Dec 30, 2014 | By: A Woman

The relationship between Hope and Depression - Mind Reality Vs. Physical reality - Day 500

The relationship between Hope and Depression - Mind Reality Vs. Physical reality - Day 500

Within my investigation of the design of Depression and it's relationship to Hope, I have found two primary dimensions inside of myself - 

  1. The belief that certain self-expressions that came out of me during the relationship can only be expressed within the same relationship structure.
  2. Not wanting to face physical reality, self-responsibilities and self-honesty within the realization that primarily, the relationship was always on a mind level and not really on a physical level.

So what does it mean Mind Reality Vs. Physical Reality and what is its relationship to depression and hope?
The mind reality within the concept of relationship is when everything seems to be so good, it is the honeymoon phase where positive energy is the relationship's directive principle and this positive energy is sustain because everything feels so happy and good all of the time. It is when one believe that they found that which they were looking for and the partner they are walking with fits entirely with the profile of what one had wanted for oneself. It is when self-honesty doesn't yet existent and both are presenting only the parts of themselves that would attract the other partner, the good parts that will make the other partner want to be with them. It is the phase where one, for a moment, can let go of one's physical reality's responsibilities and indulge in an experience of 'falling in love', not really conceptualize that we are actually falling, falling into the deep realm of the mind and energy instead of creating a relationship that is based on real physical support and worth where the two are expanding and growing themselves with the support of the other.

During this phase, where the positive energy is very much in the front of the relationship, the partners start to project  all these ideas and thoughts and future plans onto each other, and the relationship is primarily build on a mind level fueled with a lot of positive energy that the partners keep generating with one another.

At some stage, the energy starts to fade away and the physical reality kicks in where one or both partners starting to question the relationship and really look practically at the relationship and the future of the relationship.

With me and the relationship that I was walking with another many years ago, I was stuck for a long time on the mind reality of the relationship while my partner started to come down to the physical reality, looking at what we have created and whether we could practically walk this life together in terms of where him and I was at. Practically, we were coming from two different worlds where he had ambitions that he wanted to follow through with and I were at a stage in my life where I did not see anything but us being together all of the time. So while I believed that we are absolutely synchronize within what we want to create for ourselves as a mind relationship, he was already starting to look at the practicality of things which was misaligned with the future plans that we have created while on Positive energy during the honeymoon phase. The problem here obviously was that he didn't know how to communicate these points with me so I was completely in the dark as to where he was at - his physical application and what he was looking at inside of him where not equal and one meaning - he continued participating with me on a mind level while being in conflict with himself and I had no idea that he was looking at all of these things until it was already too late.

When I started coming down of the mind reality and looked at what is it that I wanted for myself and what is it that I will accept and allow and what will I not, I stood up when I saw misalignment with him making a decision that I saw as disrespectful and inconsiderate towards me. Though, while he was in the physical reality for quite some time and I only started coming back, in the first moment I showed dissatisfaction from where we were at, he used this window of opportunity to give up on the relationship and end it, justifying that I need and deserve more than what he was able to give me. Though, I wasn't yet completely in the physical reality and was not ready to give up on the mind reality and therefore, couldn't accept the end of the relationship as within me, for the most part, everything between us was still super awesome except of this one small misalignment that we need to look at and walk solutions.

So in being primarily in the mind relationship reality, I was consistently bouncing back to everything that was good with the relationship, holding on to these memories and moments within the positive energy, believing that that was real, that it was the potential of the relationship that I still wanted to live and experience. While the mind reality no longer met the physical reality as we were already not walking a relationship together, I still believed the mind reality more which is where the 'hope' dimension came in, trying to get ourselves back to the mind reality relationship where I used to feel happy and satisfied. I couldn't understand why the mind reality isn't manifesting in the physical reality and within that, couldn't let go of the mind reality that I was busy creating for months. Meaning, in my mind reality, the relationship that we walked was real, the future projection that we planned for ourselves was real, the life that we planned to create for ourselves was real and within that, the hope that everything will go back to where it was, was very much real.
I couldn't understand what happened and why we were no longer together because I experienced all these feelings that I believed to be real and mutual, not understanding that all of that just happened in our minds which is why I couldn't let go of the hope that one day, somehow, we will be together again.

Within that process of hope, I went into a vicious cycle that lasted for years where in the mind I believed that the relationship was real and was hoping for a second chance and every time the physical reality didn't meet with the mind reality, I went into depression and as I was in depression, the mind reality kicked in again as hope, that led to depression and so on.

What did I learn about myself over the years of walking process - the honeymoon phase consists of many layers of programming on all levels of the mind and if I am not aware of the programming that are involved, I will follow through the preprogram design and fall into the energy that it consists of. I made the same mistake again recently where I went into the mind reality too fast too soon but this time, I was aware of what I was doing but consciously choosing to indulge in this energy that I haven't experienced for years. Though, what I haven't done to support myself was to ground myself while walking through these preprograming designs to ensure that I remain here, stable, consistent in my living application as who I am, what I stand for and what is it that I self honestly want to create for myself. Within that, I lost ground with myself and the physical reality instead of preparing myself to when the partner is coming down of his mind reality which is when we can actually start walking a relationship together that is based on real physical and practical principles.

So when the partner came down of his mind reality, I wasn't ready and prepared and I tried to keep for just one more moment the mind reality. Then, when I finally was willing to face the physical reality and take responsibility for the mind reality that I was busy creating, the partner wasn't in alignment with where I was at in wanting to start over and walk the relationship properly which was when I saw myself going into the hope dimension all over again.

Only that this time, it was unacceptable for me as I knew where this hope will take me and I understood what this hope design was all about. Within that I could see in self honesty that in essence, we actually didn't walked a relationship with one another, we walked a mind relationship with ourselves, superimposing the relationship onto another and thus, we could not really start over as there was no real and solid foundation to move from.

This doesn't take the fact that every so often, the mind comes up and bring the hope dimension based on the mind reality memories and experiences that we shared for a moment - this is where self-honesty is my directive principle where I support myself to ground myself in the physical reality, seeing things for what it really is and stop immediately my participation with hope.

It is important to not judge oneself when 'hope' comes up as feelings, emotions or thoughts - understand that while being in the mind reality, a lot of energy was used and for the energy to absolutely stop, it will take some physical moments for me to completely stop participation until the energy fades away. I am actually grateful for the experiences even though it is not easy ones to walk as there are a lot of programming that are coming out for me to face. Though - I learned a lot about my own programming and how to support and ground myself to be able to create effective relationships with myself primarily and with another as well.

So if you are willing to learn from my mistakes, when you meet someone, make sure you are still grounded inside yourself and in touch with the physical reality. It is ok to allow yourself to experience the initial phase of the honeymoon though you must be aware of that which you are participating with and prepare yourself and your partner to when the honeymoon phase is over and the real relationship creation and development starts when both partners come down of the mind reality, back into the physical reality.

In the next blog, I will be focusing on self expression and the belief that certain self expressions can only be expressed with a specific partner and how this belief is actually the attempt of the hope energy to continue existing in the mind reality.

David Smith Artwork 'Woman reflecting focus', 2013. Acrylic Painting. Glamor.


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