This is a continuation to:
Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge- Day 175
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire for an excuse to release myself from my day to day Living Responsibilities within having a monthly pain to shut me out and in that, having to accept and allow myself to create and manifest pain within and as my human physical body to have a legitimate excuse that would be accepted by society and therefor, I won't be judge for taking a time off from my responsibilities.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged for not standing within and as my day to day living responsibilities and within that, had defined 'time off' as indulgent, pleasure, entertainment as something that is invalid, that I cannot have as it is not part of my responsibilities and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself as my human physical body through having creating and manifesting a monthly pain to be utilize as an excuse to rest, indulge and entertain myself in bed while others will keep up with my responsibilities.
I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to include Indulgent and pleasure moments in my day to day living responsibility because I've defined it as a waste of precious time that can be utilized in moving forwards towards a world that is best for all, not seeing, realizing and understanding that within that definition, what I was really doing is trying to impose myself as the righteousness character, and in that, be more than others that are "not as devoted as me". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define Indulgent as wrong/bad within the starting point of a desire for my own self interest requirement for external sources to validate, appreciate and approve me as MORE instead of changing my starting point to and as a principle of that which is best for all where - who I am is not defined by what I do but rather, walking breath by breath as who I am within everything that I do. And thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and abuse my human physical body through creating a monthly pain, to maintain my righteousness character without imposing my own self judgement on me as I've utilized the pain as an excuse to excuse myself from my responsibilities without having to waste time on entertainment and indulgent through justifying that I cannot work anyway when having extensive pain.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed memories of seeing women being excused from their responsibilities when having menstruation pain and through accepting the memory to be imprinted into my flesh, I've accepted and allowed the memory to be the stepping stone in creating and manifesting a monthly pain that I would utilize when and as I see I require some rest from my responsibilities as an excuse instead of moving and directing myself in self honesty and when/as a rest is required, to simply rest as physical support.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself when having menstruation pain so that other could relate and have sympathy towards me, to validate my need to take a rest instead of assessing in self honesty, when my human physical body require a rest and simply walk with my body and support my body, without having to abuse it by creating Energy as Pain and self pity to validate the Body requirement for a rest.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to assess what are my responsibilities for a specific day and be frustrated when there is an activity that I would prefer not participating with, and in doing so, simultaneously, look for any physical pain that I could utilize to excuse myself from the activity. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to consider abusing my human physical body through creating pain just so that I won't have to participate in certain activities and in that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to the principle of what is best for all and in that, do what ever is necessarily to be done to support myself and the people in my environment in sharing equal responsibilities.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to develop likes and dislikes towards my responsibilities and accordingly, assign to each one of them a specific value instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what ever my responsibilities are, it is not about the responsibilities but who I am within my responsibilities and having a preference as likes and dislikes indicate that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to an Energetic experience in self interest in oppose to move and direct myself, breath by breath and do what ever is required to be done in my utmost ability, in self honesty.
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