Mar 28, 2013 | By: A Woman

Rejection as Parental Control? - Day 335

Continuing with the Question Who is Responsible for our Children's Education?

If you haven't already, I suggest reading through the previous blogs:


Who is Responsible for our Children's Education? - Day 332

Is the Zoo an Educational Experience for Children - Day 333

The Santa Claus Conspiracy - Can a Child Trust their Parents? - Day 334


As children, we often hear the words: "NO" or "Don't do that" and when we ask "Why" the answer in many cases is: "Because I said so". Fortunately, I do not have the personal experience of the Physical 'expression' of getting a slap or even worse but in some cultures and/or family structures, giving a slap to your child is educational approach to show the child who is the boss in the Child/Parent relationship. Within this, what the parents teach their child is that Rejection may Lead to Physical harm if one wouldn't accept the Rejection and submit to the parent authority and so, our learnt behaviour is to Fear Rejection because it may be associated with Physical and/or Emotional Harm if we only dare to question the hierarchical structure.

And thus, we would either submit to the Parental Authority of Rejections to our wants/needs/desires or we would start to rebelling. Let's have a closer look:


The tendency of parents is to simply answer: "No" and "Because I said so", without any form of explanation, without showing the common sense behind the decision and without teaching the child how to look at all things and decides on that which is best. In that, what parents are normally missing is the understanding that with showing these things to the child, and stand as an example of how to Deal with Dilemmas, how to solve problems and more importantly, how to prevent a problem as a foundation/tool the child would effectively grow and expand themselves instead of becoming ineffective emotional machine that would shape and form their characters to either submit, rebel or suppress their experience of rejections.


We start building up resentment towards our parents. We start keeping secrets from them so that we won't have to face the rejection and face the decision of submitting or rebelling. Maybe this is when our 'individuality' starts developing, when we start creating ourselves as Characters, as a reaction to the rejection we had faced because now, we must decide, who would we be, what would we be and what would we have to do to be who and what we want/desire to be and so, we would decide to: Submit or Rebel?


And so, the child that is unprepared to face the world, will face many types and kinds of rejections: either a rejection from a job, rejected from schools/studies or when asking someone out - everyone faces rejections in their lives, it cannot be prevented. What can be prevented are the reactions that follow the rejection. If only the parents would have stood as an example and show the child how to deal with the rejections shown above, another story would be told about our children.


So, what is the current story of our Children? What are the Forces in play in moments of Rejections? How to handle rejections and transforming them into a window of opportunity to align, adjust and perfect ourselves? That will be discussed in my next blog.


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