The Chameleon Character in my Movie as my Life - Day 97

A few days ago, within the Earth's Journey to Life blogs, the Chameleon Character was explained which opened up many points within and as myself.

While reading the blog and discussing the point with other being in my environment, I've seen, realized and understood HOW I am the Chameleon Character within and as the Movie that I've created as my life.

I saw pictures as memories of the moments that I've changed my colours/characters to protect myself, to protect the view that others have about me and within that, willing to diminish and compromise myself so that I won't dare to question and challenge my environment because I FEARed to be outcaste, I feared being a disappointment to others, I feared being angry at, I feared ending up alone and behind that all - feared conflicts that may emerge when and as I stand as who I am, without all the characters that I've carried with and as me, the characters that I was defined as by myself and others.

What is fascinating that within the Chameleon Character that I have become, I've lost myself, lost self expression as who I am in every given moment because who I am in every given moment is conditioned to my environment and how I see to be the best to act/play to maintain a perceived stability, harmony and peace even though within and as me, I KNEW that I'm playing, I knew that I'm the one who decide to act and yet, I've accepted and allowed myself to keep the play within my Movie because I feared facing the consequences that may lead to frictions/fights with my environment.

Wherein now, to stop the Chameleon Character, is quite a time line to walk as I've layered all my characters and suppressed some of the characters, hide them from myself so that I could automated my play where I am no longer 'thinking' of how to act/play, I'm already on auto pilot - a walking organic robot that act/play according to a specific script that I've written for myself throughout my life as stored memories that I can automatically choose from in any given moment and accordingly play the role I see to be the best.

However, I see, realize and understand my own creation of my Chameleon Character, I see, realize and understand that it was always my decision to make and as the decision making of the Movie I choose to play, I have a say as no one is pulling a gun onto my head and force me to continue the script that I've written for myself. I am the one who Decide. And I'm the one who Decide to STOP, to get back to myself, as who I am as LIFE that is here, in every moment of every breath and it is me who Decide to assist and support myself to take out all the layers/dimension of my mind, and walk myself into purity wherein memories are no longer my directive principle and it is me, as what is best for all, direct, move and express myself, Here, as Life.

Within the blogs to come,  I will take a part the various derivative of the Chameleon Character to be able to stop the automated script within specific scenarios, to clear and delete the associated/connected memories to assist and support myself to face the physical reality as WHO I AM, as breath, as Life, to Physically correct myself and Prove to myself that I've changed in fact.

The Family Charade in Character - Day 80

This is a continuation to my previous blog:

My Life as a character - Overview - Day 79

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see the separation that we have created within the family character wherein, there are specific roles that each participant is playing according to one's created character that one as accepted and allowed self to be defined as and accordingly, separate oneself as character from oneself as LIFE and the others as a whole.

Part 1: The Mother/Daughter Character - Overview

The Daughter Character:

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I've created myself as a character of and as the 'Daughter' and within that, also created the parents as characters that will assist and support the Daughter character to remain in character.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that who I am cannot be defined by characters and thus, the daughter character cannot be real.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that for me to be someone's daughter, I must have created that relationship in character, in agreement with all the other characters to remain in character and within that, I've not seen, realized and understood the limitation that exists within and as characters wherein one is tie to one's character and cannot express and experience oneself as who one is but only as the character that one has created for oneself, in separation of oneself.

The Mother Character:

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create myself within and as the character of the Mother according to how I've observer my mother's character, the character mothers in the Movies, my characters' friends mother as so on and accordingly, created myself as the character that I would like to be in this life, not seeing, realizing and understanding that the character that I would like to be was also a character that I've defined according to my memories and experiences and that the fact of the matter is, the decision to be and become the specific mother character that I've created as myself, wasn't a free, informative and clear decision of who I am but was born from the circumstances of my life as the sum up of all the characters that allowed me to create myself as the character and within that, I haven't even considered that I've created the other characters so that I could remain in character.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create and design myself as the mother character because I believed that the mother character is who I am and I haven't realized that for me to remain in character of the mother, I must create in agreement other character that will provide me with the continuation of me as the mother character which than raise the question, what was my starting point in having children? To create myself in character or to actually bring a life that is best for all into this world?

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how limited the mother character is in fact where I'm not fully walking in absolute the physical expression of a mother in this world where I take care of all children in this world equally but rather, separated myself within and as my own little bubble which I've defined as the family character, taking care of only those who can keep me in character so that I won't have to step out of my character and walk my responsibility as LIFE to take care of all parts of LIFE equal and one.

For context, also read:

Day 79: Stepping out of Character - Bernard Poolman

Day 79: Kill the Buddha - He's Just a Character, Part 3- Lindsay Craver

Day 79. I'm Nothing But a Character - Malin Gunilla

Day 22 - Me as the Main Character within the Cinema of my Mind - Rozelle de Lange

Day 44: The Character game - Esteni De Wet