Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 3) - Day 462

In the Previous Blog, I started walking the investigation process in relation to a reaction that I had within myself when I heard that one of the dogs in my house is sick. It is Fascinating how one single and small reaction opens up a lot within oneself. So if you haven't already, I suggest first reading the first 2 blogs:

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 1) - Day 460

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 2) - Day 461

 

Within this blog, I will expand the paragraph from the second blog:

"The other dimension where the pack is standing as a stability point in my life - again, it is not THE dimension that I am working with here because I left them so many times and I was stable within myself and thus, I came to the conclusion that feeling of "I'm never alone" is a mind trick that I used to suppress the real issue that I haven't seen yet."

 

Here, I want to explain what does it means that the mind played tricks on me and what was the purpose of such a "trick".

 

To understand this point, it is best if you also read through the blogs series where I shared about my relationship with Yalda:

My Dog as my Comfort Zone - Day 251

My Relationship with My Dog Continue - Day 253

My Relationship with my Dog - Self Forgiveness - Day 254

Pets as a reflection of Self Intimacy - Day 252

 

If you read these blogs, you would see how my relationship with Yalda was based on ONE element that I wasn't able to give to myself at that time, which was the 'Not Feeling Alone' experience that I placed Yalda, to stand as/for me. Meaning, instead of assisting and supporting myself to stand alone within stability, I shifted the responsibility towards my dog so that she could stand as that point for me.

 

With Yalda no longer being part of my direct environment when I moved to the farm, initially, I replaced the experience that Yalda gave me of 'not feeling alone' with the pack of dogs that we have on the farm. Why the whole pack? Because I didn't want to form a relationship with a dog because I didn't know how long will I stay on the farm and I didn't want to experience again the emotional experience when leaving another dog behind.

So, as a pack, it is not so personal in comparison to a one on one relationship with one dog so I just placed all of them together within myself so that I will never feel alone and that was until Babitjie came into my life and "forced" me to get over my shit and to allow myself to connect again to another being. At the same time, it was when I was already in a process of walking the correction of standing alone regardless of who is or isn't in my environment as a point of self trust.

 

The interesting thing that opened up in relation to the statement that the mind played tricks on me - here the mind used past association that I've created in my mind in relation to the experience of not feeling alone = the pack even though the association doesn't exist anymore as an expression of myself. Thus, when I started looking at my reaction to Gracie being sick, this point came up as if it is the primary point I must look at in my relationship to Gracie in how for instance, Gracie's presence fulfil the experience of not feeling alone however, if I would to stop investigating there, I would have missed THE dimension of what animals give me that I'm not able to give to myself.

 

Here again, we have to understand how the mind works - even though I no longer associate animals to the feeling of 'not being alone' experience - when the association between Gracie/Yalda/Pack = 'not feeling alone' came up, it "felt" as if this is the point that I was working with which is exactly how suppression manifest when  the primary point doesn't reveal itself and yet, I was for a moment, under the impression that THIS IS the point. When one is under the impression that one had found the point one was working with, one would normally not push oneself to discover more dimensions within oneself within one's process of change.

 

So, when I investigate points within myself, I would always cross reference myself. What I normally do is bringing the trigger point that activate the reaction 'here' and then I assess my physical body, to see whether there is or isn't any energetic movement within myself. The principle is - if in self honesty nothing moves within myself, than I'm satisfied that the point is clear but if there is a movement inside myself, even the slightest movement, I will continue checking and investigating the point within myself and when I'm done, I would again bring the moment here and assess any energy movement throughout my body. In cases where the movement is undefined, I would also cross reference the points with others to see if they see something that I haven't seen.

 

With the Gracie point, it was undefined movement and so, I went to speak with Sunette and what she explained, opened up an interesting point which I will share in the next blog.