Do I have the right to Judge myself? Living in an experience of being controlled - Day 533

For context, please read:

Do you have the right to judge another - Day 531

Do I have the right to Judge myself? Potential consequences #1 - Day 532

In the previous blog, we looked at a potential consequences when we accept and allow self-judgement to exists inside of ourselves. We discussed a potential consequences of sabotaging/compromising and even ending your relationships with others.

I ended off with the statement:

"Will continue in my next blog with more potential outcomes when accepting and allowing self-judgement to be hidden but very much existed inside of ourselves. We will also look how to change this type of behaviour/pattern to be able to practically develop long lasting relationships of worth with others."

In this blog, we'll have a look at second potential consequence when we accept and allow our participation with self-judgement: Potential consequence #2: Living in an experience of being controlled.

Have you ever felt that you need to do things in secret or that you need to isolate yourself from everything and everyone so that you can do things without anyone knowing; have you ever felt that you need to diminish your expression around specific people? Have you ever experienced yourself avoiding certain people because you were concerned they will ask you a question you didn't want to answer?

If any of these questions were answered 'yes' than most likely that you are dealing with self-judgement yet projected through the eyes of others. You tell yourself that other people are to be blamed for why you need to live in secret, why you need to isolate or hide yourself or why you need to diminish certain expressions around them. As time goes by, you probably start feeling or experience yourself as if you are being controlled in your own environment, feeling you need your space, avoiding certain people and essentially, start blaming them for that, telling yourself a story of how much they are controlling you or your life. Obviously, this is not an absolute point but those of you who do accept and allow self-judgement to be their directive principle know what I am talking about. Don’t you?

What I have found in my own process of introspection is that when it came to my experience of feeling controlled by my family, friends or other people in my environment, it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. For example, I judged a specific expression as invalid to be expressed or believed it was not allowed to be expressed or had fears I would be judged if I had expressed it. So, I didn't allow myself to express myself within that specific expression which gave me the experience of being controlled, not seeing it was my own decision to diminish my expressions, not others.

The consequences of not being honest with yourself and allow yourself to judge your own expression and decisions is that this will create an experience of being controlled by others and you will make it so real in your mind that you'll try and go things in secrets, just not to face your own self-honesty. The consequences of that is that you'll have a relationship with people that is not based on integrity but rather on deception and we all know where that is going to lead you and your relationships..

Will continue in the next blog with more consequences when it comes to self-judgement.

--

Artwork: Pamela Dzaet Hill, painter, USA

Rejection as Parental Control? - Day 335

Continuing with the Question Who is Responsible for our Children's Education?

If you haven't already, I suggest reading through the previous blogs:

 

Who is Responsible for our Children's Education? - Day 332

Is the Zoo an Educational Experience for Children - Day 333

The Santa Claus Conspiracy - Can a Child Trust their Parents? - Day 334

 

As children, we often hear the words: "NO" or "Don't do that" and when we ask "Why" the answer in many cases is: "Because I said so". Fortunately, I do not have the personal experience of the Physical 'expression' of getting a slap or even worse but in some cultures and/or family structures, giving a slap to your child is educational approach to show the child who is the boss in the Child/Parent relationship. Within this, what the parents teach their child is that Rejection may Lead to Physical harm if one wouldn't accept the Rejection and submit to the parent authority and so, our learnt behaviour is to Fear Rejection because it may be associated with Physical and/or Emotional Harm if we only dare to question the hierarchical structure.

And thus, we would either submit to the Parental Authority of Rejections to our wants/needs/desires or we would start to rebelling. Let's have a closer look:

 

The tendency of parents is to simply answer: "No" and "Because I said so", without any form of explanation, without showing the common sense behind the decision and without teaching the child how to look at all things and decides on that which is best. In that, what parents are normally missing is the understanding that with showing these things to the child, and stand as an example of how to Deal with Dilemmas, how to solve problems and more importantly, how to prevent a problem as a foundation/tool the child would effectively grow and expand themselves instead of becoming ineffective emotional machine that would shape and form their characters to either submit, rebel or suppress their experience of rejections.

 

We start building up resentment towards our parents. We start keeping secrets from them so that we won't have to face the rejection and face the decision of submitting or rebelling. Maybe this is when our 'individuality' starts developing, when we start creating ourselves as Characters, as a reaction to the rejection we had faced because now, we must decide, who would we be, what would we be and what would we have to do to be who and what we want/desire to be and so, we would decide to: Submit or Rebel?

 

And so, the child that is unprepared to face the world, will face many types and kinds of rejections: either a rejection from a job, rejected from schools/studies or when asking someone out - everyone faces rejections in their lives, it cannot be prevented. What can be prevented are the reactions that follow the rejection. If only the parents would have stood as an example and show the child how to deal with the rejections shown above, another story would be told about our children.

 

So, what is the current story of our Children? What are the Forces in play in moments of Rejections? How to handle rejections and transforming them into a window of opportunity to align, adjust and perfect ourselves? That will be discussed in my next blog.

Unconditional Giving and Receiving or a Control System? (Part 2) - Day 270

This is a continuation to the Previous blog: Unconditional Giving and Receiving or a Control System? - Day 269

Where I wrote:

 

"...When looking at this point as a design, or the origin of the Design, as everything - all start at home where parents give their children gifts and expect in return the child to either be a good child, to do what was asked them to do, to be who they are expected to be which within that, the Child, as the Receiver feel obligated to Give something back to the parents. Often, the child doesn't really want to do or become what the parent wants them to do, be and become, but they do want to receive the gifts/rewards despite them knowing the Consequences it involves. Slowly but surely the demand from the parents makes the child feel slight anxiety and discomfort that would fade away and suppressed. And so, the Parents would control the child through a rewards system in a disguised of Unconditional Giving and if at any point the child rebel, the parents would always remind the child about the rewards the child had received and all the things the parents did for the child throughout time as a manipulation tactic to bring the Rebellion child back in track…"

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that parents unconditionally give to their kids without understanding the Quantum Mechanics that involves with such Giving as a mean and a method to Control the children and zombified them into automated machines that would always follow the parents want, need and desire without ever investigating what it is that they would like to be, become and exists as, as an expression of themselves.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to Believe that children owe their parents and thus must give something back when they receive a reward, benefit or a gift from the parents and within that, haven't realized that within that context, Giving a reward for 'Good behaviour' for instance, is how the parent would manipulate the Child to suppress, ignore and deny who the Child IS as an Expression of oneself and to instead, become the child/person the parent want the kid to be, according to the Parent value system, belief system and so forth.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel obligated to do what my parents wanted me to do because they have been so loving and caring with the rewards, gifts and benefits that I received throughout my life but within that, I haven't considered and even ignored the fact that these rewards where controlling me into becoming a limited version of myself, tied to other people wishes, wants and needs without ever in fact discovering who I am and what is it that I truly want from myself and my Life.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed the Rewards and the Benefits I received, despite of me knowing what it would entail and what of me I would have to scarify to be able to continue winning the rewards and benefits. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to Experience Anxiety and Discomfort when receiving these rewards and benefits because in self honesty, I knew that I compromising and limiting myself as now I had to give something back, a part of myself that I've separated myself from.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to store the Experience of Anxiety and Discomfort when Receiving a Reward as a Condition to specific Behaviour I must apply or a Decision I must make and thus, when and as I Received from another, the Memory activated and generated the Experience of Anxiety and Discomfort within and as my human physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to falling into the manipulation trap when beings that gave me a reward, benefit or a gift in the past, are now bringing up this memory of them giving me a reward, benefit, gift to influence my Decisions so that my Decisions would be aligned with their Self Interest rather walking as a Principle of that which is best for all Lives. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to instead of directly seeing the manipulation and direct the moment effectively, to activate guilt within and as myself within the belief that I must give back because I've initially Received.

 

 I commit myself to SHOW parents that what they MUST Give their Children is Life Skills to empower, grow and expand themselves through a process of Self Discovery instead of giving them Rewards and Benefits that would limit and suppress the physical Expression of who they really are.

 

I commit myself to show that the Reward system within the Parent/Child relationship is an attempt to Control and Enslave the child into becoming the Exact duplicate of their parents while suppressing the Child's beingness as a physical Expression of oneself.

 

I commit myself to Further investigate my relationship to/with the Principle: Give as You'd like to Receive and within that, to turn the point back to myself to see how I've abused and used the Principle to support my own self interest desires and thus, never really give to anyone unconditionally.

 

I commit myself to walk as the LIVING WORDS of the Principle Give as you would like to Receive as I see, realize and understand now that unless I change my living application and stand by/as principle, no real change is ever possible when looking at the Equality Equation: 1+1=2.

Unconditional Giving and Receiving or a Control System? - Day 269

 

 

I'm seeing lately more and more that I've created issues around the Principle of Give as you'd like to Receive which made me look more carefully and deeply into my starting point in relation to living principle of 'Give as you'd like to Receive'. Interestingly enough, the reactions that I experience are more in the context of the Receiver than the Giver however, what is more interesting is that the issues around the Receiver were actually derived from the issues around the Giver.

 

What I've noticed was that when I Receive, I experience discomfort in my body, like anxiety almost. It's like, the moment I receive, I immediately go into the thought domain where I would see all the potentials and possibilities for me to Give back as if now, I must Give something back and unless I Give, I can't fully stand stable, Here, enjoy the moment, breathe - because I must give back.

 

For instance - if let's say, someone is offering to give me a massage because I had back pain or because they discovered a new pressure point in their back and now they want to show me the point while massaging, I go into anxiety. It is very slight anxiety but very much constant. If for instance, someone offers me a coffee or something to eat, I would immediately start calculating whether I should accept it because maybe it means that the next time I make myself a cup of coffee or something to eat, I should ask anyone around me if they would like so too. Or if someone buys me a gift, or a small thing that they know I would be pleased with, the anxiety kicks in again. I would then start calculating how much money I have to be able to gift them something back. And in sex as well, I never really allowed myself to Enjoy being 'treated' because I believed I would have to give back and then, I would give back according to the amount of time that I received. Quite fucked up story.

 

When looking at this point as a design, or the origin of the Design, as everything - all start at home where parents give their children gifts and expect in return the child to either be a good child, to do what was asked them to do, to be who they are expected to be which within that, the Child, as the Receiver feel obligated to Give something back to the parents. Often, the child doesn't really want to do or become what the parent wants them to do, be and become, but they do want to receive the gifts/rewards despite them knowing the Consequences it involves. Slowly but surely the demand from the parents makes the child feel slight anxiety and discomfort that would fade away and suppressed. And so, the Parents would control the child through a rewards system in a disguised of Unconditional Giving and if at any point the child rebel, the parents would always remind the child about the rewards the child had received and all the things the parents did for the child throughout time as a manipulation tactic to bring the Rebellion child back in track.

 

(Will continue in my next blog)

The Rebellion Daughter Mother Character - Day 81

This is a continuation to my previous blog:

My Life as a character - Overview - Day 79

The Family Charade in Character - Day 80

For Context, also read: Day 79: Stepping out of Character with LOVED ONES - Creation's Journey to Life, Bernard Poolman

Part 2: The Mother/Daughter Character - Looking at specific Characters:

The Rebellion Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a daughter of this world, to rebel against the parents in my journey of seeking after my independence and individuality and I perceived the parents to sabotage my journey as I've perceived their morality standard and the way they perceive LIFE to be limited, narrow and constricted. What I have failed to realize, see and understand that my perception of LIFE was through the eye of a character, that I have created in separation of myself and to be able to sustain this character of myself, I had to create multiple characters within my self and as others like for instance, the parents in this world.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a daughter in this world, to create myself as the character of and as the rebellion daughter and for me to be able to exists within and as this character, I had to create the parents in the image of likeness that will suit my character and I have failed to realize that my perception of my Parents where within the eye of myself as the character, seeing them as the characters they have created for themselves instantaneous as I created them as characters that will allow me to sustain my rebellion daughter character.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a daughter in this world, to create and manifest myself as a character of the rebellion daughter through continually and continuously justifying in my mind why is it that I'm right and my parents are wrong and I haven't realized that within that very moment of participating in my backchat, I've created another dimension of myself, another character - the one that justify my self interest of "I'm right".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a daughter in this world to believe that the parents are constricting and limiting my freedom as well as my expression and I haven't realized that within that belief, I've created myself as a character - an inferior character that blame everything for the limitation and constriction that I've placed upon myself as a character. And then I go, and try to rebel against my own limitation and constriction through the characters that I've created as the parents so that we can all in agreement, sustain all our characters and within that, make sure that we will not step out of characters.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to limit my child expression within and as the character that I've created as myself, to protect my own fears which I've not seen that it was always just another character which I've superimposed on my daughter character.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to see, realize and understand how I've created my rebellion child character in the image and likeness of myself as a rebellion child and how, generation after generation, I've looped myself as a character and all my family member's character so that we can all stay in character to ensure that none of us will step out of character.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, as a family member in this world, how I've created our characters in self interest, so that we will never step out of our characters and create LIFE that is best for all in fact and how, generation after generation, I've kept all the character in place, playing the same script over and over again.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that so long as I keep my characters: Fear, self interest, cultural beliefs, opinions etc. I'm creating more and more characters to sustain those characters which include creating my children as characters that may rebel to my character exactly as I've rebelled to my parents characters and here we go - creating a never ending time loop where we are all kept as characters that we have created ourselves as characters to ensure one single point - that our self interest will remain and we will never require to clean up the mess that we have left after ourselves.

I commit myself to show and expose how we've created, generation after generation ourselves as characters; either of the child or the parents and within that, looped the same points over and over again, so that we won't have to actually face the mess that we've created ourselves, to not have to clean the mess that we've created ourselves and thus, continue reserving the character, life after life after life, instead of actually creating LIFE that is best for all, through cleaning up the mess for once and for all.

I commit myself to show that the only way the rebellion daughter character can stand intact, is through creating the parents as a character wherein both will play the written script that we have all agreed to play and stand as.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to step out of characters through taking all the characters that we have created in this world, delete them from within and as me until no character remain and LIFE can be created in fact.

In the next blogs to come:

The Submissive Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

The Perfect Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

The Caring Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

The Clever Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

The promiscuous Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

The Loving Daughter and the relationship with the Mother: