Why children do not respects Parents? - Day 389

This is a continuation of the previous blog: Why did we stop questioning our reality? (Part 1) - Day 387 and

Why did we stop questioning our reality? (Part 2) - Day 388. For the full context of this blog, I suggest reading through these blogs for context.

 

In the previous blog I ended of with the following quote:

So - why did this memory came up. when I was looking at the memory and asked myself why this memory came up, a word flashed in my mind: "Respect". I realized that my relationship with my grandfather was of respect and integrity because he always took the time to explain to me a point when I asked: "Why". And as I go through my data base of information as I write here, I see more and more events when I asked him a question and he answered me while others did not. I also remember that when my grandmother for instance said: "No, because I said so", he expanded on the point and explained me the reason behind the answer: "No".

 

How can a parent expect their child to respect them if the parent do not stand within the principle of give as you would like to receive and within that context - treat with respect and you will be respected. If one do not respect the child in taking the time to walk them through the time line of understanding, and especially when  the child ask "why", one's action indicate that one do not respect one's child but rather acting as a dictator in controlling and forcing the child to absolute submission and suppression by using one's parental authority.

 

So now the child understands the meaning of the words: "No, because I said so" and the child will slowly but surely start to disrespect and distrust the parent because a relationship of integrity was never established. The child by now already realize that there is no common sense in the words: "No, because I said so" and the child already realize that there is no use to try and ask for clarification because there isn't much chance that the parent will suddenly change their contaminated habit and start explaining the reasoning behind the decision that had led them to speak the words: "No, because I said so". This is when the Rebelling stage comes in play.

 

With the child desire to walk a specific path and the parent saying "No", the child did not associated the path they wanted to go with the word: "NO" but they have associated the word "No" with their parents and therefore, from the child perspective, all they have to do is to remove the parent from the equation and the path is clear to go. Now they will walk the path behind the parents back. Do you know anyone who didn't do what ever they wanted behind the parents' back? Do you think that your parents did not do the same - did what ever they wanted behind their parents' back?

 

But later on, consequences will come to the child's doorstep so to speak and at the end of the day, they will have to tell the parents what they have done which by then, in many cases, it is too late and one can no longer prevent the consequences but face them.

 

Now, all of that is not understood by the parents in this world despite of the fact that we, when we were children, disrespected our parents, did things behind their back, told them about it only when it was already too late and consequences emerged and yet - once we become parents, a funny thing happen - we forget that we were children, we forget that we didn't trust our parents and we repeat the same mistakes our parents did with us even though we swear so many times that we will never be like our parents. But the fact of the matter is that there is only one thing we never did as adults - question our reality in terms of looking at how is it possible that despite of our agreement with ourselves to not treat our children as our parents treated us, we still repeat and walk our parents' foot steps. Bizarre.

 

More to come in the next blog

Why did we stop questioning our reality? (Part 1) - Day 387

 

 

There is this video that is running around the net now - Vegan rainbow child, Luiz Antonio - how world is changing with new generations. I obviously have my doubts about the starting points of the people who are promoting this video and how come the mother decided to suddenly take a camera and start filming but, putting aside these doubts I do want to share my 2 cents regarding this video.

 

Within today blog, I will specifically talk about the Children ability to see what we, as adults, are not able to see and within that, why is it that children question their reality and do not simply accept what they have been told but rather keep and asking the question: "Why?".

 

Most people I know, get irritated at some stage when the child does not stop to constantly ask: "but why?" and they later define it as the "Terrible Two", hoping that it will fade away as soon as possible without realizing that what they are actually  wishing for is that the child start suppressing their natural ability to question reality and start "acting" like "normal" human beings from the perspective of accepting the system and submitting to its set of norms and values.

 

I mean, how many times have you heard parents answering the child's genuine question "Why?" with the words "just because" / "because! (with high pitch sound) / "because this is what it is" / "because this is how it works" and the most famous one: "Because I said so".

How many parents do you know that actually take the time to explain the child the exact mechanics, relationships and the time lines involves within the child's questions? How many parents actually considered the child's ability to understand a point so specifically despite of their young age and lack of experience in life?

How many parents justified for themselves that there is no point in explaining the nitty gritty details to the child because the child would not be able to comprehend it anyway?

 

So here is a child that had taken a moment to question the food he received on his plate. Now, I cannot tell whether the family had previously brainwashed the kid that one should not eat animals and this was just a show run where the child repeating the point that was already discussed at home but since I cannot confirm the point, let's give it the benefit of the doubt because at the end of the day, there is a distinctive pattern that we are able to identify, work with, correct and eventually prevent.

 

Back to the point - so the kid was questioning his food and started asking if the food that he has on his plate is in essence an animal that had head and legs before it manifested in the shape he sees in front of his eyes. And he moves with the point and suddenly realize that a lot of the food that people eat was previously a living animal that had legs and heads and accordingly, he decide to not eat this specific meal because from his perspective, animals should not be eaten but taken cared for.

Whether or not I agree to this conclusion will be discussed in blogs to come but for now, my focus is on the ability of a child to question their reality and yet, this ability gets lost as we grow up and since we "lost" our ability to question reality, we also didn't question why is it that we stopped questioning our value system, beliefs, opinions and so on as we grow in age.

 

Will continue with this in my next blog.

Rejections as Parental Authority - Day 336

Continuing with the Question Who is Responsible for our Children's Education?

If you haven't already, I suggest reading through the previous blogs:

 

Who is Responsible for our Children's Education? - Day 332

Is the Zoo an Educational Experience for Children - Day 333

The Santa Claus Conspiracy - Can a Child Trust their Parents? - Day 334

Rejection as Parental Control? - Day 335

 

 

A comment I received on my Previous blog: Rejection as Parental Control? - Day 335

 

"I agree to an extent. It is also key for the child to understand who is in authority. When explanation is constantly given; the child can view themselves as an equal to the parent and as entitled to an explanation and therefore justification to obey. That is a mistake."

 

Perspective:

 

If you haven't already, I suggest reading through Day 340: What is Authority? by creation's Journey to Life where it was explained in simple Common Sense What Real Authority is:

 

"Authority is the Taking of Responsibility to Produce a Form of Management, Government, Directive Principle and Outcome that is Best for Everyone…"

 

"...Authority is That which Life Grants Each One Equally, the Authority as Life…"

 

Within that context, what is Parental Authority?

 

"..An Authority in Parenting would be to Show the Child ‘What is Best,’ How to Coexist Best without Fear in Peace in Harmony with Everyone else, Without Abusing or Dominating another, Without Enslaving another through Fear.."

 

And as I've mentioned in my Previous blog:

 

"...The tendency of parents is to simply answer: "No" and "Because I said so", without any form of explanation, without showing the common sense behind the decision and without teaching the child how to look at all things and decides on that which is best. In that, what parents are normally missing is the understanding that with showing these things to the child, and stand as an example of how to Deal with Dilemmas, how to solve problems and more importantly, how to prevent a problem as a foundation/tool the child would effectively grow and expand themselves instead of becoming ineffective emotional machine that would shape and form their characters to either submit, rebel or suppress their experience of rejections.."

 

Within the context of the Comment above, it is implied that the child isn't equal and cannot be equal to their parents which is bizarre if one would look at it because: didn't the child come from the Flesh of their parents and thus, on a physical level, is equal to and one as the parent? So then thus, what separate the child from the Parent is the Belief that the child isn't equal to the parent so that the parent could superimpose their authority onto the child without realizing that this type of authority is abusive. Why?

 

When authority is used to perpetuate the inequality within the family structure, one do not see, realize and understand that one is in essence, doom their child to be and become ineffective human being in this world.

See, when the child doesn't receive explanation for the Parent's decision, the child would not learn how to expand their seeing through investigating all things and keep that which is best and accordingly, the child may develop the habit of accepting things as they are, even when it's not for the best and would thus, not question and see the relationships involve in any decision one is making, the outflows and the consequences. Thus, the child would not be able to evaluate and assess the problem one would face or more importantly, figure out in a practical manner how to prevent a problem from occurring.

Within this, the child would turn out to be dysfunctional being who is not able to develop reasoning thinking, common sense and become effective in this world which is exactly the reason why we live in a world where solutions and preventions is not part of our daily participation but rather, accepting the world system as it is despite of the abuse and suffering that is part is existing and a direct divertive of our world system, without ever investigate all things and keep that which is best for all.

 

What needs to be investigated is why the parents is unwilling to stand as their child's equal and walk as the Principle of Give as you would like to Receive. Meaning, if you place yourself in the shoes of your child: would you like to be given an answer such as "No, because I said so" without understanding the reason for the rejection, what is the starting point of the rejection and what was the parent looking at when making the decision to answer: "No.? I'm pretty sure you would not appreciate such a thing.

 

If one would look in self honesty, when we automatically say: "No" it is most often a reaction. Whether the reaction is coming from Fear of Past experiences, the reaction would deny us from looking in common sense at all the possibilities and outflows that are involved within a decision.

Our Children are very sensitive to their environment and therefore, within themselves, they would pick up whether or not we have been self honest and genuine in our answer/approach/decision. From there, the child would either accept or reject the Decision. Meaning, if the child accept the parent's self-dishonesty, the child would tend to submit and if the child reject the parent's Self-dishonesty, the child would try to manipulate or rebel. In both scenario, the actions and behaviour that would form a part in how the child would create their personality/character that would play a role in their adulthood lives when facing moments of decisions.

Here, I would suggest listening to Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race - Part 3 where it was specifically discussed the point of accepting or rejecting the Energies the child would pick up from their Parents words.

 

"...look at the consequences of a parent asserting authority over the child - as this is what has essentially made it possible for beings to exist as they are today because we raise our children to give in and/or give up their 'power' to authority, regardless of whether or not the being in an authority position is actually able to be trusted to take responsibility and make decisions that are for the best.  The teaching of 'understanding authority' leads to conflict within the individual because of the self-doubt and self-distrust as a result of being told that an authority figure is right and knows what is best - regardless of whether or not there is common sense…" (perspective written by a friend of mine who is a mother of 5 years old child)

 

So, what is behind the belief that the child is not our equals will be further discussed in blogs to come.

Rejection as Parental Control? - Day 335

Continuing with the Question Who is Responsible for our Children's Education?

If you haven't already, I suggest reading through the previous blogs:

 

Who is Responsible for our Children's Education? - Day 332

Is the Zoo an Educational Experience for Children - Day 333

The Santa Claus Conspiracy - Can a Child Trust their Parents? - Day 334

 

As children, we often hear the words: "NO" or "Don't do that" and when we ask "Why" the answer in many cases is: "Because I said so". Fortunately, I do not have the personal experience of the Physical 'expression' of getting a slap or even worse but in some cultures and/or family structures, giving a slap to your child is educational approach to show the child who is the boss in the Child/Parent relationship. Within this, what the parents teach their child is that Rejection may Lead to Physical harm if one wouldn't accept the Rejection and submit to the parent authority and so, our learnt behaviour is to Fear Rejection because it may be associated with Physical and/or Emotional Harm if we only dare to question the hierarchical structure.

And thus, we would either submit to the Parental Authority of Rejections to our wants/needs/desires or we would start to rebelling. Let's have a closer look:

 

The tendency of parents is to simply answer: "No" and "Because I said so", without any form of explanation, without showing the common sense behind the decision and without teaching the child how to look at all things and decides on that which is best. In that, what parents are normally missing is the understanding that with showing these things to the child, and stand as an example of how to Deal with Dilemmas, how to solve problems and more importantly, how to prevent a problem as a foundation/tool the child would effectively grow and expand themselves instead of becoming ineffective emotional machine that would shape and form their characters to either submit, rebel or suppress their experience of rejections.

 

We start building up resentment towards our parents. We start keeping secrets from them so that we won't have to face the rejection and face the decision of submitting or rebelling. Maybe this is when our 'individuality' starts developing, when we start creating ourselves as Characters, as a reaction to the rejection we had faced because now, we must decide, who would we be, what would we be and what would we have to do to be who and what we want/desire to be and so, we would decide to: Submit or Rebel?

 

And so, the child that is unprepared to face the world, will face many types and kinds of rejections: either a rejection from a job, rejected from schools/studies or when asking someone out - everyone faces rejections in their lives, it cannot be prevented. What can be prevented are the reactions that follow the rejection. If only the parents would have stood as an example and show the child how to deal with the rejections shown above, another story would be told about our children.

 

So, what is the current story of our Children? What are the Forces in play in moments of Rejections? How to handle rejections and transforming them into a window of opportunity to align, adjust and perfect ourselves? That will be discussed in my next blog.