How one THOUGHT can influence the course of your Life - Day 508

A point opened up today when talking with a friend about how one single thought, during the formative years, can influence the way we move and direct ourselves in our reality. It is interesting how us grownups, do not take into consideration how our words and deeds influence the people around us and especially children, who takes in the information so literally and make instant decisions about who and what they are accordingly.

This can be anything from - "why are you so slow in doing your homework" where the child now believes that society sees them as slow learners and this is now how they define themselves as who they are; or - "look at this girl, she dance so funny" where the child now realizes that when you place/express yourself in public, you will be judged by others and so you need to really be self-conscious about every move you make to make sure you give no reason for anyone to judge you - Here a potential decision that the child may make is to limit and contain their natural self-expression within the fear of being judged by others; another example - "look at your brother, how successful he is, I am so proud at him" where the child now feels that they must compete with their siblings so that the parent won't be disappointed with them and now the child will decide to suppress their natural skills and only work with what they believe would make their parents happy with them.

I've been looking at my own reality and how through one single statement that was spoken to me when I was a child, I made it so absolute in my mind to a point of suppressing my natural expression in public. I remember as a child how much I enjoyed dancing and I never had issues with dancing around other people, performing and participating in shows until one day where I was watching dancing performance that my friends participated in and my brother was sitting next to me and made a negative remark about one of the girl's dancing ability and in that moment, a thought came up - "what if other people were also judging how I danced". It was the first time that I actually considered the possibility of people judging the way I danced.

From that moment onwards, I developed a high sense of 'self-conscious' thought pattern when I was around other people - I didn't want to dance, I didn't allowed myself to sing - things that I really enjoyed expressing, I believed that I could no longer do/express. Every time the opportunity to sing and specifically dance came up, the memory of that day where my brother judged my friend's dancing ability came up, as a reminder that I must not express myself in public if I don't want people to judge me.

Fascinating enough, when no one was around and I was all alone - I would secretly put on the music and dance. It is quite ridiculous if you think about it - me naturally enjoying to express myself through dancing and yet, allowing one thought memory to influence me to such an extreme where I believed I cannot express myself through dancing when people are around.

Later on in life, going out clubbing with friends became part of my reality but to me.. That was a nightmare - I just couldn't dance - this one thought, about the possibility of people judging me like how my brother judged that girl, prevented me from expressing myself through dancing. My friends pushed me to dance and the more they pushed, the more I resisted dancing because now, if I dared and danced, all the eyes would have been on me and the possibility of me being judged was on the line. The only way I could get myself to dance was by having lots of alcohol so that if anyone judges me, I could blame the alcohol. So for couple of years, I danced and hit the dancing floor lol but, under the influence of alcohol so in essence, I wasn't really expressing myself but allowed the alcohol to take the directive sit of my expression whereas even under the influence of alcohol I was very much self-conscious about my dancing movement and the people around me.

As I grew up of the alcohol and clubbing scene, I decided to stop having alcohol completely and without alcohol, I stopped going clubbing because I believed there was no point to it meaning, I knew I will not dance without alcohol.

Couple of years after, my roommate insisted that I come with her to a party and obviously, I refused but she kept on pushing because she knew how much I enjoyed dancing as she was the only one I shared my secret dancing sessions with and every so often we played music in our house and 'secretly' danced.

With her pushing me to come with her when she went out I eventually did go dance with her one night and with her support, I danced, still very much restricted because now, in my mind, I had to also let go of the connection I created previously between alcohol and dancing. After couple of years and lots of Self-Forgiveness in investigating all the lines of information, emotions, feelings, pictures and memories that I created in my mind, I reached the point where I allowed my natural expression to come through around other people where I no longer have that thought memory from my childhood governing who or how I express myself.

So parents and adults, It took me over 20 years to move past the point from when my brother made that remark to where I am able to fully express myself in dancing. We really have to be aware of the words we speak around the children, to be aware of the influence we have on their life within the decisions that they make, based on what they hear or observe us doing. If you haven't already, I suggest listening to 'Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race' to support you with preventing such moments that can lead to your child making life decisions they would rather live without.

The Beginning and the End of Suppressing one's Natural Expression - Day 455

A fascinating point opened up today, interestingly enough, when I brushed my teeth. A memory came up, from when I was 5 years old, in preschool, where the a 'professional' consultant came to the preschool to teach us how to effectively brush our teeth. The specific moment that came up was how I was told to go sit in the 'punishment carpet' because I said and/or did something that was inappropriate.

 

So as I was brushing my teeth today, I brought this entire moment 'here' so that I could look at it in more details. For instance, I was questioning the point of the decision to  place me in the 'punishment carpet' and this didn't make sense to me because I was always this 'good girl' that never do anything inappropriate and so, I was investigating within myself the source of what I've said and/or did that had led the head teacher to decide to place me in the 'punishment carpet' in the first place.

 

I slowed myself down and walked the memory again, and the details of the memory started to unfold - we were all sitting in a circle and I stood up for a moment, expressing myself in a genuine way, enjoying myself, free of any limitation whatsoever, not harming anyone and for this, I was placed on the 'punishment carpet'.

Then I realized: "Shame, this is where I started suppressing my natural expression because in my mind, natural and genuine expression = consequence of being punished.

 

I told Sunette about the memory and what I have realized about the memory and she asked me - isn't it also the same nature of the other  memory where your grandmother said that you are showing off when you were dancing in the house?

For context, I was telling Sunette the other day about this memory where I was dancing in the house and my grandmother told me that I'm showing off and ever since this moment, I never again danced around other people in the house. Fascinating enough, it was at the same time frame of when I was placed on the 'Punishment carpet' for naturally expressing myself.

 

So I had a look at these 2 memories and what I had found is that because of these 2 incidents, I started my process of suppressing my natural expression both internally and externally wherein the preschool represent the external world and the house represent the internal world.

 

So here is an opportunity for myself to trace back my natural expression - going from the source/starting point of where I made the decision to suppress myself and from there, recreate my natural expression for and as myself.

 

And for those of us Parents/Grandparents/Educators - we must realize that our words and deeds influence our children's life far more than we would like to admit. It is imperative that we become aware of our behaviors around the children, our words, our expression, our body language. It is crucial that we explore and identify these points for ourselves so that we won't unnecessarily force our children to suppress their natural ability to express, to learn, to be.

For more information with regards to where to start investigating yourself for/as yourself - visit the DIP Lite FREE Online course.

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Art work - Kelly B Rightsell

Inferiority and voice tonality - Day 422

As we grow up and shape our character/personality - some of us would embody the inferior character and others would embody the superiority character. In many cases, those who embodied the inferiority character would present themselves as superior to suppress and hide behind the inferiority they have defined themselves as.

Voice tonality plays a major rule within the energetic design of the embodiment of inferiority/superiority.

 

Within my investigation process of myself, I've noticed that I have become the inferior character where I would present myself as superior to those who I define as inferior while I became inferior within myself when/as I defined another as superior to me. For most part, even with becoming aware of the "game" I was playing with myself,  I've not seen, realized or understood that this design consist of many layers and dimensions. Recently, another dimension opened up and that is in relation to voice tonality where I would over sensitively react to specific voice tonality of those whom I defined superior to me. But first, to understand the design of inferiority/superiority within relationships, I suggest listening to the YouTube interviews:

 

2010: 1 The Dynamics of Competition - Process Support

2010: 2 The Dynamics of Competition - Process Support

2010: 3 The Dynamics of Competition - Process Support.flv

 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react within and as myself when/as a specific sounds/voice tonality is being spoken by another whom I perceived to be superior to me wherein in one moment, I would shift and access my mind, allow energy to spread throughout my entire body to a point of shakiness and physical weakness which I've interpreted as powerlessness, not realizing that this experience of powerlessness is directly related to how I have defined myself in relation to another where I perceived myself as inferior and the other as superior, perpetuating this definition of myself through/as reacting to their voice tonality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself disempower myself when and as specific sound/voice tonality is being spoken by another where I would immediately introvert within myself, looking for ways to get out of the experience of disempower by fighting with the other, not seeing, realizing and understanding that within the decision to fight with the other to what I perceived as empowering myself, I'm actually fighting for my limitation as I believed I must make the other see that I'm right as if that would empower me within their mind.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when someone is speaking in a specific voice tonality that I've defined as a tonality of an authority which I have programmed myself to reacted to, I have within that moment, limited my expression within the idea that they are the authority and I'm powerless. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand that by accepting and allowing myself to react to a specific voice/sound, I cannot hear what the other is saying to me and thus, cannot assess whether what they stand for within that moment is of assistance and support for me to see a point that I've missed within myself or whether the other also accessed a reaction and we are both now dancing the reaction dance; The importance of assessing the situation is to then embrace the support of the other person who is standing at that moment as a support structure and accordingly move to self-correction or to either effectively direct us both to step out of the reaction game that we played and to instead assist and support each other to investigate what was the source of each one's reaction so that from there  we could then assist and support ourselves to develop effective communication where we empowering each other instead of limiting each other.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that within the starting point of defining myself as powerless and another the authority, I'm limiting my living expression as I give my power away to my mind to define who I am in relation to the relationships in my life and within that, not giving myself to in fact grow, expand and empower myself within the relationship that I have with another.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that by becoming angry when another speaks to me in a specific voice tonality, I'm distracting myself from the gift that the moment presented wherein, it is not about what the other did or didn't do, it is about who I am in relation to that person and/or voice tonality and how can I practically support myself to change.

(Please also read "From Reaction to Prevention and the Correction Process - Day 239")

 

I thus commit myself to be consciously aware of every and all reactions to another's voice tonality within the process of exploring and investigating who I am in relation to voice tonalities. In this, I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting to a specific sound/voice tonality, to take a breath, stop the reaction within myself as I now understand where it started and where it would lead me if I allow the reaction to continue within and as myself.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting to a specific sound/voice tonality, to transform the reaction to a gift wherein I allow myself to investigate and explore another layer within myself that I've not stood equal and one as, and accordingly move myself within the physical correction process.

 

I commit myself to change my living application wherein I would no longer accept and allow myself to define myself as more or less than others whom I am in relationship with and to instead, utilize the opportunity to learn and discover who I am in relation to myself and my relationships with others.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stabilize myself in relation to voice tonality to eventually stand equal and one with and every sound/voice tonality and within that, not accept and allow myself to define who I am or who the other is according to their voice tonality.

Suppressed Self Expression - The Beginning of the End - Day 102

This is a continuation to

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a child in this world, to when and as I hear grownups making a statement in judgement towards other human being's expression, to invert the statement into me and from that moment onwards, suppress my beingness as self expression within and as fear that if I allow myself to express myself, I would be mocked and judged by others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to make a statement in the nature of judgement towards other being's expression when and as my child can hear me and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences of accepting and allowing myself to judge other being's expression within and as myself and how it will effect my child's Life as the Expression of who my child is wherein from this moment onward, my child will make the decision to suppress one's expression to make sure, that one will never be in a position of judgement by others. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my own suppressed expression character that I've created within and as myself to be able to exits within our society as its norms and codes, and I haven't seen, realized and understood how I was the one who decided to suppress my expression as who I am, already from a very young age, when I heard/seen my parents judging someone's expression and feared being judged as well, if I accept and allow myself to express myself unconditionally. Within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I was the one who have accepted and allowed myself, to pass on, generation after generation the suppressed expression character because I haven't took my responsibility to educate myself, to see for myself what I've done to myself within the decision to suppress my expression to the extent to which I have become an automated machine that is able to sustain and maintain myself within our environment and existence as a whole, as enslaved and controlled beings to the world system as without, and to our mind as within. I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to take my power back to myself, within the realization that I am the one who decides and to thus decide to put a stop to the supressed expression that is emerging generation after generation and to free myself from my own imprisonment of myself in my mind, and the imprisonment of others in their mind through the example that I decide to be and become - within and as my Living Physical Expression.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to Judge that which I do not understand and according to the judgement, suppress my beingness as self expression, Here, because as a child in this world, I gave value to what those who have come before me taught me - who I am, what I am, how should I express myself and how should I not and have thus, abdicated my responsibility to see, move and direct me as who I am in every given moment and accordingly, express myself unconditionally as who I decide I am to be in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imprison myself within my human physical body, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am my human physical body in its totality and that in that moment of imprisonment, I've separated myself from myself as my human physical body, allowed systems to integrate to and as my flesh and decide for me, in any given moment, who I am and how I should express myself according to society norms and codes that will ensure my survival within and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imprison me as the self expression that I am in every moment of every breath and within that, have accepted and allowed myself to always think about how I should express myself in a way that will fit in with my environment so that I could be accepted and validate and wouldn't be defined as insane. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that our society has defined insanity according to specific rules and regulation that will keep the humans enslaved and controlled by the Money System of this world and we would not, in any way, be able to step out of our characters to see, realize and understand what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become which is insanity in itself where we accept and allow our backchat to exits while we would not allow ourselves to express that which we think because we know, that when we would, we will be defined as insane and thus, to make sure we will never face our backchat as the insanity that it is, we have internalized the thoughts, feelings and emotions within the belief that no one can know what's going on in our mind and thus, no one would define us as insane; within that, we have made sure that we will never change, stop the insane thoughts/emotions/feelings that control and enslave and imprison ourselves within our human physical body until our expression is so suppressed that who we are is just an automated organic robot with no life essence whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the thought as picture in my mind of me doing a salta in the air when I see green comfortable grass or when I'm at the beach and the sand is soft and as I start moving myself towards jumping in the air, a backchat comes up: "I can't do it, I will fall" and instead of stopping the back chat to control and enslave me, I give myself the permission to follow and continue having internal conversation as fight between - "I want to do it but I fear doing it" and thus, in that moment, I have accepted and allowed my expression as who I am to be locked down within and as my mind, not seeing, realizing and understanding that the utmost potential of who I am is here, within any given moment as self expression where I'm the directive principle, I move myself and I asses in self honesty according to the physical equation if I can or cannot do a specific task and accordingly, act upon my decision in absolute self trust and self honesty.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the backchat: "they will think that I'm crazy" when and as I see the emergence of me as self expression of and as my human physical body moving myself as the body and instead of allowing myself to express myself in that moment as breath, I accept and allow my own self limitation and self imprisonment to dictate me what and how I should be in expression because I gave permission to fears of judgement to be my directive principle, I gave permission to the society norms and codes to be my directive principle, I gave permission to myself to follow my thoughts/emotions/feelings and within that, suppress myself as the expression that I am so that I won't be judged and mocked because what I saw during my life was that when and as someone is expressing oneself unconditionally, the person is being judged and mocked and defined as weird and I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the starting point of the person who judge, to see, realize and understand that it is in fact the very being who judges others, judges oneself as per the design and program that one has accepted oneself to be and become; I haven't seen, realized and understood that those who are judging, are not standing as an example of self expression as who they are in every given moment but rather stand as an example of imprisonment of oneself within one's mind and thus, if I accept and allow this example to be real, I accept and allow my own imprisonment, in my own mind because I am the one who decide.

I now see, realize and understand how extensive is this point which will be required to be walked in much more specificity and details and thus, I commit myself to brake down each and every memory, reaction, back chat, aspect of the suppressed expression character and walk the Self Forgiveness Process until it is done.

So again… stay tuned.

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Where and When have we "lost" our expression? Where and When have we decided to suppress who and what we are and thus have become an expression Character that will fit into the Society norms, Culture, Religion etc.?

Where and When during our Life we have decided to deny ourselves as the expression of and as Life and have become automated in our expression, an expression that will sustain us in our existence within this world system and abuse us as who we are as Life and within that, compromise our entire existence as a whole?

 

It is ridiculous that despite of me seeing that I'm suppressing my expression, I still allow it. It is ridiculous that despite of me seeing my expression emerging as who I am, I decide to lock it down due to thoughts and fears like: "what if they judge me? What if they make fun of me? What if they will think that I'm weird?" And because of those thought, I will accept and allow myself to participate within the suppressed expression character that I've created to protect myself from my environment, to protect myself from other people because I have placed value in what they have to say about me, and I've given myself no Value as LIFE as who I am when and as I accept and allow myself to suppress the beingness that I am and act as the actor in my own movie of my own life - the movie that will keep me "stable" in my environment and won't take me into a mental hospital with other people that has no barrier between what they think and what they express.

 

I mean, imagine Who and What we'll become when and as our secret mind will become equal to and one as what we express? Will we then allow ourselves to become spiteful and judgmental towards other beings in our world? No! the only reason we allow it within ourselves is because we believe it is a secret that no one will find out about and we do not even consider that they are accepting and allowing the same nature of thoughts to exists within and as them. 

 

So who will we be when and as we will give ourselves the permission to express ourselves as who we are? According to this current world system, we will be defined as insane but isn't insanity to define Self Expression as insane? Why is it that we have accepted and allowed our own self expression definition to be Equal to and One as insanity? Why is it that the Current system dictate our expression? What we have become within and as the system as suppressed expression? We have became slaves to our own boundaries that we have placed within and as ourselves to maintain and sustain us within a system that we call LIFE. Though, is it LIFE? NO!

 

Thus, how to return to ourselves as the expression of who we are as a physical living expression of and as LIFE? How to assist and support us to Express Who we are in any given moment? It is to Stop THINKING lol

 

Within this blog, I will be looking at the first moment where I've decided to suppress my expression and become equal and one as organic robot to maintain and sustain myself within and as this world system, to be validated, accepted and appreciated by everything and everyone. 

In order to Identify the Suppressed Expression Character, we will first have a look at the thought manifestation that emerge; then, we will look at the back chat that perpetuate the thought manifestation that we will blindly follow. The next step would be to identify the reactions that emerge as emotions and feelings and finally, what physical changes are manifesting in our physical human body as a complete lock down of and as the Suppressed Expression Character.

 After we'll identify those components, we would be able to have a closer look at the functionality of the Suppressed expression Character which from there, assist and support ourselves with a practical corrective living application/expression.

 

So let's start:

 

The thought manifestation:

Picture of playful child expression. Like for myself, it would be often a picture of me doing Salta jump on the grass or a picture of me Dancing.

 

The Back chat:

"I can't, I will fall"

"They will think that I'm crazy"

"Don't do it; do it; Don't do it; Do it". (which BTW - the "Don't do it" 99% of the time wins)

"shit, if they see me, they would laugh at me for ages"

"If I can't do it properly, I should not do it at all"

"But I want to do it!"

 

Reactions:

Frustration; Jealousy; comparison; embarrassment;

 

Body Change

Constriction in the shoulder area;

Needles in the solar plexus towards the heart regime;

Energy movement in my harms and hands;

Slight pressure in my head.

 

Now, I will go back to the first memory that I can recall where I decided to suppress my expression. In the blog post: Behaviour Modification - Day 74, I've walked through that memory. However, to assist and support myself to identify the first creation of the Suppressed Expression Character, I will look at some more dimensions to be able to remove that memory and stop the memory from influencing me, as who I am, as a physical expression.

 

Stay tuned for my next blog :-)