what's going on in our mind and thus, no one would define us as insane; within that, we have made sure that we will never change, stop the insane thoughts/emotions/feelings that control and enslave and imprison ourselves within our human physical body until our expression is so suppressed that who we are is just an automated organic robot with no life essence whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the thought as picture in my mind of me doing a salta in the air when I see green comfortable grass or when I'm at the beach and the sand is soft and as I start moving myself towards jumping in the air, a backchat comes up: "I can't do it, I will fall" and instead of stopping the back chat to control and enslave me, I give myself the permission to follow and continue having internal conversation as fight between - "I want to do it but I fear doing it" and thus, in that moment, I have accepted and allowed my expression as who I am to be locked down within and as my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that the utmost potential of who I am is here, within any given moment as self expression where I'm the directive principle, I move myself and I asses in self honesty according to the physical equation if I can or cannot do a specific task and accordingly, act upon my decision in absolute self trust and self honesty.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the backchat: "they will think that I'm crazy" when and as I see the emergence of me as self expression of and as my human physical body moving myself as the body and instead of allowing myself to express myself in that moment as breath, I accept and allow my own self limitation and self imprisonment to dictate me what and how I should be in expression because I gave permission to fears of judgement to be my directive principle, I gave permission to the society norms and codes to be my directive principle, I gave permission to myself to follow my thoughts/emotions/feelings and within that, suppress myself as the expression that I am so that I won't be judged and mocked because what I saw during my life was that when and as someone is expressing oneself unconditionally, the person is being judged and mocked and defined as weird and I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the starting point of the person who judge, to see, realize and understand that it is in fact the very being who judges others, judges oneself as per the design and program that one has accepted oneself to be and become; I haven't seen, realized and understood that those who are judging, are not standing as an example of self expression as who they are in every given moment but rather stand as an example of imprisonment of oneself within one's mind and thus, if I accept and allow this example to be real, I accept and allow my own imprisonment, in my own mind because I am the one who decide.

I now see, realize and understand how extensive is this point which will be required to be walked in much more specificity and details and thus, I commit myself to brake down each and every memory, reaction, back chat, aspect of the suppressed expression character and walk the Self Forgiveness Process until it is done.

So again… stay tuned.

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Where and When have we "lost" our expression? Where and When have we decided to suppress who and what we are and thus have become an expression Character that will fit into the Society norms, Culture, Religion etc.?

Where and When during our Life we have decided to deny ourselves as the expression of and as Life and have become automated in our expression, an expression that will sustain us in our existence within this world system and abuse us as who we are as Life and within that, compromise our entire existence as a whole?

 

It is ridiculous that despite of me seeing that I'm suppressing my expression, I still allow it. It is ridiculous that despite of me seeing my expression emerging as who I am, I decide to lock it down due to thoughts and fears like: "what if they judge me? What if they make fun of me? What if they will think that I'm weird?" And because of those thought, I will accept and allow myself to participate within the suppressed expression character that I've created to protect myself from my environment, to protect myself from other people because I have placed value in what they have to say about me, and I've given myself no Value as LIFE as who I am when and as I accept and allow myself to suppress the beingness that I am and act as the actor in my own movie of my own life - the movie that will keep me "stable" in my environment and won't take me into a mental hospital with other people that has no barrier between what they think and what they express.

 

I mean, imagine Who and What we'll become when and as our secret mind will become equal to and one as what we express? Will we then allow ourselves to become spiteful and judgmental towards other beings in our world? No! the only reason we allow it within ourselves is because we believe it is a secret that no one will find out about and we do not even consider that they are accepting and allowing the same nature of thoughts to exists within and as them. 

 

So who will we be when and as we will give ourselves the permission to express ourselves as who we are? According to this current world system, we will be defined as insane but isn't insanity to define Self Expression as insane? Why is it that we have accepted and allowed our own self expression definition to be Equal to and One as insanity? Why is it that the Current system dictate our expression? What we have become within and as the system as suppressed expression? We have became slaves to our own boundaries that we have placed within and as ourselves to maintain and sustain us within a system that we call LIFE. Though, is it LIFE? NO!

 

Thus, how to return to ourselves as the expression of who we are as a physical living expression of and as LIFE? How to assist and support us to Express Who we are in any given moment? It is to Stop THINKING lol

 

Within this blog, I will be looking at the first moment where I've decided to suppress my expression and become equal and one as organic robot to maintain and sustain myself within and as this world system, to be validated, accepted and appreciated by everything and everyone. 

In order to Identify the Suppressed Expression Character, we will first have a look at the thought manifestation that emerge; then, we will look at the back chat that perpetuate the thought manifestation that we will blindly follow. The next step would be to identify the reactions that emerge as emotions and feelings and finally, what physical changes are manifesting in our physical human body as a complete lock down of and as the Suppressed Expression Character.

 After we'll identify those components, we would be able to have a closer look at the functionality of the Suppressed expression Character which from there, assist and support ourselves with a practical corrective living application/expression.

 

So let's start:

 

The thought manifestation:

Picture of playful child expression. Like for myself, it would be often a picture of me doing Salta jump on the grass or a picture of me Dancing.

 

The Back chat:

"I can't, I will fall"

"They will think that I'm crazy"

"Don't do it; do it; Don't do it; Do it". (which BTW - the "Don't do it" 99% of the time wins)

"shit, if they see me, they would laugh at me for ages"

"If I can't do it properly, I should not do it at all"

"But I want to do it!"

 

Reactions:

Frustration; Jealousy; comparison; embarrassment;

 

Body Change

Constriction in the shoulder area;

Needles in the solar plexus towards the heart regime;

Energy movement in my harms and hands;

Slight pressure in my head.

 

Now, I will go back to the first memory that I can recall where I decided to suppress my expression. In the blog post: Behaviour Modification - Day 74, I've walked through that memory. However, to assist and support myself to identify the first creation of the Suppressed Expression Character, I will look at some more dimensions to be able to remove that memory and stop the memory from influencing me, as who I am, as a physical expression.

 

Stay tuned for my next blog :-)