Nov 28, 2015 | By: A Woman

Do you have the right to judge another - Day 531

Not too long ago, I wrote a blog post about 'Gossiping' A piece of gossip - Day 528 where I redefined 'Gossiping' as speaking or thinking about someone while not daring speaking the same words in front of that person. Since then, I've been looking deeper at the design of gossiping and I found a few interesting things that I would like to share here today.

Have you ever noticed how much gossiping is actually going on in your mind? How much judgement and blame it projected towards people in your direct and indirect environment? It can be the smallest judgement as "look at what they wear, I will never wear this" to: "I can't believe they behaved this way. I will never do it" to: "What's wrong with her/him, they completely ignored me today, this is rude" and so one and so forth.

Now, is it not that one of our greatest concerns is being judged by others. There is constant part of us thinking what other people may be thinking about us. Why is that? Why would we be afraid and concern about what other people says about us in their mind? Is it not because of us knowing that we are doing the exact same thing, judging the person standing/speaking in front of us, in our mind, allowing the inner gossip to continue at the same time we are concerned about being judged by another. lol

So on its purest form, we are concern or afraid being judged by others, because we know what we accept and allow as judgement, to exists inside of ourselves and because we know how nasty that judgement can be, we are concern about the potential nastiness coming through in another's mind, this time, towards us. Isn't it?
How about an experiment - stop participate in judgement and see if you afraid of being judged. How to support yourself to stop participating in judgement towards others?

In a discussion that I had with a friend the other day, hearing them judging their employees, I asked them to stop for a moment so that we can discern the situation on a deeper level. I then asked them a question: Can you self-honestly and unconditionally place yourself in their shoes, within their mind, within the consideration of who they are, where they came from, their cultural design, their education, their life experiences and so on.. Can you then, as them, participate in judgement? Or can you now suggest solutions?

This is such a powerful tool because for the first time, you actually understand that you have no right to judge another, before you are able to unconditionally and absolutely place yourself in their shoes and provide/suggest solutions to the problems that you became aware of. Unless you can do that, unless you can step out of your own judgemental mind and place yourself in another's shoes, you have no right to judge.

I have placed a few red flags for myself lately, and that is standing as a great support in my process of stopping any and all gossiping both internally and externally. The flags are:
1. Can you say the same thing directly to the person?
2. Can you turn the point back to yourself and see that you are doing the exact same thing you judge another in doing?
3. Can you place yourself in their shoes, absolutely and unconditionally?
4. Can you stand as your and theirs support structure?

You will find that by asking these questions, you will already be one step closer to your stability. Because you have taken the responsibility to question yourself, and what you accepted and allowed yourself to participate with in your mind. Moving to the solution would be your next step.. Solution as in - how to best support myself and another in the discussed situation? That would be something that may come more naturally once you stand in their other's shoes, without any judgement.

Let's continue exploring these points and see what comes up.. You are more than welcome to leave your comments


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