A process to Self Respect and Integrity - Day 366

Walking the process of Self Respect requires me to go back in time and identify the moment that I've made the decision to disrespect myself. Obviously, it is not an easy task because I made sure to suppress that decision so deep down because otherwise, how could I remain consistent with the lack of self integrity and self respect.

What is clear to me now is that to be able to walk in self respect, I cannot trust my mind even in moments where it seems so convincing to follow the thoughts/imaginations/emotions/feelings that comes up. I have followed my mind so many times and in each time, the illusion reality as future projection never met the physical reality and in this, never actually benefited me in anyway whatsoever.

 

What is interesting was the moment when I realized that I fell into the very same pattern was the moment where I promised myself that I will not follow this path again and instantaneously, in a quantum moment, the same pattern emerged only now, it was different sceneries, different people or in other words, different characters. When I investigated the point, I saw that the same had happened throughout my life wherein in one moment I let go of one point, and so suddenly and unexpectedly, a new point emerged, in a quantum time although it is not a 'new' point per say, it just presented itself as a new point while all along, it was just the same ole pattern repeating itself.

 

I see now the mechanics of how the pattern that I was working with was never released unconditionally but instead, mutated itself in a disguised so that it would be difficult to identify and once I've seen that I'm busy generating the energy that this pattern consists of, I decided to stop and write and to for once and for all, accept and allow myself to walk myself to self respect by letting this pattern go unconditionally, a pattern that I've lived as, so long as I can remember myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to disrespect myself by accepting and allowing myself to follow my mind and in this, the thoughts, emotions and feelings that I programmed in my flesh throughout my life. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I was the one who decided to give power to these thoughts, emotions and feelings that I've programmed within myself and within that, also installed the program to "forget" that I was the one who have programmed myself in disrespect or integrity but in this, I now see, realize and understand that I also created myself a door to walk through and step out of this self created cycle through standing up in clarity, self trust, self honesty, respect and integrity.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to disrespect myself by following the repeating thoughts, emotions and feelings that I've placed inside myself and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe my own self programmed thoughts, emotions and feelings even though the physical reality contradicted and invalidated any of the thoughts, emotions and feelings that came up from within me without my directive will.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to STOP the very moment a thought comes up, a thought that I already knows where it would lead me and who I would become once I decide to follow the thought. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to loop again and again based on one single thought that comes up in cycles of times. However within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for following the thought that can only lead to a destructive patterns, after I've seen the consequences of following the thought and within that, I have not accepted and allowed myself to correct the pattern because I was busy judging myself for falling, not realizing that in the very moment I accepted and allowed the judgement, was the moment where I've upgraded my own self programming and so, created a new form of thought as justification and excuses for why it is valid to access the pattern again. Thus, I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to humble myself in moments I realize that I have fallen which from there I am able to stand up, investigate and correct myself instead of judging myself and in the judgement, quantumly upgrade the programming to snick in again without my direct awareness.

 

I thus Commit myself to identify the thoughts that had led me to destructive repetitive patterns and accordingly, when and as a thought comes up, I stop, I laugh about it and move on while breathing myself out of the pattern. In this, I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to judge myself when the pattern emerge but to instead, change my starting point, align myself, learn and correct myself. I see, realize and understand that it took me decays to program patterns so perfectly within and as myself and therefore, removing patterns requires the same consistent it took me to program patterns from the get go and thus, all I must do is stick to my decision of respecting myself, develop my integrity by stopping my participation with destructive patterns that do not support myself.

 

I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to upgrade the pattern but to instead remove the pattern through consistent application of Stopping participation and returning to physical breathing. I now see, realize and understand the extent of repetitive patterns that are layered within me and so I see now how I was the one who directly accepted and allowed my own creation of repetitive patterns as integral part of my self definition and so, I make the commitment to assist and support myself no matter how long it will take till I stop the participation with repetitive patterns that do not support me or others.