The Shyness Character - Self Forgiveness - Day 105

This is a continuation to:

 

Suppressed Expression Character - Day 101

Suppressed Self Expression - The beginning of the End - Day 102

Singing Expression Character - Day 103

The Shyness Character - Day 104

 

As well as:

 

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

Taking responsibility for my creation - Day 96

 

*note - the following Self Forgiveness's was part of a process that I've walked within this blog. please read through till the end to see what I've realized about the following statements and how I've corrected myself in self honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to glorify, satisfied, validated, accepted, enjoyed my child's expression of shyness between the age of 1-4 because I felt that my child feel safe and protected in my harms and that feeling made me feel like a good and caring parent and I haven't realized that because of my self interest desire for an experience of glorification, satisfaction, validation, acceptance and enjoyment, I've abdicated my responsibility as a parent in this world, to support my child to be and become and effective human being in this world and instead, I've assisted and supported my child to develop and evolve into and as a shyness character that the child will utilize the character as the child grows older, to hide from the physical reality by going into one's safe spot in and as one's mind through the association of being protected within the parents' harms without being able to see, realize and understand the difference between the physical reality and the illusionary reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to define my child's expression as Shyness because I had no clue of how to see the expression for what it is, to see that my child is making the steps to develop oneself into and as characters and so, through telling my child: "oh, you are so cute when you're shy; oh, are you shy? ; don't be shy " I have in that moment, assisted and supported my child to infuse oneself into and as one's flesh as memory that would later on, will become a separated entity, as a character which would automated my child expression until my child is no longer a living physical being but rather an organic robot that calculate and measure instantly, each and every step the child takes through the memories that one has stored in the first 7 years of one's life.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how the creation of characters works and functions and thus, I've interpreted my child's expression according to my own memory data base and have defined my child as such and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to take a moment and investigate that which I've defined myself as, defined my child as, to assist and support us both in getting to know who we really are as life and instead, I preoccupied myself in my mind, believing that I'm living a normal life while the fact of the matter is that I've become automated machine that is based on multiple types of characters, I've made sure that my child will become automated machine that is based on multiple characters so that I would never have to face who I have become because my child will be the exact copy of myself and would not challenge me nor my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world to NOT realizing how I'm passing my own characters that I've created for myself, in separation of myself, to my child and within that, I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of NOT taking the responsibility to sort myself out so that my child won't have to go through the emerging to the mind and back to the physical and can be supported from day 1 of his life to manifest oneself as LIFE that is best for all through my example, with my guidance assistance and support.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE that me being SHY is just another character that I've created for/as myself already from a very young age, to protect myself from my external environment, because I hold on to a memory and stored it inside myself: a memory of clinging to my parents legs, as they held me and caressed my hair when and as someone that I wasn’t familiar with came into my environment and because I've associated being protected by my parents with being shy, I've shaped and mould myself into and as the SHYness character, to protect me when I face a new environment and when ever I feel inferior towards another.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a picture in my mind of a little boy that is hiding behind the cupboard door, in the dark, with eyes wide open as he is observing everything and everyone who are standing in the light but his body expression symbolizing a fear of stepping out of the hiding place and participate with the physical reality and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to connect, associate and define this picture with the expression of shyness, in separation of me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a picture in my mind a child that is clinging on one's parents legs, with the head facing to the opposite direction of the beings that are trying to communicate with the child and I have defined, associated and connected this picture with Shyness expression.

 

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I've created the pictures of the shyness character in my mind so that I can trap myself into and as the shyness character so that I could observe Life and not participate with and as Life, as equal to and one as Who I am. I now see, realize and understand that I have created this picture to be able to protect myself from my environment, so that I can feel safe within and as my mind, in separation of/from the physical reality. I Now realize that so long as this picture is in my mind, I'm not giving myself the permission to physically live as who I am in every moment because when and as I face new being, a new environment, I access this picture, I access this character, I access the memories that are associated/connected with the picture/character, and I'm not in fact, physically here, fully participating in every breath with and as the physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the Shyness Character can ONLY exists when and as I'm busy comparing myself to my environment while seeing me as less than and inferior to others because when and as I'm standing in absolute self Trust, Stability in self honesty, who I am cannot change according to external stipulations; Who I am is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and is not define by anything or anyone.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to come to terms with who I am as I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to establish and develop SELF TRUST within and as myself and accordingly, face in absolute stability that which may come in my internal and external reality but instead, I've created the Shyness character, to protect myself from the physical reality, to be able to scroll back to my mind, to the safety zone and manifest myself as inferior in the hope that no one will take advantage of my presentation of inferior and would then thus, won't harm, mock, judge me.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to interpret my behaviour when and as I meet new people or when and as I experience inferiority towards other people, to access the Shyness character and I haven't realized that I've created the Shyness Character to assist and support me to remain in the inferior character wherein, when I present myself as Shy, I'm in essence, trying to protect myself from the person who I define as superior. (and here comes another character to look at, investigate and identify… will get to that)

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I've hide and ran away from facing that which I've become through the Shyness Character wherein, when and as I experience anxiety around people, instead of investigating the nature of the anxiety, seeing what memories I've attached/connected to the experience of anxiety, releasing the energy movement from my solar plexus of and as anxiety, I've wear the Shyness Character to make sure, I would never change myself and become the living expression of who I am, as Life that is here.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to express myself as who I am, as a physical living expression of myself because I've compared my skills to those of others and made the decisions that my expression of who I am is not worthy enough, not good enough and so, to assist and support me with suppressing myself, my beingness, I'm created the Shyness character because I've seen that it is working for others from the perspective that those who decided to not express themselves in every moment of every breath, has defined themselves out loud as SHY and thus, the society gave them a slack and didn't push them to express themselves unconditionally and 1+1=2 - if I am to become shy, no one will push me, support me to stand as the utmost potential of who I am, no one will support me to become the physical living expression. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to push and support myself to become who I am as a physical living expression and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want/need/others to push/support me to become the physical living expression as who I am, instead of giving myself the permission to PUSH myself out of my mind, where I trapped myself, and literally re-birth myself as a physical living expression.

 

And as I realized that I started this blog with blame towards those who have come before me, as if they are the one who decided for me to become the expression of shyness as character, I now correct myself, as I see, realize and understood within my last SF statement, that it was literally always me and it will literally be me, who gives myself the permission to change, to rebirth myself as the physical living expression of who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within my self forgiveness statements through blaming others for my own creation of myself as characters. I now see, realize and understand that it is USELESS to find fault and blaming others for my fuckupness because I am the one who decide in every moment, whether I'll keep living as a memory of what I have become, or whether I'll take my responsibility to push myself into LIFE as the physical.