The Layers of our Minds - Day 178

This is a continuation to:

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge- Day 175

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Forgiveness - Day 176

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Commitments - Day 177

 

So, I'm continuing investigating the dimensions within the relationship of Headache and Menstruation that I've created within and as myself throughout my life and through walking the dimensions/layers within it, I've realized a fascinating point that I would like to share about today.

 

Also, for more context, I suggest listening to:

Reptilians - Thought and Thinking - a Deliberate Creation of Control - Part 105

Reptilians - Thinking as Mind vs. Direct Seeing with the Physical - Part 106

 

When working with Pain that was created through an accumulation of memories, thoughts, ideas, opinions etc. that were accepted and allowed within one's life, one would see the various dimensions/layers of the mind that slowly but surely starts to reveal themselves once a layer was removed in self honesty.

 

Within that context, I was looking at the differences between Meditation and quieting the mind and Stopping the mind as an act of self movement/direction, in self honesty.

What I've realized yesterday for myself was why and how when silencing the mind through meditation, it's nothing but creating another dimension, a silent dimension within one's mind with no actual and practical change but rather, suppressing the thought/pattern/personality/character and creating a new one and that is in comparison to stopping the mind as an act of self directiveness/movement that one is practically and physically taking responsibility for.

 

When I was practicing Spirituality and within that, practicing Meditation to silent my mind, I never investigated the nature of the thoughts, the consequences of suppressing the thought but simply ignored them as if they never existed however, within that, never seen, realized and understood the physical manifestation of the thoughts in and as the human physical body and how through suppressing the thought by ignoring it, we do not in fact removing/deleting the thought from the flesh of the body and therefor, there is no physical and practical change within oneself and one's living application but rather, one would create and manifest another character that would be so powerful in terms of suppressing other characters that self had accepted and allowed self to create and participate within and as oneself and one's world.

 

Stopping the mind, as a practical, physical self directive principle, is a total different story.

For a moment I was confused within and as myself regarding - what is the difference between deleting a thought and suppressing a thought through Meditation. For me, the outcome seems to be the same - in both cases, the thought is gone. What I haven't considered within this question, as mentioning previously is the physical aspect as well as self responsibility within and as the act of removing/deleting a thought vs. suppressing a thought in meditation.

 

The point that I was specifically looking at was - how can I make sure that I have actually deleted the thought and I'm not fucking with myself again, as I've done as a spiritual. How can I make sure that I in fact stopped the thought and not just ignore/suppress it. the answer that I've found within and as myself was very simplistic - if the thought comes back again, I haven't in fact deleted it and what I've actually done was creating another dimension and manifested a time loop that would take me to the same place where I've initially wasn't honest with myself when stopping the thought. Also - a practical consideration is to - not accept and allow self to simply delete the thought, create a character of: I'm so good, I deleted the thought yopi hey hey hey and rather, take a moment and write the point out, see whether something was missed and whether one is in fact clear and stable within one self.

 

So, Deleting a thought or removing a memory through Self Forgiveness doesn't end there. All we have done was removing ONE layer, ONE dimension and ONE thought so that we could assist and support ourselves in seeing the next layer/dimension/thought so that we can walk through the next layer/dimension/thought and so on.

While in meditation, let's say that I've ignored the thought. Cool, for a moment the thought isn't there. What now? A time loop. Why?? Because I could have stand up and take responsibility for myself in investigating the nature of the thought and the core point of my acceptance and allowance of its existence and within that, walking through the layers of the mind and clear the entire network that is interconnected with this one thought. 

 

And so, in terms of practicality - once removing one thought, we can either take a moment and investigate the next layer/dimension or if in our day to day living responsibility we don't have this moment of self investigating, we can simply wait until the next layer would reveal itself within the realization that we cannot avoid it, it will appear/reveal itself in some way or another and in that realization, we are honest with ourselves within the starting point of: ok, I've seen one layer, there are much more that I've not yet seen, I'm making the commitment that when and as the moment is here and the next layer/dimension would reveal itself, I will stand up, take responsibility and sort it out. And so, we do not create another dimension of: "I walked and am now done with the point" but instead, being humble with and as ourselves, walking one step at a time, one breath at a time, and how long it will take is irrelevant as we trust ourselves to clear ourselves in every single breath, trough consistent application that is trustworthy, exactly as Breath is consistent and trustworthy.

 

So, back to the Menstruation and Pain - another dimension/layer/though/memory had reveal itself through the emergence of headache which "forced" me to have a look again what memory I haven't yet looked at within the relationship of headache and Menstruation.

Want to know what it was?? Stay tuned till tomorrow.

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Commitments - Day 177

 

 

This is a continuation to:

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge- Day 175

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Forgiveness - Day 176

 

I commit myself to Disconnect the Attachment/association/definitions that I've manifested within and as my mind regarding the relationship between headache and Menstruation as I see, realize and understand that accepting and allowing the associations/definition/association/connection between headache and Menstruation is to accept and allow the abuse and sabotage of myself through literally manifesting pain through the belief that pain and Menstruation comes together. Thus, When and as I see a thought in a nature of the relationship between pain and menstruation, I stop, I breathe, I DETLET the thoughts as I now see, realize and understand why and how I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought in separation of me which is no longer acceptable.

 

I commit myself to walk my Responsibilities within breath by breath living application as and within the principle of what is best for all and within that, to not accept and allow myself to excuse myself from my responsibilities through creating pain within and as me and to assess within self honesty when and how much rest my body is required to function in its utmost potential.

 

I commit myself to include in my  weekly schedule moments for self indulgent and to unconditionally be OK with taking these moments for myself without feeling guilty about it because, I see, realize and understand that I've previously took these moments but within guilt, I manifest pain so that I could justify the moment of indulgent through the excuse that my body is in pain and require a rest.

 

I commit myself to further investigate the Righteousness Character within and as me through a process of writing, self forgiveness and practical self change through standing in alignment with my commitments that I'm putting forth to myself.

I commit myself to Delete all Memories regarding Women with Menstruation pain as I'm now seeing, realizing and understanding that I've used these memory to manipulate and abuse my human physical body through utilizing these memories as an excuse to excuse myself from my day to day living responsibility for one day in a month. In this, Note - what I'm saying here is that some women are in fact having serious Menstruation pain once a month and that is their process to walk but it is not the case with me so it is not that all women are like me, utilize the pain as an excuse so please, do not make a judgement upon Menstruation pain through reading this blog.

 

I commit myself to STOP manipulating others through the experience of having to feel sorry for myself within the desire of them validating me as the pain and excusing me from my responsibilities. In this, I commit myself to investigate and explore where else in my life I've utilize the 'Feel sorry for me' character in alignment of my own self interest Desires for a specific experiences.

 

I commit myself to delete the values I've assigned to my day to day living responsibilities and to then thus, walk what ever is required to be done, breath by breath at my utmost potential, capability and ability, in self honesty.

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge - Self Forgiveness - Day 176

This is a continuation to:

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge- Day 175

 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to connect/attach/define/associate Menstruation with Headache, not seeing, realize and understanding that within that connection/attachment/definition/association, I've accepted and allowed the belief that Headache must manifest once a month and within that not seeing, realizing and understanding that it was always me, the one who gave myself the permission to create and manifest the pain, in separation of me and therefor, experience the pain once a month.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire for an excuse to release myself from my day to day Living Responsibilities within having a monthly pain to shut me out and in that, having to accept and allow myself to create and manifest pain within and as my human physical body to have a legitimate excuse that would be accepted by society and therefor, I won't be judge for taking a time off from my responsibilities.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged for not standing within and as my day to day living responsibilities and within that, had defined 'time off' as indulgent, pleasure, entertainment as something that is invalid, that I cannot have as it is not part of my responsibilities and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself as my human physical body through having creating and manifesting a monthly pain to be utilize as an excuse to rest, indulge and entertain myself in bed while others will keep up with my responsibilities.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to include Indulgent and pleasure moments in my day to day living responsibility because I've defined it as a waste of precious time that can be utilized in moving forwards towards a world that is best for all, not seeing, realizing and understanding that within that definition, what I was really doing is trying to impose myself as the righteousness character, and in that, be more than others that are "not as devoted as me". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define Indulgent as wrong/bad within the starting point of a desire for my own self interest requirement for external sources to validate, appreciate and approve me as MORE instead of changing my starting point to and as a principle of that which is best for all where - who I am is not defined by what I do but rather, walking breath by breath as who I am within everything that I do. And thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and abuse my human physical body through creating a monthly pain, to maintain my righteousness character without imposing my own self judgement on me as I've utilized the pain as an excuse to excuse myself from my responsibilities without having to waste time on entertainment and indulgent through justifying that I cannot work anyway when having extensive pain.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed memories of seeing women being excused from their responsibilities when having menstruation pain and through accepting the memory to be imprinted into my flesh, I've accepted and allowed the memory to be the stepping stone in creating and manifesting a monthly pain that I would utilize when and as I see I require some rest from my responsibilities as an excuse instead of moving and directing myself in self honesty and when/as a rest is required, to simply rest as  physical support.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself when having menstruation pain so that other could relate and have sympathy towards me, to validate my need to take a rest instead of assessing in self honesty, when my human physical body require a rest and simply walk with my body and support my body, without having to abuse it by creating Energy as Pain and self pity to validate the Body requirement for a rest.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to assess what are my responsibilities for a specific day and be frustrated when there is an activity that I would prefer not participating with, and in doing so, simultaneously, look for any physical pain that I could utilize to excuse myself from the activity. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to consider abusing my human physical body through creating pain just so that I won't have to participate in certain activities and in that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to the principle of what is best for all and in that, do what ever is necessarily to be done to support myself and the people in my environment in sharing equal responsibilities.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to develop likes and dislikes towards my responsibilities and accordingly, assign to each one of them a specific value instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what ever my responsibilities are, it is not about the responsibilities but who I am within my responsibilities and having a preference as likes and dislikes indicate that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to an Energetic experience in self interest in oppose to move and direct myself, breath by breath and do what ever is required to be done in my utmost ability, in self honesty.

Menstruation Pains as an Excuse to Indulge- Day 175

 

 

A few days ago, a point opened up when I experienced a slight headache. It was a familiar pain that I came to live with, once a month, just before I get a period. Usually, when I'm not taking care of it, it manifests to a Migraine that shuts me down for the rest of the day. Care of it meaning - taking a pill once it becomes unbearable.

 

When I'm looking at the pain that was here a few days ago and the pain that was here a month ago - there is one thing in common - on both days I was taking a time off from my day to day responsibilities. As I go along, you'd see why this point is relevant and in fact, the source point of the pain.

 

So back to a few days ago - when the pain was still bearable, and I had already made the connection between the pain and the menstruation as an actual, real and true fact within and as my mind, I asked a friend for a support through pushing a specific point in my hand as it is usually assist with reducing the pain and with breathing through the pain that is busy emerging in the hand, I see a dimension that is related to the pain and am able to work with it.

 

When we started to investigate the source of the point, I've seen that the pain started when she was asking me what date it was and my back chat was: "oh, I must get period soon". In that moment, without my awareness, I've accepted and allowed the thought and the pain that comes with getting a period that I've accepted and allowed within and as me. So I deleted the connection between getting a period and having pain and continued with my investigation regarding the source/core of creating the idea in the first place, between pain and getting period.

 

My friend move her hands and push on my upper right eye which open up a new point within and as myself. What I've seen was memories of women that are being excused from specific responsibilities when having period pain. When I looked within myself, I saw, that creating a pain, once a month, enough to shut me down for a few hours was deliberately created because I'm not a sick person, I usually don't get sick and thus, I always have to maintain my responsibilities. When I moved through this point, the pain was gone.

 

What I've NOT seen, realized and understood was how, through taking a time off by creating pain, I'm deliberately abusing myself and my human physical body, instead of giving myself a time off without a need to make an excuse for why it is ok for me to take a moment off.

 

In this, it is not surprising that the 2 times I had headache where times where I "took" a moment off from my responsibilities however, I wasn't stable nor clear within my decision to take the time off because I believed that taking a time off is wrong when there are so many other things that I could do to support myself and others.

 

Here, I would refer myself and you to a point that I've been writing about a while back and now, when another dimension opened up, I would get into more specificity in my Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment application: Inner dullness light up in Energy - Day 68.

 

What was not yet seen, understood and realized within and as myself is that who I am is not defined within what I do or don't do but rather, who I am within what I do will determine who I really am as a breath by breath living application.