Jan 5, 2016 | By: A Woman

Holding myself captive in my own mind - Day 537

I've been looking at this point for quite a while. In fact, I started looking at it when I saw that I am holding past mistakes against people whom I judged, and in doing so, I saw that I didn't support them to move to a point of change.

For example, the judgement could come through a point of 'expectation' meaning, expecting someone to not change because their past action showed  that their application can't be trusted. I saw that I was expecting people to fail in changing a pattern they have been struggling to change and instead of holding their utmost potential of who they are, I've been reacting to the fact they haven't been changing.

But interestingly enough - what I did not see was how at the same time I've been expecting them to fail, I failed. That was because I always reacted to them not changing lol. And in that reaction, I didn't move myself to a point of change in the sense of stop reacting and stand as a point of support for them, with the pattern they are struggling to change.
IN other words, it was never about them not changing, it was about me not changing that I was mostly reacting to.

In looking at these things, another question came up. I usually don't ask metaphysical level questions because I can't answer the questions for myself but this one was interesting because the possibility the answer was 'yes' was big enough motivation for me to explore this option. I asked: "Is the reason why they don't change is because I'm not changing my reaction to them not changing?"

So now that the focus shifted completely to me I was looking at my self-honesty, responsibility and empowerment, and asked: where do I keep myself captive in my own mind? What are the patterns that I'm struggling to change? What ideas or judgement do I have about myself through which I keep myself locked in my own mind?

I turned the point back to myself and explored and still exploring and investigating the moments of self-judgement where I keep myself captive in my own mind and thus not allowing myself any moment of grace that could actually lead to a point of real time change.

It is actually this blog post that is the introduction to a blog series that I wrote: "Do I have the right to judge myself?". I will continue discussing and sharing more as it comes and for now, let's have a look or even make a list of all the moments we've been keeping ourselves captive in our minds due to self-judgement we've accepted and allowed to beLIEve to be real. Then, we'll set ourselves free from our own judgement with the support of specific self-help tools we can each apply for ourselves - Self Forgiveness, commitment to change and most importantly, the follow through with our commitment to change until we have, no matter how long it will take.



Artist: Simon Birch


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