Dig a hole and Hide myself - Day 456

Every now and then, we find ourselves embarrassed about something that we said or did and we literally want to hide far far away so that we would never have to face the consequences of our deeds. These moments becomes then memories that we carry inside ourselves as a constant judgment we have upon ourselves; and we promise ourselves that we would never repeat the same mistake again, we build a protection mechanism within ourselves and yet, for most part, we find ourselves repeating the same patterns when for a moment, we put our guards down and the programming/pattern kicks in and the cycle start again.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define self value through the eyes of another where 'who I am' is defined according to the outcome of an event instead of realizing that self value is defined according to who I am in relationship to any given moment in the sense of - whether I supported myself to learn something new about myself, what alignments are required within myself,  what can I  correct within myself to prevent future consequences and accordingly, pave the way before me to physical change.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want, need, desire others to value me according to what I do/say, because I've separated myself from what 'Self-Value'  is, as a living application and expression of myself, in the sense of defining Value in the context of what I do instead of self value in the context of who I am within what I do.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that exposing a pattern that was hidden within myself is the best gift I could give to myself because within that, I am able to see where I am not yet aligned within myself, where and how I have separated myself from myself, and so, forgive myself,  take responsibility for the pattern that was exposed, do the alignments within myself and physically live the correction until the alignment is physically integrated as an expression of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed by a mistake that I've made because I feared that others would judge me the same way that I judged myself when I made a mistake and/or how I would have judged others that would have made the same mistakes. However, within that what I haven't realize is that the more I give attention to what I think/perceive others are thinking of me, the more I suppress the actual point that require attention, alignment and correction within and as myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowed myself to judge myself for mistakes that I've made instead of immediately moving to self corrective application - learning from the event, sourcing the problem and directing the solution within and as myself.

 

I thus commit myself to be humble with myself when and as a point that was not aligned within myself is exposed and therefore, to immediately forgive myself, source the core of the misalignment, align myself, and physically correct my living application when and as the point reveal itself again.

 

I furthermore commit myself to not accept and allow myself to see myself through the eyes of the others as I see, realize and understand that who I am is not defined according to what I do/say but who I am is determined by who I am in what I do. Meaning  self value is defined according to who I am in relationship to any given moment in the sense of - whether or not I supported myself to learn something new about myself, whether or not I took responsibility for the point, whether or not I self honestly investigated what alignments are required within myself and therefore, accordingly, whether or not I paved the way before me for correction in physical real time.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to physically correct my living application when a point that was not aligned within myself opens up as I see, realize and understand that judging myself and taking myself down is a point of limitation but learning, aligning and physically correct myself is a point of self movement/direction and thus self empowerment.

 

 

 

 

 

Investigating Sexual Expression - Part 2 - Day 121

This is a continuation to:

Sexual Expression – Overview  Day 112

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness Part 1 - Day 113

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Commitments - Part 1 - Day 114

 

A few days ago, I was writing about the Negative Charge within the words Sex, Fuck and so forth and today, I will continue with looking and investigating the Positive Charge that we have attached for example, to the words: Romance, Making Love, Love etc.

 

It is interesting to see, how we are only working/writing/dealing with that which makes us feel uncomfortable and we disregards that which makes us feel good, better, superior. Meaning, why should I investigate that which makes me feel good? Why can't I only get rid of the negative feeling within and as myself? Why do I need to stop the positive energy within and as myself? I don't want to.. Lol. That is a common statement that I hear from many beings - "you are so negative! You have to fight the human nature with positivity! All you need is Love". Is it? If that is so, why we have defined sex and making Love with a polarity charge despite of the fact that it describe the same thing? And obviously, if Love is all we need, how come there is so much abuse in this world. (for context watch my vlog 2012 - LOVE Month - Is Love and Light the Solution?

The Polarity design of energy was explained in details in Earth's Journey to Life - Day 5: Redefining Words (Part 2) - Playing polarity games

 

Why is it that making LOVE is accepted and Sex/fuck isn't? I mean, seriously, that is the exact same thing. why are we reactive in a positive way to the words 'Making Love' and reacting in a negative way to the words sex/fuck?

 

So, why is it that Making Love and Romance is Ok? Is Positive? Is allowed? While the fact of the matter is that the physical act remain the same - 2 human beings fucking each other.. Lol

Why is it wrong to Make Love with ourselves? Why is it shameful to create an environment for ourselves, alone, candles in one's room, clean sheets, quite music, maybe some essential oil burners and simply touch ourselves, becoming intimate with our physical body? Why is it that when touching oneself in a warm, candle light, music environment is suddenly sound bad/wrong when we called the physical touch - Masturbation. Oh no, god forbid saying this word. 

 

In self honesty, one can look within oneself at the physical body changes when hearing the words Fuck vs. hearing the words Making love. The word Fuck comes with disgusted, constriction in the belly area, the face constricting as well and specifically in the mouth reign and our entire human physical body yells: "NO, it's awful, don't say that". However, when hearing the word 'Making Love' the body expand, like breathing from the inside, smile suddenly automatically emerge and warm and positive energy moves within and as us from the belly area towards the heart.  Fascinating isn't it?

 

This shows the extent of separation that we've allowed within and as ourselves in relation to how we LIVE the WORDS we speak and hear. How for each and every word we assigned/associated/connected/defined with either positive or negative charge. For more information with regards to the Living words and redefining of words, I suggest reading Earth's Journey to Life - Day 4: Redefining words - Part 1.

 

Within my following blogs, I will walk the positive energy charge that is associated to the word Love in relation to sex and masturbation through a process of self forgiveness and self corrective/commitments statements. 

The Shyness Character - Self Commitments Statements - Day 106

This is a continuation to:

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

The Shyness Character - Day 104

The Shyness Character - Self Forgiveness as the parent - Day 105

As well as:

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

I commit myself to SHOW that it is possible to understand and see how our children creates their characters that will become an automated expression of themselves as they grow older through firstly get to know ourselves as our characters that we have created for ourselves, walk through the character with the assistance and support that was shared in Earth's Journey to Life blog: Day 51: Moving through my characters and once we have seen how we have created our characters, we could stand as a support for our children and walk them through their own self change to rebirth themselves as LIFE as who they are.

I commit myself to SHOW that the Shyness Character is a defence mechanism for one to not face one's reality wherein one would utilize the past memory experience of feeling safe and guarded by the parents when one was clinging to one's parent's legs and thus, we associated the experience of safety and guarded with Shyness and accordingly, accessing ourselves as the mind, when we feel threatened by our environment.

I commit myself to SHOW that it is our responsibility as parents and future parents to stand in absolute stability, self honesty and self trust in every moment of every breath so that our application, of who we are as LIFE that is best for all, will set the example for those who would come after us; to give them a chance to be and become an effective human being in this world; give them a chance to express themselves as who they are without multiple characters that would dictate them who and what they should be to survive in this world.

I commit myself to SHOW how we imprint memories and integrate them into our flesh and accordingly, we live as a memory, not fully aware of ourselves and existence as a while and thus, so long as we live and exists within and as a memory, we are not LIFE in fact, we are not our directive principle as LIFE that is best for all and thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to delete the multiple characters that I've created through memories integration, and to stand as a support for others, through my writings, so that eventually, we could all step out of our characters, and stand up as LIFE, create our LIFE within and as principle that is best for all.

I commit MYSELF to stop following the Shyness Character that I have created and become and accordingly, when and as I see myself accessing the Character, I slow myself down, Breathe, move through the backchats, emotions and feelings, move through the physical resistance and give myself the permission to simply be HERE, express myself as who I am and to no longer accept and allow myself to diminish myself through utilizing the Shyness Character that would bind me to a stupidity loop of self limitation, self sabotage and self compromization.

I commit MYSELF to STOP and STOP and STOP comparing myself to everything that exists because I now see, realize and understand that unless I compare, my character won't have energy to exists. I see, realize and understand now how I've trapped myself into and as multiple characters through comparing and competing with others as I've not gave myself to permission to TRUST who I am in every moment of every breath; I've NOT gave myself the permission to expand, grow and empower myself from the example of others because I was busy comparing myself to them.

I commit myself to INVESTIGATE and IDENTIFY the Inferiority Character that I've become through a process of writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.

I commit myself to PUSH myself from my mind and into the physical and to REBIRTH myself as the Physical, as who I am, as LIFE that is here in every breath.

I commit myself to INVESTIGATE and IDENTIFY the Blaming Character that I've created and become through a process of writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.

I commit myself to a Process of Discovering myself as EXPRESSION of Life as who I am through Identifying the multiple characters that I've created to trap myself inside my mind, inside my human physical body through investing the time in myself, by committing myself to writing, until I'm clear of characters/personalities, until I'm HERE, as Life that is best for all.

The Shyness Character - Self Forgiveness - Day 105

This is a continuation to:

 

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

The Shyness Character - Day 104

 

As well as:

 

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

 

*note - the following Self Forgiveness's was part of a process that I've walked within this blog. please read through till the end to see what I've realized about the following statements and how I've corrected myself in self honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to glorify, satisfied, validated, accepted, enjoyed my child's expression of shyness between the age of 1-4 because I felt that my child feel safe and protected in my harms and that feeling made me feel like a good and caring parent and I haven't realized that because of my self interest desire for an experience of glorification, satisfaction, validation, acceptance and enjoyment, I've abdicated my responsibility as a parent in this world, to support my child to be and become and effective human being in this world and instead, I've assisted and supported my child to develop and evolve into and as a shyness character that the child will utilize the character as the child grows older, to hide from the physical reality by going into one's safe spot in and as one's mind through the association of being protected within the parents' harms without being able to see, realize and understand the difference between the physical reality and the illusionary reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to define my child's expression as Shyness because I had no clue of how to see the expression for what it is, to see that my child is making the steps to develop oneself into and as characters and so, through telling my child: "oh, you are so cute when you're shy; oh, are you shy? ; don't be shy " I have in that moment, assisted and supported my child to infuse oneself into and as one's flesh as memory that would later on, will become a separated entity, as a character which would automated my child expression until my child is no longer a living physical being but rather an organic robot that calculate and measure instantly, each and every step the child takes through the memories that one has stored in the first 7 years of one's life.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how the creation of characters works and functions and thus, I've interpreted my child's expression according to my own memory data base and have defined my child as such and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to take a moment and investigate that which I've defined myself as, defined my child as, to assist and support us both in getting to know who we really are as life and instead, I preoccupied myself in my mind, believing that I'm living a normal life while the fact of the matter is that I've become automated machine that is based on multiple types of characters, I've made sure that my child will become automated machine that is based on multiple characters so that I would never have to face who I have become because my child will be the exact copy of myself and would not challenge me nor my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to NOT realizing how I'm passing my own characters that I've created for myself, in separation of myself, to my child and within that, I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of NOT taking the responsibility to sort myself out so that my child won't have to go through the emerging to the mind and back to the physical and can be supported from day 1 of his life to manifest oneself as LIFE that is best for all through my example, with my guidance assistance and support.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE that me being SHY is just another character that I've created for/as myself already from a very young age, to protect myself from my external environment, because I hold on to a memory and stored it inside myself: a memory of clinging to my parents legs, as they held me and caressed my hair when and as someone that I wasn’t familiar with came into my environment and because I've associated being protected by my parents with being shy, I've shaped and mould myself into and as the SHYness character, to protect me when I face a new environment and when ever I feel inferior towards another.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a picture in my mind of a little boy that is hiding behind the cupboard door, in the dark, with eyes wide open as he is observing everything and everyone who are standing in the light but his body expression symbolizing a fear of stepping out of the hiding place and participate with the physical reality and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to connect, associate and define this picture with the expression of shyness, in separation of me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a picture in my mind a child that is clinging on one's parents legs, with the head facing to the opposite direction of the beings that are trying to communicate with the child and I have defined, associated and connected this picture with Shyness expression.

 

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've created the pictures of the shyness character in my mind so that I can trap myself into and as the shyness character so that I could observe Life and not participate with and as Life, as equal to and one as Who I am. I now see, realize and understand that I have created this picture to be able to protect myself from my environment, so that I can feel safe within and as my mind, in separation of/from the physical reality. I Now realize that so long as this picture is in my mind, I'm not giving myself the permission to physically live as who I am in every moment because when and as I face new being, a new environment, I access this picture, I access this character, I access the memories that are associated/connected with the picture/character, and I'm not in fact, physically here, fully participating in every breath with and as the physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the Shyness Character can ONLY exists when and as I'm busy comparing myself to my environment while seeing me as less than and inferior to others because when and as I'm standing in absolute self Trust, Stability in self honesty, who I am cannot change according to external stipulations; Who I am is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and is not define by anything or anyone.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to come to terms with who I am as I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to establish and develop SELF TRUST within and as myself and accordingly, face in absolute stability that which may come in my internal and external reality but instead, I've created the Shyness character, to protect myself from the physical reality, to be able to scroll back to my mind, to the safety zone and manifest myself as inferior in the hope that no one will take advantage of my presentation of inferior and would then thus, won't harm, mock, judge me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to interpret my behaviour when and as I meet new people or when and as I experience inferiority towards other people, to access the Shyness character and I haven't realized that I've created the Shyness Character to assist and support me to remain in the inferior character wherein, when I present myself as Shy, I'm in essence, trying to protect myself from the person who I define as superior. (and here comes another character to look at, investigate and identify… will get to that)

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I've hide and ran away from facing that which I've become through the Shyness Character wherein, when and as I experience anxiety around people, instead of investigating the nature of the anxiety, seeing what memories I've attached/connected to the experience of anxiety, releasing the energy movement from my solar plexus of and as anxiety, I've wear the Shyness Character to make sure, I would never change myself and become the living expression of who I am, as Life that is here.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to express myself as who I am, as a physical living expression of myself because I've compared my skills to those of others and made the decisions that my expression of who I am is not worthy enough, not good enough and so, to assist and support me with suppressing myself, my beingness, I'm created the Shyness character because I've seen that it is working for others from the perspective that those who decided to not express themselves in every moment of every breath, has defined themselves out loud as SHY and thus, the society gave them a slack and didn't push them to express themselves unconditionally and 1+1=2 - if I am to become shy, no one will push me, support me to stand as the utmost potential of who I am, no one will support me to become the physical living expression. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to push and support myself to become who I am as a physical living expression and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want/need/others to push/support me to become the physical living expression as who I am, instead of giving myself the permission to PUSH myself out of my mind, where I trapped myself, and literally re-birth myself as a physical living expression.

 

And as I realized that I started this blog with blame towards those who have come before me, as if they are the one who decided for me to become the expression of shyness as character, I now correct myself, as I see, realize and understood within my last SF statement, that it was literally always me and it will literally be me, who gives myself the permission to change, to rebirth myself as the physical living expression of who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within my self forgiveness statements through blaming others for my own creation of myself as characters. I now see, realize and understand that it is USELESS to find fault and blaming others for my fuckupness because I am the one who decide in every moment, whether I'll keep living as a memory of what I have become, or whether I'll take my responsibility to push myself into LIFE as the physical.

The Shyness Character - Day 104

This is a continuation to:

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

As well as:

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

I started to walk the Self Forgiveness on the Suppressed expression within singing Character and as I was finishing the first Self Forgiveness Statement, I've realized that I've created another dimension, another character that I must first identify to be able to walk as specific as possible. And thus, I will be walking the identification of the Shyness Character as a derivative of the Diminishment Character that I've walked a few days ago. For Reference, this is the statement that I've started of with where I found the Shyness Character:

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become the Living Memory of the suppressed expression character within my singing expression and I haven't realized it is just another derivative of the Self Diminishment Character where I would first Create an idea about myself as a picture in my mind and then, I would compare myself to others who are able to apply a specific skill that I perceive myself to be lacking of/not good enough and accordingly, I would judge myself for not being as good as they are, not seeing, realizing and understanding the processed they have walked to establish and develop their skills as an example for me to walk the same process as they have walked and in this, I forgive myself that I have not seen, realized and understood how I have trapped myself within the diminishment character as suppressed expression character through creating the Shyness Character that would ensure I would not express myself as who I am in every given moment.

Identifying the Shyness Character:

1. Picture of the Character:

The Shyness Character looks like a little boy that is hiding behind the cupboard door, in the dark. His eyes are wide open as he is observing everything and everyone who are standing in the light but his body expression symbolizing a fear of stepping out of the hiding place and participate with the physical reality.

Another picture of the Character might be a child that is clinging on one's parents legs, with the head facing to the opposite direction of the beings that are trying to communicate with the child.

2. Back Chat:

• Who are those people?
• OMG, what will they say about me?
• I've got to make a good first impression
• Shit, how does my hair looks like?
• I should have wear the other shirt

• What if they judge the way I express myself?

• What if they won't like me?
• I worry that..

3. Reactions

• Shyness
• Embarrassment
• Judgement
• Fear
• Comparison
• Anxiety
• inferiority

4. Body changes

• Voice changes to high tones
• Smiling
• Looking down
• Playing with my hair
• Shoulder tight up
• Palm is in a fist position with the thumb inside it.

In essence, the Shyness character doesn't stand as individual character of its own but it is a derivative to one of the main characters that self has created, such as the diminishment character or the protector character. The Shyness character was created to protect self from what ever may come, as a door for self to escape the physical reality through inverting self into oneself, into one's illusionary reality, inside one's cocoon so to speak.

It is  fascinating  how the Shyness Character is  busy developing from a very young age and what is more fascinating is that parents see it and instead of stopping the child from creating the Shyness character, they assist the child with defining the character by giving it a name: "Oh, don't be Shy, it is your aunt"; "Oh, you are shy, so cute.."; and so, when the child is clinging onto the parents' legs, the parents encourage the child to continue developing the Shyness Character by accepting and allowing the child's manifestation of oneself. Why?? for what?? For the parents' self interest. The Back Chat that emerged within and as the moment when the child is clinging to one's parent's leg, the parent would experience satisfaction: "My child loves me, he feels safe and cared for with me", not seeing, realizing and understanding the extent of separation the parent's infuse within their child in that very moment through their acceptance and allowance of child accessing one's mind, as the expression of Shyness which will be and become an entity in one's life - the Shyness Character.

The Child, who is busy developing the Shyness Character to protect oneself from one's environment is doing so due to lack of one's parenting skill to assist and support the child with integrating into and as the physical in oneness and equality. Soon, the child will start developing back chats as per the example of the parents and would define the Shyness Character as oneself.

So the Shyness character, when and as it is fully developed and integrated into one's flesh, is exists as a protection mechanism from one's environment, due to extensive judgement of one's self in comparison to one's environment. It is when Self isn't standing in absolute Self Trust that self is the directive principle in every moment of every breath. It is when self is conditioned to the validation and acceptance of others and thus, self cannot stand alone, as who self is, here, but is constantly looking for stipulations and acknowledgements from one's environment.

Commonsensically , the feedback that the child receive from the parents when the child is clinging to the parents' legs, within and as the Shyness expression is: "You are safe and protected my child". So how will the child protect oneself later on in the child's life? Through becoming the Shyness Character to protect and guard oneself from the Environment.

When seeing, realizing and understanding that Self doesn't need anything and anyone to protect oneself from one's environment, as self is standing within and as self trust, in every moment of every breath, self can finally say goodbye to the Shyness Character through moving through the Character, deleting the pictures, memories and back chats and disengage the Character from and as the human physical body. But first, let's walk the Self Forgiveness process to make sure that self is clear, seeing the entire network manifestation of the character and from there - remove the character from self, as self.