Failure of Relationships – Day 15

For additional context please visit my Blog - My relationship with Sex - Day 13+14

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the time loop that I was existing within and as which always led me to the same inevitable point of the failure of the relationships with males and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to take the responsibility and investigate the patterns that kept playing out because I resisted facing the point of relationships and sex and within that, I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and abuse myself further through the deliberate acceptance of cycling the same pattern over and over again.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my responsibility within the failure of my relationships with males throughout my life but only assume that I know the reason why even though the physical consequences revealed to me that I had no clue. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to follow my Ego through the assumption that I’m seeing the point and thus, accepted and allowed myself to compromise, sabotage and abuse myself by ignoring the real core/source point and repeating playing out the same pattern that always lead to the same consequences of the failure of my relationships with males.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that before attempting/trying to walk and agreement/relationship with another, I first have an agreement with myself where I commit to assist and support myself self honestly within my process of stepping out from my own mind and stepping in to the Physical Equality and Oneness reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the failure of my agreement/relationships were inevitable because I have not yet establish an agreement with myself as well as haven’t yet aligned myself to myself; and thus, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into agreement before having the basic foundation for myself because I believed that I require to be in agreement to effectively walk my process however, what I’ve missed was the separation as well as limitation within the belief that one can assist and support me in places that I’m not yet assisting and supporting myself. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone can assist and support me without me having to walk the physical correction, without realizing that I’m the only one who is responsible to change and correct myself within a dedicated process of self transformation to a being that is Physically Living in the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the real reason for why I’ve sabotaged my first relationship with my first boyfriend wherein I ended the relationship just before we were about to have sex for the first time because I believed my upbringing which determine that I’m too young to have sex but because I didn’t want to face the shame of standing up to my parents’ upbringing, I decided to end the relationship and wait for the time where it be allowed.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to communicate with my partner about my fears and doubts with relation to having sex and instead, came up with excuses and justification of why we need to break up. Within that, I see and realize that when I’m not communicating points that I’m seeing within myself with my partner, I’m not giving myself the chance to face my fears and the patterns that I lived as thus far and I’m taking from myself the opportunity to change by ignoring and supressing the real issue that I’m dealing with.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my relationship with my partner by remaining quiet and not expressing that which I’m experiencing because i wanted to keep my Ego intact as well as keep on suppressing and hiding to not face myself and actually change.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself fear being intimate with my first partner and because he was very expressive with how he felt about me and was very intimate in his expression when we were together, I made up excuses and justification for why we should break up so that I could hide and run away from being intimate with him as well as facing myself as self intimate.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable with how my partner expressed his feelings towards me because that was new expression to me and I never seen such open love and communication at home before.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to end the relationship with my first boyfriend because this was a new experience for me which I didn’t have the tools to handle and understand because I wasn’t prepared for such expressive and intimate relationship with another human being and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world system where the children are not being prepared for an agreement/relationship with another human beings and instead of directing and supporting them, we infused and impulse ideas as that do not support Life and also, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to be and become an effective human being that may assist and support by example for the young generation because I’ve not taken the responsibility to face my past as equal and one as me, stand up from within it and change myself according to principle that are best for all lives.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the pattern of fearing being intimate with my partner because I’ve attached, define and connected intimacy to sex only and thus, when and as I sense that my partner is pushing for developing and establishing intimate communication with me, i experience resistance and ending up the relationship instead of facing and walking through the resistance that I’ve created within my mind so that I could for the first time LIVE in this physical reality instead of continuously existing in my mind.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the fear of intimacy that I’ve created in my childhood years and thus, only went for superficial relationship where I won’t have to push myself to become intimate with myself as well as with my partner.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through the belief that I’m being intimate with my partner because we are having intimate sex however, I haven’t realized that being intimate with myself or another isn’t define through/by sex.

I commit myself to become intimate with myself and walk through the resistance of getting to know myself in my entirety. I commit myself to develop intimacy with myself and stand as example within agreement where we’ll be and become intimate with each other wherein intimacy isn’t defined by sex but as the actual expression of the word Intimacy – In to me I see.

I commit myself to change myself and stand as an example for the children to come, to support and direct them within having an effective agreement with themselves.

I commit myself to walk through every relationship that I have ever had to see the core/source point/pattern that led to the failure of the relationship so that I could sort myself out, establish intimacy with myself and allow myself to be vulnerable, self expressive and open within myself, to myself.