Memories - From the Smaller to the Greater - Day 34

Life Review - How I ruined my Life with a Memory

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto and contain an emotional charge within a past Memory and within that, have accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to the memory without my awareness of doing so which then thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be directed, control and enslaved to a past memory and I haven't allowed myself be the directive principle breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself and others in my world because I've reacted to a point in my immediate environment and instead of directing that which was required to be directed, I've access the memory from my past that was charged with Negative Energy and I acted from the other side of the polarity by doing the opposite from what I've done in the past within the belief that it's the correction however, I've failed to see that going from one side of the polarity to the other isn't a physical correction in fact but rather a self manipulation that is control by the Ego which saying to me - "you are doing the right thing, you don't need to correct yourself now".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compromise a being in my direct environment as well as myself because a pattern that they have accepted as themselves played out reminded me a memory from my past where a similar pattern played out by another being which manifested anger and irritation within me and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to  face my past and walking the correction of STOPing the back chat, anger and irritation and remain in breath and when it's done, assisting and supporting the other being with seeing their acceptance pattern so that they could face themselves and accordingly change.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences of holding onto a memory from my past that contained energetic charge wherein, not only I've sabotaged and compromised myself, I've compromised other being in my direct environment because I refused to see that if I'm not correcting and changing myself according to principles that are best for all, I'm not standing as a support for others beings in my world and then thus, prolonging the existential process for everyone else.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to give value to the small and minuet memories that I hold on to within the containment of Energetic charge which than, I live out the past memory design without being aware of it and within that, giving the permission to be enslaved and control by my mind instead of taking the responsibility to walk through each and every memory, from the small to the greater, correct myself and change.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to Refuse to see that small and minuet memories accumulate to a daily application of walking the memory design with no awareness of self as self abdicated the responsibility to be the directive principle by giving the mind the permission to control, enslave and direct self.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see and realize that if I allow myself to walk the past memory design in my day to day application, I'm not giving me the permission to change as I've abdicated the responsibility to walk breath by breath as the directive principle and within that, haven't taken responsibility for the existence as a whole because unless I'm standing up within absolute self change and thus standing as an example and as a pillar of support for others, I'm useless in this world.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that to change ourselves, we have to change all the minute parts of ourselves because those tiny parts accumulate and become a fatal virus in our mind and as within, so without - I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the basic common sense - when we neglect the small parts of ourselves within the definition that they are insignificant we allow the fatal virus in the world system where we allowed an accumulation of many insignificant part that are not being sorted out and thus, manifested a world where the majority is not being considered as they defined as insignificant which created a fatal virus which called the human civilization.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between our mind and the world system wherein, exactly as we ignore the small parts of ourselves in separation of ourselves and thus have allowed ourselves to be controlled and enslaved to our mind, we, as small individual has not realized that the accumulation of the relationships between us all has manifested the greater - the current money system of abuse and suffering for the majority of this world and thus, to bring about a change in this world, we must take individual responsibility  and group together in equality and oneness to manifest a world that is best for all the individual parts equally.

(For more Context, please read - "The Chicken or the Egg?? Part One: DAY 30"

I commit myself to investigate ALL the parts of myself that has accumulate to various networks designs within me and to become the directive principle in breath by breath because I realize that when I allow parts of myself which I've separated myself from, I'm giving the permission for myself to be controlled and enslaved by patterns and memories which is Unacceptable.

I commit myself to become aware and attentive to the trigger points I'm automatically acting on during my days and investigate the entire time line till I'll be satisfied that I'm no longer enslaved and control to my past and I'm in fact the directive principle within each and every single breath.

I commit myself to sort out all the minute parts of myself because I realize that those minute parts accumulate to a fatal virus in my mind and I realize the for changing myself, I have to take into consideration all the parts of myself that I've separated myself from and bring it all here, equal and one and sort myself out part by part in breath by breath.

I commit myself to stand up and bring every single reaction that I have towards pattern that another accepted as themselves, back to myself because unless I sort myself out, I'm a useless support for others and thus, the change of this world will take longer because I haven't taken the responsibility to change myself first.

I commit myself to stand as an example of what does it takes to correct and change all the parts of myself that I've separated myself from through my writings.

I commit myself to bring all the parts of me together in alignment to and as that which is best for all.

I commit myself to educate and show to humanity that to change the world, all the minute parts must stand together  in equality and oneness.

I commit myself to stand and bring all the parts of me as individual human beings together within the alignment of what is best for all and together, we will take the first step of establishing a system that is best for all - Equal Money System - Equal Life System. 

Also read - Day 33: Peace of Mind – Mind in Pieces

Friendship Relationship - Day 29

Art by Andrew Gable

System definition - (dictionary.com)

1.a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3.a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4.a member of the same nation, party, etc.

Friendship with the current system is defined by two or more beings that share the same self interest beliefs, mannerism, opinions and so on. The support structure is to remain enslaved to one's self interest and is in no way a support for oneself and each other to face one's accepted and allowed personality and practically change.

My allocation point with relation to the word Friend is ‘Free-End’ which will be debunked through the Self Forgiveness statements.

So what is Friendship within the principle of Oneness and Equality?
2 or more beings that assist and support each other within one's process of stepping out of one's mind as well as walking one and equal with everyone and everything.

Self Forgiveness -

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself from a childhood experience of friendship to define friendship as a suffocated relationship between human being where my beingness is being suppressed and shivered into separated parts of myself and where my freedom doesn't play a part.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that I define 'My freedom' according to a self interest starting point where I'm only taking myself into consideration and my own fulfilment of my desires and not even considering everything and everyone in existence and within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied with my own search of a perceived freedom instead of walking towards a solution that is be best for all lives which than, we can all physically live the living expression of the word freedom where we freed ourselves from our own limitation of the mind and establish a world that is physically best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself within friendship as a being with no self freedom, due to childhood experience within friendship relationship and thus, instead of sorting out myself and getting to know Who I am with no attachment to Whom I am with and allow myself to establish a supportive friendship relationships, I've hold onto the memory experienced and developed a protection mechanism so that I won't experience the same suffocated experience that I've experienced within a childhood friendship and instead, went after friendship relationship where I'm the dominant and the controller one so that no one could ever again take my freedom away or went after friendship relationships that are not based on intimacy so that I could get out of the relationship with ease whenever I wanted to and also, when I found myself in intimate friendship relationship, I've done my best to get out of the relationship without even being aware of my doing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to when I found myself in intimate friendship relationship to sabotage the relationship until it eventually ended and I forgive myself that I haven't taken a moment to see my responsibility within it and investigate the pattern that played out because I preoccupied myself in my mind, justifying and making excuses of why it was about the other being and why I had to act/behave as I did as self righteous and thus, denying from myself the opportunity to correct my living application that is based on fear and transform/change myself to a living physical human being that is Actually LIVING in the physical reality instead of being occupied in my mind 24/7.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear friendships when I'm not the dominant and the controller part in it because than, I would place myself in a vulnerable position according to my experience with a close friendship relationship in my childhood and within that, I forgive myself that what I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see is my attempt to correct my friendship childhood experience from the other side of the polarity instead of aligning myself and establish relationships from the starting point of walking equal and one with myself and the being I'm in a friendship relationship with.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see my participation as well as my allowance within the friendship relationship connection that I've had in my childhood years and instead of taking responsibility for not directing myself effectively back than within my acceptance diminishment and submission, I've blamed and felt hatred towards the being that I was in friendship relationship with in my childhood years.

Art by Andrew Gable

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the hatred towards the being that I were in friendship relationship in my childhood years is in fact towards myself for how I've accepted and allowed myself to be abused by another human being and within that - abusing myself and I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the emotions/feelings towards another human being are emotions/feelings that I experience towards myself however only project it towards another as well as realizing that there is a point that I've separated myself from and haven't taken the responsibility to sort myself out and align myself to myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not seeing that I'm sabotaging and abusing myself within my friendship relationship in my childhood years from the starting point of expecting them to save me from the relationship and within that I've accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on others to fix my own problems instead of seeing and realizing that I must stand up and correct my living application and no one can do it for me we all as I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect others to save me from that friendship relationship without allowing myself to share and open the point with them and thus, suppressing and hiding the truth from them because within me I knew that what ever advise they will share with me, I will have to be the one who stand up and correct myself and I didn't want to do so and have decided to take the suppressing approach and find alternative and manipulative solutions of how to end the friendship without me having to stand up and face myself within standing up.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relive the childhood friendship relationship through other friendship connections that I have had throughout my life but I've failed to see that I'm approaching friendship relationship from the starting point of fear and thus, bouncing between one side of the polarity to the other instead of stopping for a moment to reassess who I am within friendship relationships as well as investigate what and how I've accepted and allowed myself to become within friendship relationship connection and accordingly correct and change myself within the principle of what is best for all as the living application of - do onto another that which you'd like to be done onto you.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be vulnerable and intimate within friendship relationships because it would than mean that I'm placing myself in a position where I can be manipulated and controlled through the information that I'm sharing and yet, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that vulnerability and intimacy cannot be used to manipulate and control unless I allow it as well as I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to give myself the chance to walk equal and one with another human being based on a childhood friendship memory experience and within that, haven't allowed myself to assist and support myself through establishing a supportive relationship with another while walking with another human being in a close and intimate friendship relationship while unconditionally enjoy myself and the other being.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to freak out when and as there was a being that wanted to have a close and intimate friendship relationship with me because I didn't want to take the responsibility that comes with the establishment of such friendship relationship because I've defined that responsibility from the starting point of burden according to the memory experience of my childhood friendship relationship and thus, have misinterpreted responsibility with the suffocation experience which consumed me and haven't allowed myself to walk a physical correction through the establishment of equal and one walking with another human being within a friendship relationship connection .

I forgive myself that I've attached/defined/connected/associated burden with self responsibility because I've defined myself according to What I do and Whom I am with without realizing that none of that is Who I Am as a living expression . I realize that self responsibility is a practical living expression where I allow myself to express who I am within and according to principle that are best for all lives and thus, when and as I see myself accessing the experience of burden, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back to my physical human body because I realize that within the experience of burden, I've missed a breath and fell into the design of defining myself according to what I do and whom I am with and thus, I go back to allocate my starting point and directing myself through self forgiveness and practical living correction.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as unworthy and thus, when opportunity to establish a supportive friendship relationship with another human being came up, I backed out because I couldn't equalize myself with the being and always saw myself as less than which created a friction within me when the being tried to develop a close relationship with me and I interpreted that relationship creation as a fake relationship creation as if the being is trying to do me a favour by being in a friendship relationship with me because I couldn't even conceive that the other being doesn’t see me as less than and thus would like to develop and establish a supportive friendship relationship with me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become so fearful from intimate friendship relationships and within NOT standing up from within myself and sorting myself out, I've walked a looooooooooong time loop just to get to the point of eventually facing myself. I commit myself to direct myself to take the responsibility within each and every single and minuet point that exists within me and isn't aligned in equality and oneness because I see and realize that it is a waste of time to be preoccupied with things that I was able to take on and sort out instead of utilizing my physical time effectively and actually do something that is substantial for a solution that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to yearn for a close friendship relationship connection but at the same time feared having one and thus, when and as I saw a potential to establish a friendship relationship that is not obligated in essence, I jumped right into it and changed my entire personality just to fit for a moment and experience the feeling of togetherness even if it meant that I had to compromise myself because I it would be as far as I will allow myself to get without getting the same childhood experience of suffocation, being controlled and abused.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live the living expression of the word 'Friend' as 'Free-End' due to my childhood friendship relationship and thus, since than, even allowed myself to redefine the living expression of the word 'Friend' and Live the correction wherein 'Friendship' IS: 2 or more beings that assist and support each other within one's process of stepping out of one's mind as well as walking one and equal with everyone and everything.

I commit myself to Live the physical practical living expression of the word 'Friendship' within the starting point of establishing a supportive friendship relationships with beings and walking equal and one with and as them within our processes of stepping out of the mind and accessing ourselves as a physical living expression.

I commit myself to change myself and allow myself to be vulnerable with another human being because I realize that no one can abuse, control and manipulate me unless I allow it and thus, I commit myself to take NO shit from myself and the beings that I'm walking friendship relationships with and to stand in absolute self trust and direct myself and the friendship relationship effectively.

I commit myself to assist and support the children to come with developing and establishing a support structure within their friendship relationships and within that, becoming effective human beings within and without.

I commit myself to go through all my friendship relationships that I've had/hade to see the patterns that played/playing out as personalities that I've allowed myself to have/had and walk the correction within myself to not accept and allow myself to continue time looping and within that, sabotaging myself and my friendship relationships that I've have.

I commit myself to stop the back chat towards the beings that I've friendship relationships with because I realize that if I allow back chat towards another human being, there is a point within me that require direction and correction because the back chat reveals a point that I've not sorted out and/or aligned myself yet which is not acceptable.

I commit myself to stop my backchat in totality because every moment that I allow myself to participate with back chat, it is a moment where I've missed a breath and allowed separation to exists within me and this existence as a whole.

I commit myself to take responsibility within my friendship relationships and to be the directive principle according to that which is best for all