Learning to Trust myself - Day 406

Interestingly enough, in the last couple of weeks, the main point I was working with was Self Trust, Self Acceptance, Respect and Worth as I uncovered a deeper layer I haven't seen before within myself. These are the words I have written down for myself when I started looking at the point maybe 3 weeks ago:

"Recently, it became more evident that I am following a religion, the religion of myself; a religion that I've wrote with my own blood, flesh and the entire body; a religion that I follow so dearly without realizing that within this religion of myself, I have diminished and compromised myself to such an extent that self-worth, self-respect and self-value are just titles I can give to myself through the validation of others. In other words, in the religion that I lived by, the first commandment was- You shall be Valued, Worthy and Respected only if others will…"

I haven't published that blog as I planned to walk the point first as myself, as the living change and then share it with the world as a point of support.

Bernard was pushing this point more and more recently so that I could finally make a decision - to either trust myself completely and unconditionally or to always remain a slave where I require glorifications from others to be able to validate myself. Within my current responsibilities, I was directly working with Bernard as I took on a position that requires Specificity, Responsibility and Certainty and most importantly self-trust. Though, the one thing I feared the most was making mistakes - since a mistake won't only influence my life, but the lives of many others. Bernard never gave me the answers but instead, insisted that I will first look at the point for myself, assess all things, all outcomes and make decisions.

So, a week ago, I started to practically apply Self Trust wherein I would make a decision, be comfortable with the decision, check myself, cross reference myself and then, once the decision was applied, I would share it with him as a 'By the way' thing and he would either say 'cool' or 'have you looked at…' or 'have you considered that' or 'Maya, your voice tonality shows that your decision was done within a starting point of a reaction so what is the reaction all about?'.

But then he died, and I cannot say that I transcended the point yet. In fact, my physical body shows that there is still unresolved points that I haven't considered or effectively applied. The trust point, in my back where the pain shows that there is a part of me that cannot trust myself without Bernard being here to support me within the decisions that I make and the decisions that I will have to make.

So my back is stiff, sore, constricted and basically, that point in my back is now weak as the support structure I've created for myself in separation of myself/body is nonexistent, as I have separated the self-trust into a relationship with Bernard, trusting him more than I trusted myself and in this exists the separation. Now I have to teach myself to trust myself so absolutely - so that no matter what I face, I am stable within myself.

I must create my own support structure wherein Self Honesty, Assessing all things and deciding on that which would result in the outcome that is best for all is practically applied within each breath I take. To trust myself that when I make a mistake, I learn from the mistake, I correct myself and practically change - "simple" as Bernard used to say.

So I commit myself to learn to trust myself unconditionally and to support myself and become the support Bernard stood as and in a way still standing, for me and for others.

Bring the point back to self - Day 141

To understand the context of this blog, please read first - Who will take the blame - Day 140

 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards those who cannot hear the message of what is best for all in general and the EMS in particular and within that, I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that each one of us is a victim to our own brainwashed programming that we have came to be and accordingly, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to remind myself that it also took me a physical space time application to be able to hear the Desteni message and re-educate myself.

 

I see, realize and understand that it will take time and consistent application to educate the world within the principle of what is best for all and I realize that when and as I react and not standing in stability as the directive principle, I'm directly and indirectly, sabotaging not only myself but the beings I communicate with as I'm not standing as unconditionally support for them to be able to hear the message through placing myself in their shoes, equal and one, to see where they are within the existential process and direct the point as effective as possible, breath by breath.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting in anger towards those who do not agree with EMS, to Stop, to Breathe, and to see where the being is in their existential process. I give myself the permission to remain quiet or to speak directly according to what I see would be the best in that moment as I see, realize and understand the programming that involved and what is require to be done in order to assist and support the beings I communicate with.

 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience inferiority when and as people that I communicate with justify their point of view with history and because my knowledge and information about history is lacking, I experience myself as adequate to communicate and explain the EMS message.

 

I now see, realize and understand that the Living experience of this current world is the consequences of our acceptance and allowances throughout history and therefor, we are the living memory of our History. Within that, knowing the details of the History is irrelevant because what is relevant is that which is here and there is no doubt that what is here is not a world that is best for all.

 

I commit myself to when and as I experience inferiority within and as myself due to having lack of knowledge and information about History when communicating about the EMS, to stop, take a breath and remind myself that we are the living memory of our history and what is require to be done is change the current living experiences of this world as it is not a world that is best for all. Within that, I commit myself to direct the communication with Common Sense, step by step according to the equality equation which means that when I communicate with people that disagree to the EMS, to walk with them the common sense time line through which they would be able to see why and how the EMS is the only solution that is possible on earth as the initial step to bring about a world that is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being able to bring through a direct communication that people would see the common sense in the EMS and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the reason why I wasn't able to bring through a direct communication with regards to EMS was because I wasn't standing within and as myself, as communication but rather, tried and attempted to justify and defend myself, as I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what is here as well as the people I was communicating with by missing a breath.

 

I see, realize and understand that when I miss a breath and communicate in separation from myself through reaction, I compromise myself, the beings I communicate with as I've abdicated my responsibility to stand in stability, common sense living application, breath by breath and direct the moment effectively.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself accessing a defensive mode within my communication with other beings, to stop, to breath and direct the moment as effective as possible according to what is see as best for all in every given moment.

Who will take the blame - Day 140

 

 

For context, please read Day 139: The Rapture and True Activism

 

Today I had a conversation with relatively, very rich people. They were asking me what am I doing on the Farm, what is our agenda, how are we going to pull it through and so on.

The interesting point was that no matter what I've said, they would come up with excuses and justification for why it wouldn't work, why I should focus on charities and medical aid in small villages in Africa and why am I wasting my time while I could do something else.

 

The point where I stopped the communication was when I've noticed that they are trying and attempting to find blame/fault in others for why they wouldn't change and stand up if others won't change and stand up because if they would change and stand up and others won't, others would use and abuse them according to their eye's view.

 

So who will take the Blame? Who will see and realize it is those who can hear the message that must stand up, regardless of whether or not others would change? Who would take the blame and bring it back to self and become a living example in this world? Who would allow oneself to see what self has accepted and allowed in this world and accordingly, walk the path into correction, internally and externally?

 

It is all about rewards and what we will not do because others won't do. Unconditional walking was never part of our living application. Why is it that 'what is best for all' is not part of the education? Why is it that all we ever taught was to take care of our assess while always finding something to blame for our experiences and the experiences of others?

 

In my next blogs, I will walk the Self Forgiveness application in relation to my reactions towards in my environment who would disagree and dismiss the EMS and Desteni and within that, turn the point back to myself. Because what is clear is that if I were stable within and as myself, I wouldn't react in my communication and was able to direct the point regardless of the others' words and deeds. I suggest also reading - Equal Money System? No… It's not going to work  - Day 60

 

 

Charity Exposed - Day 73

For Context -

Please listen to the interview:

Life Review - An Elite Philanthropist

And read:

Day 68: Why Does Our Future Even Require Funding - Activist Journey to Life

Day 39: Is Charity Greed? - Creation Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have refused to see that Charity isn't the solution that will bring about a world that is best for all because for Charity to exists, poverty must exists, diseases must exists, disabled people must exists etc. within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the polarity that is playing out within the Charity concepts wherein for Charity to exists - Poverty and Wealth must exists as a polarity design that perpetuate the inequality of this world.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question the Charity funds process wherein the resources, food, labour that goes into it, the fuel, airplane, medical practitioners - all of that comes from many other sectors in the world system that the Elite families own and thus, the fact of the matter is that when the Elite families are giving money to charity, they are double and triple their profit in the process because within that, money is being circulated within the world money system without any actual regard or care of the people that are starving because in essence, the more people have nothing, the more the elite have for themselves.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when the charity ourses are being distributed from different sectors around the globe, the Money system is making money of the existence of charity because all that was gathered for charity is mostly own be specific elite families funds, which is connected to various corporation, industries, companies, countries etc which in essence, the Charity industry, is another way for the elite family to make more money.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that Charity is part of the Money System and is dependent on the world system of poverty and wealth which within that, an actual solution to the global situation of poverty, starvation and famine is in no concern of the world system because if it was, we would change the entire world system into a manifestation that will make sure that all the resources will distributed equally and will reach all parts of the world and yet, the current concern of the world/Money system is to make more and more money.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that Charity isn't and won't change the world for the better because it can only touch beings life for a moment and then it's gone; If charity was really beneficial in this world, it would have already made a change. Within that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to acknowledge that charity is just another part of the world money system and its existence is dependent on poverty, famine and war as the foundation of the world economic system and thus, in essence, Charity is another profit opportunity for the Elite families of this world to make more money.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my expectation that charity and fund raising can actually make a change in this world is naïve and irresponsible because within that, I haven't consider the actual, practical and physical requirement of the resources, to assist and support the third world countries to stand up on their feet and within that, I have not consider what it actually take to walk with a country and reconstruct/rebuild the country until it's done and the dependency is no longer determine whether or not one will live or die.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE, REALIZE and Finally UNDERSTAND that the earth's resources should have never been allowed to be privatized and own by only a few and that within a system of Equality, all the resources are equally distributed as a basic human living right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that charity is used by the dishonest EGO to feel better about the many daily dishonesties that are required from each human to function and be part of a failed system. Bernard Poolman

I commit myself to bring an end to poverty and to stop the dependent relationship between Money and the earth resources within the establishment of Equality system that will equally distributed all resources to all parts of the world.

I commit myself to expose the Charity Process and to prove that the starting point of charity is in no way to actually support all Equally but to in fact, double and triple the profit of those who owns the world system's industries, banks, corporations etc.

I commit myself to end Charities as it is clearly demonstrated to have no beneficial effect within the world system and within that, I stand for a world that is best for all and thus, commit myself to an active part of the establishment of Equal Money System that will bring LIFE that are worthy Equally to All.

I commit myself to show and expose the relationship between the existence of Charity and Poverty and to show - that when Charity exists, Poverty exists. When Equality exists, charity will no longer exists.

I commit myself to show that those who funds and maintain the entire charity industries, could have used their power and resources to bring about a world that is in fact best for all which than within that, the fact that they didn't, question their integrity and good will.

Role Models – Day 17

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see specific beings as a role model which I believed myself to be inspired by, without seeing that that which I’m inspired by is a point within me that I’ve not accepted as me, in separation of me because I perceived myself as lacking and incapable of standing as that point of self-expression as equal to and one as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to perceive people as a role model within an idea that I’ve created about them, without realizing that the idea is not even about them as who or what they are representing, it is about me and that which I’ve perceived myself as lacking in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place value in specific people which I’ve define as a role model, without realizing that if they were in fact a role model who stand as an example of what is best for all lives, they would actually challenge this existence and direct themselves and this world to a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that parents are a role model to their children despite the fact that if they would, they would challenge their own existence as their beliefs, opinions, religion of self as well as the world system and they would walk towards a solution that is in fact best for all lives and in doing so, will support and direct their children to become an effective human being as the Living expression of Life, within and as the Physical reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see specific Politian as a role model, despite the fact that they have not done any substantial change in their lives as well as in this world as the physical evidence is of a world that is still a world that is best for only a select few, a world that is determine according to how much money one has in order to fulfil one’s desires while allowing the majority of the world to die in starvation, malnutrition, diseases and suffering.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resists standing as a role model within the example that change is possible because I have not taken the responsibility to decide WHO I am as life and actually walking that decision within every moment of every breathe through a physical and substantial change, without realizing that as long as I wait and justify why I am not willing to change, I’m putting this world in jeopardy because if I can’t change, I can’t expect the world to change.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deny, ignore and spite those who are standing as an example, those who can in fact challenge my existence and assist me with expanding and empowering me to become LIFE, because I’ve been secretly jealous and competitive towards them, not realizing that by doing so, I’m compromising and limiting myself and this world by not giving me the chance for a real and substantial change.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see those that are standing as an example and to actually grow and expend myself with their assistance and support because of my Ego wherein, I’ve decided to compete with them and make them less than me in my mind so that I could define myself as worthy through finding fault in them and in doing so, miss an opportunity for an actual change within myself and the relationships that I have in my life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compete with those who are standing as an example for me to grow and expend myself because I perceive them as a threat to my Ego, not realizing that the very resistance that I’m experiencing towards them is due to jealousy when I perceive myself as lacking with what they have however, what I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize is that it is not what they Have that define them, it is who they are as the decision and the process they have walked to get to who they are and thus, they stand as an example of What and Who I can be when making the decision to walk the process to get to Who I am as a living expression of life

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE that those whom I’ve decided to follow by example weren’t standing according to principles of what is best for all because if they would, they would insist of self perfection and support others to reach their utmost potential by not accepting and allowing any form of shit from themselves and others and in doing so, assist and support existence within exposing the dishonesties and deceptions that are the foundation of this world and would have done whatever it takes to change this world to a place that is worth living.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that those whom I should see as an example are those who stand for principles of Oneness and Equality and wouldn’t not take shit from anything or anyone in existence, those who will do whatever it takes to expose the deception that we have defined as life so that we could actually become LIFE that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to follow by the example of those who will not assist and support me to expend and grow but rather, assist me with remaining prisoned and occupied in my mind and I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the reason why I’m using those people as an example is because they do not threat my existence nor challenge me as that which I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exists as and thus, I do not have to face and practically change myself for what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be jealous at those who I see as effective, discipline and self directed because I perceived them as a threat in the secret competition of the ego personality that I’ve created, instead of seeing those people as a pillar, as an example of who I can become if I make the decision to be self effective, self discipline and self direct in every moment of every breath and within that, direct myself and my world to take full responsibility for what we’ve accepted and allowed so that we could face and change ourselves and this world to a world that is worth living, to a world that is in fact best for all in all ways possible.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to transform the jealousy to a point of self change and instead, became spiteful towards the beings I’m jealous at in my mind, tried to find fault in them so that I could feel worthy, good and better about myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ignore the example that other people are standing as and instead, fight for my limitations by competing with them in my secret mind in the attempt of making myself feel worthy and validated.

I commit myself to stand as an example that a change is possible and I commit myself to challenge the existence of me as well as others so that we can all face ourselves and practically change, to never again be directed by self interest limited starting point but rather, direct ourselves and this world according to and as principle that are best for all LIFE, practically and physically.

I commit myself to stop jealousy towards those who may assist me in my process to become LIFE because I see and realize that my acceptance of me as jealousy doesn’t support me in anyway. And thus, I commit myself to utilize Jealousy as a gift for self transformation wherein, when and as I see myself accessing jealousy, I stop, I breathe and I investigate where, how and why I’ve separated myself from myself by perceiving that I’m lacking.

I commit myself to breathe and stop back chat when and as I see that I’m accessing resistance to what is being shared with me, so that I could look at the point in self honesty and direct myself in stability and self trust because I realize that whenever a resistance comes up from within me, there is a key point to self transformation and when I supress and hide from the actual point, I’m manifesting unnecessary time loop for myself and in that, compromising my entire process as well as the world process.

Who I am – Day 16

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to spite myself through holding on the desire of relationship even though I see and realize the consequences of such desire to exists within and as me because I haven’t yet made the ultimate decision of WHO I AM in every moment of every breath and thus, in every moment that I haven’t yet decided who I am, I’m literally spiting myself and compromising this world because I than, have no power as there is no Self-Trust.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to spite myself through going back to my mind even though I’ve seen the time line, my responsibility within it, the outflows and consequences because I haven’t yet accepted me as Life and there for, haven’t yet made the decision and walked myself back to myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted myself as a desire for a relationship from the starting point of energy as the feeling that I’m waiting for because I haven’t respected myself enough to walk the decision of getting back to myself, as the entirety of myself, as Life that is here and within that to give up every desire and decision that I’ve made in a process of accumulation of self interest.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to get myself back to myself here, it is a process of accumulation of living breath by breath and thus, I commit myself to walk myself to freedom, step by step, breath by breath. If I make a mistake, I face, correct and change, and I move myself within the breath as a living expression of myself as Life.

So – I Commit myself to walk myself back to myself as Life that is here. I commit myself to breathe and Live in every moment because practically, that is the only thing that can be done in every breathing moment.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to even consider WHO I AM and instead, I’ve accepted the limitation of myself as the mind to only a few personality designs that I’ve created as a protection mechanism to suppress my fears that I’ve accepted to be me.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the limitation that I’ve become through the accepted and allowed personalities creations which within doing so, I’ve separated myself from WHO I AM and suppressed my beingness to the extent of not realizing WHO I am in fact.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the actual LIVING in and as the Physical reality because I was occupied in my mind, in my safe and protected reality which I’ve taken for granted as if it is life.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the world is a reflection of who I am within the actions and deeds that I do as equal to and one with the decisions that I make and the thoughts that I follow and thus, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT see the relationship between Who I really AM and this world system so that I won’t have to face my acceptance of me as EVIL that have accepted and allowed this world to manifest in its correct existence of abuse and suffering.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT consider that Who I am create what I do and if WHO I am isn’t Equal to and One as LIFE, who I am is in fact Evil. And thus, I forgive myself that I haven’t considered that What I Do is determine by Who I AM and thus, I commit myself to become LIFE and Do only that which Support LIFE.

I commit myself to get myself back to myself and to actually fully participate in the physical reality in every living moment as breath.

I commit myself to the decision of becoming LIFE and to do whatever it takes to get myself Here as LIFE and the outcome of my decision will be determine by What I Do as best for all Life . I commit myself to – when and as I see myself accessing my mind, to NOT accept and allow myself to participate and follow the pictures/thoughts/feelings/emotions, and to immediately delete the desire through the realization that WHO I am as LIFE isn’t defined by momentary desires but WHO I AM here is Breath as the living expression as me.

For more Support -Day 15: Who am I? Prisoner of the Mind?