What is Spiritual Love to me? - Part 3 - Day 158

This is a continuation to:

Part 1 - My First Love.

Part 2 - What is Love to me?

 

So I'm continuing with What is Love to me and I almost got to this point in time where I have found Desteni. However, there is another phase I must walk to see how I've defined Love, Who I am as Love, Why I am as Love and What is Love to me.

I started of with walking through my first Love and the consequences of this Divinity experience  that I had imprinted into me from a childhood years through the fairy tales stories and movies. Then, I walked through how I've blinded myself to such an extent that I couldn’t see the signs that where all over the place until everything had to fall, went into depression and finally, found what Love is to me, which I'll get to after I'll cover the missing piece - the Spiritual LOVE.

 

So… What is Love to me from the Spiritual eyes? One big cosmos joke? No really.. I didn't see that as a scheme right away. I had to walk a process of complete mind fuck regarding LOVE as a spiritual person.

As a spiritual person, seeking for enlightenment, seeking for inner peace and seeking for Self love so that the divine love that I had initially fantasied about could maybe manifest within and as my world.

 

I was sure that I had to do nothing but meditate and wait to my ONE according to all the channelling, Astrologists, Psychics that I've met and paid lots of money for. I was sure that he is coming and when he didn't I've altered that love to another form of promising love - I wanted a child. A baby boy that would love me and cherish me and you know.. When I get old, would care for me and save me from my elderly misery. So you see, I've changed the component that I wanted to have from my prospect partner and imposed it the a prospect child.

 

I was talking to this prospect baby, I even saw him (lololol). I prepared myself to him, I gave up the idea of a partner in this picture because my biologic clock was ticking from a reason that was unknown to me.

Lol the biologic clock - that would be another character to walk.

 

I practice Universal Love, Cosmos Love, Love and Light, sending vibration of Love towards the world and through my love to the world, everything will be fine, but only for those who have practice the same. For the rest - they are walking their Karma, they are punishing themselves for what they have done in their past lives. Obviously, I haven't seen that the LOVE that I defined myself within and as was nothing but a delusional phase that was all based on my own self interest and I haven't seen that the spiritual Love, the one that is based on Good and Positive Energy vibration had nothing to do with the physical process of actually bring Love into a physical manifestation where I walk the process of making sure that all would have a dignified life and no one would ever have to suffer in this world as a whole. For my Spiritual Expose blogs - please visit Here

 

Love for me, as a spiritual person was none existent in fact because the depression would not go away. When I was all alone, at home, the depression was very much there. So what have I done? I brought home a Dog and completely spiritualized her - I made her my LOVE, my baby, my partner, my prince charming.. She was everything to me. I've seen the other day that my relationship with my dog, which is no longer in my custody as I had to leave her to a family to take care of her when I moved to the farm, is not yet clear and I will walk in blogs to come the debunking of this point as I see how I'm still very much emotional regarding her presence or lack of presence in my world and my environment. 

 

Than, what was Love to me? Well, I never knew - for me, everything remain the same.. I didn't love myself more, I didn't love anyone else more, except my dog and the prospect child that I saw in my visions. Obviously, I didn't dare speaking it out loud because as a spiritual being.. I must obey to my porpuse, I had to suffer so that I could birth myself.. I was all love and light in my external presentation and was all Dark and Hate in my internal presentation, so Dark that I couldn't see it. If anything, Love was contained with confusion and I only got myself further away from Love as I couldn't stop the depression, no matter how much I had tried to keep myself busy with Love and Light.

I remember now that the patterns had never changed and my choice of man in my spiritual phase was the same as before - no self respect but only now, I have abused the idea about spiritual Love to fit in with my childhood desire for the divine Love.

Lol I tried, I really did, to experience this fantasy Love through meditation and spiritual gathering with other beings.. Nothing worked - when I met guys that I could in fact build an establish an effective relationship with, I made the same mistakes, over and over again. I feared being in a relationship so much that I never let anyone getting close to me, I didn't let anyone to invade my private inner me so that I would NEVER again would get close enough to the experience of being rejected by the man that I Loved. I couldn't allow myself to get intimate with another human being because I feared that my world would collapse again if the relationship will not last. The gap between what I desired and what I feared was huge and I couldn't balance that point and so, preferred being alone, despite of my fears of ending up alone because it was safer for me.. The chance of having this disappointment again was dominant, unconsciously, I could not bare it.

 

So, it seems that I would have ended up alone, with depression if I would have not find Desteni. It is not that I have a partner now that after finding Desteni but I do not require one to fulfil me, to take care of me, to fulfil my childhood desires, to support with my happiness, to touch my face and tell me he loves me. It is not that I wouldn't walk an agreement with anyone, I would if it's here, supportive and aligned with where I am in my process. But one thing is definitive - I am here, assisting and supporting myself, no more depression, no more compromising myself, no more self abuse within relationship.. No.

 

Spiritual Love was an alternation of my childhood fantasies into words that are acceptable within the Spiritual regime. When I'm bringing the moment here, there is nothing there. Love was so undefined as a spiritual person, Love was an Empty word with no context to back it up. I guess that what assisted me to see and hear the Desteni message. In self honesty, already in the spiritual phase, Love was so suppressed within and as me, like a dark wall that I had no intention of breaking through.

 

What is Love to me now than? Will uncover, redefine and reveal in my next blogs where I'll be walking the SF regarding to the question - What is Love to me.

 

 

Artwork by Scott Cook