Nov 30, 2012 | By: A Woman

Holding onto a Grudge - Day 230

This a continuation to:

From Evilness to Life - Day 226

The seclusion in Inclusion - Day 227

Seeing the Evil Nature in Dreams - Day 229


Kris Lewis - Trophy HuntSo, the dream that I shared yesterday opened up a point within the Evil context that one wouldn't usually consider within and as oneself, in one's relationships to other human beings in one's world - How we Keep and Store Past Memory Events where we felt Betrayed and/or hurt by our Friend/Sibling/Parents/Partner/Co-worker, which then, we would utilize the Past Memory Negative Experience, the moment we feel threatened, to justify to ourselves why it is ok to behave and treat the other with Spite and/or Distrust.


What we haven't realized is - so long as we accept and allow ourselves to keep and store Past Negative Memories as an Experience, our Relationships with other human being wouldn't stand the test of time. Sure, one can continue to suppress the Negative Experience towards the other being but slowly but surely, the Experience would accumulate till a moment where everything would burst out where one would make the decision - Face the point and sort the relationship out regardless of the outcome or to suppress the point again, make fake peace and continue the relationship as it was, till the next outbreak. 


What I've seen within and as myself was that the relationship never get to a point of 'Peace' again because there is a constant movement within and as me, when being around the beings that I've associated them with a Negative Past Experience and within this, I would always expect the worse case scenario of them hurting or betraying me again  and accordingly, would never accept and allow myself to trust them. Interestingly enough, I never looked at the point of self trust within that context and why it is that I would always engage into relationships within the expectation of getting hurt and within that, the fears that I carry from the past that would drive me to participate in the same patterns, manifesting the same consequences, over and over again.


As I'm writing, I see that this point is a multi-dimensional point that would require further investigation and introspection. Unfortunately, I won't be able to go into it today, in physical space time consideration within the level of specificity that I would like to walk, . So, I will continue with myself for a moment and will share tomorrow the points that I've seen, realized and understood within and as myself so stay tuned.



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