Why did we stop questioning our reality? (Part 2) - Day 388

This is a continuation of the previous blog: Why did we stop questioning our reality? (Part 1) - Day 387

 

I was looking today at my childhood to allocate the time frame of which I stopped questioning my reality but to instead, submitted to what I was told and taught. Interestingly enough, although I didn't pinpoint the time frame, a specific memory came up and when I investigate the relationship between the memory and the information that I was working with, I found a fascinating thing.

 

My grandfather was a being in my life whom I had a strong relationship with, primarily because he was different from all other adults in my environment from the perspective of explaining things to me and/or sharing stories with me as if I was an adult. While everyone treated me like a child, he was communicating with me exactly as he would communicate with an adult.

There was one event where his words left a meaningful impression within me and this event was extraordinary from the perspective of him pointing out a way of reasoning thinking that I had never encountered before which was as follows:

 

We were coming back from the supermarket to my grandparents house and I was probably around 9-11 years old at that time. There was a bus station with a few very hard core religious people waiting for the bus to come and he mentioned something about the religious people being a burden on the economy of the country since all they do is praying to god the entire day on the tax payer money. He said that they do not have a job, they do not go to the army and that just sit all day, reading books and pray to God that doesn't even exists. That was the first time I heard anyone saying that there is no God. In fact, I don't remember myself questioning whether or not there is a god before, it didn't bather me much as I didn't come from a religion family and the God topic was not part of our family discussions. I asked him how did he know there is no God. So he asked me: Do you think that if God existed, he would allow for instance 6,000,000 Jews to be murdered in the second world war? (Here, a background information - my grandfather was one of the holocaust survivals and therefore, he could rationalize the God point within his frame of reference according to his life experience).

Obviously, I could relate to his question because as a child growing up in Israel, you will know anything you need to know about the holocaust from a very young age - you will hear stories about it, you will see pictures about it and if your family members were also there and live to tell about it, you will know the nitty gritty details of their experiences. And so, having that in my mind, the answer was within his question. If the God of the Jews allowed a cruel death of 6,000,000 than there are one of two options.

1 - God is Evil and should not be respected.

2 - There is no God.

For me, option number 2 made more since.

 

So - why did this memory came up. when I was looking at the memory and asked myself why this memory came up, a word flashed in my mind: "Respect". I realized that my relationship with my grandfather was of respect and integrity because he always took the time to explain to me a point when I asked: "Why". And as I go through my data base of information as I write here, I see more and more events when I asked him a question and he answered me while others did not. I also remember that when my grandmother for instance said: "No, because I said so", he expanded on the point and explained me the reason behind the answer: "No".

 

Will continue on this point in my next blog.

A process to Self Respect and Integrity - Day 366

Walking the process of Self Respect requires me to go back in time and identify the moment that I've made the decision to disrespect myself. Obviously, it is not an easy task because I made sure to suppress that decision so deep down because otherwise, how could I remain consistent with the lack of self integrity and self respect.

What is clear to me now is that to be able to walk in self respect, I cannot trust my mind even in moments where it seems so convincing to follow the thoughts/imaginations/emotions/feelings that comes up. I have followed my mind so many times and in each time, the illusion reality as future projection never met the physical reality and in this, never actually benefited me in anyway whatsoever.

 

What is interesting was the moment when I realized that I fell into the very same pattern was the moment where I promised myself that I will not follow this path again and instantaneously, in a quantum moment, the same pattern emerged only now, it was different sceneries, different people or in other words, different characters. When I investigated the point, I saw that the same had happened throughout my life wherein in one moment I let go of one point, and so suddenly and unexpectedly, a new point emerged, in a quantum time although it is not a 'new' point per say, it just presented itself as a new point while all along, it was just the same ole pattern repeating itself.

 

I see now the mechanics of how the pattern that I was working with was never released unconditionally but instead, mutated itself in a disguised so that it would be difficult to identify and once I've seen that I'm busy generating the energy that this pattern consists of, I decided to stop and write and to for once and for all, accept and allow myself to walk myself to self respect by letting this pattern go unconditionally, a pattern that I've lived as, so long as I can remember myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to disrespect myself by accepting and allowing myself to follow my mind and in this, the thoughts, emotions and feelings that I programmed in my flesh throughout my life. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I was the one who decided to give power to these thoughts, emotions and feelings that I've programmed within myself and within that, also installed the program to "forget" that I was the one who have programmed myself in disrespect or integrity but in this, I now see, realize and understand that I also created myself a door to walk through and step out of this self created cycle through standing up in clarity, self trust, self honesty, respect and integrity.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to disrespect myself by following the repeating thoughts, emotions and feelings that I've placed inside myself and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe my own self programmed thoughts, emotions and feelings even though the physical reality contradicted and invalidated any of the thoughts, emotions and feelings that came up from within me without my directive will.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to STOP the very moment a thought comes up, a thought that I already knows where it would lead me and who I would become once I decide to follow the thought. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to loop again and again based on one single thought that comes up in cycles of times. However within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for following the thought that can only lead to a destructive patterns, after I've seen the consequences of following the thought and within that, I have not accepted and allowed myself to correct the pattern because I was busy judging myself for falling, not realizing that in the very moment I accepted and allowed the judgement, was the moment where I've upgraded my own self programming and so, created a new form of thought as justification and excuses for why it is valid to access the pattern again. Thus, I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to humble myself in moments I realize that I have fallen which from there I am able to stand up, investigate and correct myself instead of judging myself and in the judgement, quantumly upgrade the programming to snick in again without my direct awareness.

 

I thus Commit myself to identify the thoughts that had led me to destructive repetitive patterns and accordingly, when and as a thought comes up, I stop, I laugh about it and move on while breathing myself out of the pattern. In this, I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to judge myself when the pattern emerge but to instead, change my starting point, align myself, learn and correct myself. I see, realize and understand that it took me decays to program patterns so perfectly within and as myself and therefore, removing patterns requires the same consistent it took me to program patterns from the get go and thus, all I must do is stick to my decision of respecting myself, develop my integrity by stopping my participation with destructive patterns that do not support myself.

 

I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to upgrade the pattern but to instead remove the pattern through consistent application of Stopping participation and returning to physical breathing. I now see, realize and understand the extent of repetitive patterns that are layered within me and so I see now how I was the one who directly accepted and allowed my own creation of repetitive patterns as integral part of my self definition and so, I make the commitment to assist and support myself no matter how long it will take till I stop the participation with repetitive patterns that do not support me or others.