Do I have the right to Judge myself? Living in an experience of being controlled - Day 533

For context, please read:

Do you have the right to judge another - Day 531

Do I have the right to Judge myself? Potential consequences #1 - Day 532

In the previous blog, we looked at a potential consequences when we accept and allow self-judgement to exists inside of ourselves. We discussed a potential consequences of sabotaging/compromising and even ending your relationships with others.

I ended off with the statement:

"Will continue in my next blog with more potential outcomes when accepting and allowing self-judgement to be hidden but very much existed inside of ourselves. We will also look how to change this type of behaviour/pattern to be able to practically develop long lasting relationships of worth with others."

In this blog, we'll have a look at second potential consequence when we accept and allow our participation with self-judgement: Potential consequence #2: Living in an experience of being controlled.

Have you ever felt that you need to do things in secret or that you need to isolate yourself from everything and everyone so that you can do things without anyone knowing; have you ever felt that you need to diminish your expression around specific people? Have you ever experienced yourself avoiding certain people because you were concerned they will ask you a question you didn't want to answer?

If any of these questions were answered 'yes' than most likely that you are dealing with self-judgement yet projected through the eyes of others. You tell yourself that other people are to be blamed for why you need to live in secret, why you need to isolate or hide yourself or why you need to diminish certain expressions around them. As time goes by, you probably start feeling or experience yourself as if you are being controlled in your own environment, feeling you need your space, avoiding certain people and essentially, start blaming them for that, telling yourself a story of how much they are controlling you or your life. Obviously, this is not an absolute point but those of you who do accept and allow self-judgement to be their directive principle know what I am talking about. Don’t you?

What I have found in my own process of introspection is that when it came to my experience of feeling controlled by my family, friends or other people in my environment, it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. For example, I judged a specific expression as invalid to be expressed or believed it was not allowed to be expressed or had fears I would be judged if I had expressed it. So, I didn't allow myself to express myself within that specific expression which gave me the experience of being controlled, not seeing it was my own decision to diminish my expressions, not others.

The consequences of not being honest with yourself and allow yourself to judge your own expression and decisions is that this will create an experience of being controlled by others and you will make it so real in your mind that you'll try and go things in secrets, just not to face your own self-honesty. The consequences of that is that you'll have a relationship with people that is not based on integrity but rather on deception and we all know where that is going to lead you and your relationships..

Will continue in the next blog with more consequences when it comes to self-judgement.

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Artwork: Pamela Dzaet Hill, painter, USA

The Rebellion Daughter Mother Character - Day 81

This is a continuation to my previous blog:

My Life as a character - Overview - Day 79

The Family Charade in Character - Day 80

For Context, also read: Day 79: Stepping out of Character with LOVED ONES - Creation's Journey to Life, Bernard Poolman

Part 2: The Mother/Daughter Character - Looking at specific Characters:

The Rebellion Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a daughter of this world, to rebel against the parents in my journey of seeking after my independence and individuality and I perceived the parents to sabotage my journey as I've perceived their morality standard and the way they perceive LIFE to be limited, narrow and constricted. What I have failed to realize, see and understand that my perception of LIFE was through the eye of a character, that I have created in separation of myself and to be able to sustain this character of myself, I had to create multiple characters within my self and as others like for instance, the parents in this world.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a daughter in this world, to create myself as the character of and as the rebellion daughter and for me to be able to exists within and as this character, I had to create the parents in the image of likeness that will suit my character and I have failed to realize that my perception of my Parents where within the eye of myself as the character, seeing them as the characters they have created for themselves instantaneous as I created them as characters that will allow me to sustain my rebellion daughter character.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a daughter in this world, to create and manifest myself as a character of the rebellion daughter through continually and continuously justifying in my mind why is it that I'm right and my parents are wrong and I haven't realized that within that very moment of participating in my backchat, I've created another dimension of myself, another character - the one that justify my self interest of "I'm right".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a daughter in this world to believe that the parents are constricting and limiting my freedom as well as my expression and I haven't realized that within that belief, I've created myself as a character - an inferior character that blame everything for the limitation and constriction that I've placed upon myself as a character. And then I go, and try to rebel against my own limitation and constriction through the characters that I've created as the parents so that we can all in agreement, sustain all our characters and within that, make sure that we will not step out of characters.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to limit my child expression within and as the character that I've created as myself, to protect my own fears which I've not seen that it was always just another character which I've superimposed on my daughter character.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself as a parent in this world, to see, realize and understand how I've created my rebellion child character in the image and likeness of myself as a rebellion child and how, generation after generation, I've looped myself as a character and all my family member's character so that we can all stay in character to ensure that none of us will step out of character.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, as a family member in this world, how I've created our characters in self interest, so that we will never step out of our characters and create LIFE that is best for all in fact and how, generation after generation, I've kept all the character in place, playing the same script over and over again.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that so long as I keep my characters: Fear, self interest, cultural beliefs, opinions etc. I'm creating more and more characters to sustain those characters which include creating my children as characters that may rebel to my character exactly as I've rebelled to my parents characters and here we go - creating a never ending time loop where we are all kept as characters that we have created ourselves as characters to ensure one single point - that our self interest will remain and we will never require to clean up the mess that we have left after ourselves.

I commit myself to show and expose how we've created, generation after generation ourselves as characters; either of the child or the parents and within that, looped the same points over and over again, so that we won't have to actually face the mess that we've created ourselves, to not have to clean the mess that we've created ourselves and thus, continue reserving the character, life after life after life, instead of actually creating LIFE that is best for all, through cleaning up the mess for once and for all.

I commit myself to show that the only way the rebellion daughter character can stand intact, is through creating the parents as a character wherein both will play the written script that we have all agreed to play and stand as.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to step out of characters through taking all the characters that we have created in this world, delete them from within and as me until no character remain and LIFE can be created in fact.

In the next blogs to come:

The Submissive Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

The Perfect Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

The Caring Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

The Clever Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

The promiscuous Daughter and the relationship with the Mother:

The Loving Daughter and the relationship with the Mother: