The relationship
between Hope and Depression - Mind Reality Vs. Physical reality - Day 500
For context, please
read my previous blog - The
relationship between Hope and Depression (introduction) - Day 499
Within my
investigation of the design of Depression and it's relationship to Hope, I have
found two primary dimensions inside of myself -
- The belief that certain self-expressions that came out of me during the relationship can only be expressed within the same relationship structure.
- Not wanting to face physical reality, self-responsibilities and self-honesty within the realization that primarily, the relationship was always on a mind level and not really on a physical level.
So what does it mean
Mind Reality Vs. Physical Reality and what is its relationship to depression
and hope?
The mind reality
within the concept of relationship is when everything seems to be so good, it
is the honeymoon phase where positive energy is the relationship's directive
principle and this positive energy is sustain because everything feels so happy
and good all of the time. It is when one believe that they found that which
they were looking for and the partner they are walking with fits entirely with
the profile of what one had wanted for oneself. It is when self-honesty doesn't
yet existent and both are presenting only the parts of themselves that would
attract the other partner, the good parts that will make the other partner want
to be with them. It is the phase where one, for a moment, can let go of one's
physical reality's responsibilities and indulge in an experience of 'falling in
love', not really conceptualize that we are actually falling, falling into the
deep realm of the mind and energy instead of creating a relationship that is
based on real physical support and worth where the two are expanding and
growing themselves with the support of the other.
During this phase,
where the positive energy is very much in the front of the relationship, the
partners start to project all these
ideas and thoughts and future plans onto each other, and the relationship is
primarily build on a mind level fueled with a lot of positive energy that the
partners keep generating with one another.
At some stage, the
energy starts to fade away and the physical reality kicks in where one or both
partners starting to question the relationship and really look practically at
the relationship and the future of the relationship.
With me and the
relationship that I was walking with another many years ago, I was stuck for a
long time on the mind reality of the relationship while my partner started to
come down to the physical reality, looking at what we have created and whether
we could practically walk this life together in terms of where him and I was
at. Practically, we were coming from two different worlds where he had
ambitions that he wanted to follow through with and I were at a stage in my
life where I did not see anything but us being together all of the time. So
while I believed that we are absolutely synchronize within what we want to
create for ourselves as a mind relationship, he was already starting to look at
the practicality of things which was misaligned with the future plans that we
have created while on Positive energy during the honeymoon phase. The problem
here obviously was that he didn't know how to communicate these points with me
so I was completely in the dark as to where he was at - his physical application
and what he was looking at inside of him where not equal and one meaning - he
continued participating with me on a mind level while being in conflict with
himself and I had no idea that he was looking at all of these things until it
was already too late.
When I started
coming down of the mind reality and looked at what is it that I wanted for
myself and what is it that I will accept and allow and what will I not, I stood
up when I saw misalignment with him making a decision that I saw as
disrespectful and inconsiderate towards me. Though, while he was in the
physical reality for quite some time and I only started coming back, in the
first moment I showed dissatisfaction from where we were at, he used this
window of opportunity to give up on the relationship and end it, justifying
that I need and deserve more than what he was able to give me. Though, I wasn't
yet completely in the physical reality and was not ready to give up on the mind
reality and therefore, couldn't accept the end of the relationship as within
me, for the most part, everything between us was still super awesome except of
this one small misalignment that we need to look at and walk solutions.
So in being
primarily in the mind relationship reality, I was consistently bouncing back to
everything that was good with the relationship, holding on to these memories
and moments within the positive energy, believing that that was real, that it
was the potential of the relationship that I still wanted to live and
experience. While the mind reality no longer met the physical reality as we
were already not walking a relationship together, I still believed the mind
reality more which is where the 'hope' dimension came in, trying to get
ourselves back to the mind reality relationship where I used to feel happy and
satisfied. I couldn't understand why the mind reality isn't manifesting in the
physical reality and within that, couldn't let go of the mind reality that I
was busy creating for months. Meaning, in my mind reality, the relationship
that we walked was real, the future projection that we planned for ourselves
was real, the life that we planned to create for ourselves was real and within
that, the hope that everything will go back to where it was, was very much
real.
I couldn't
understand what happened and why we were no longer together because I
experienced all these feelings that I believed to be real and mutual, not
understanding that all of that just happened in our minds which is why I
couldn't let go of the hope that one day, somehow, we will be together again.
Within that process
of hope, I went into a vicious cycle that lasted for years where in the mind I
believed that the relationship was real and was hoping for a second chance and
every time the physical reality didn't meet with the mind reality, I went into
depression and as I was in depression, the mind reality kicked in again as
hope, that led to depression and so on.
What did I learn
about myself over the years of walking process - the honeymoon phase consists
of many layers of programming on all levels of the mind and if I am not aware
of the programming that are involved, I will follow through the preprogram
design and fall into the energy that it consists of. I made the same mistake
again recently where I went into the mind reality too fast too soon but this
time, I was aware of what I was doing but consciously choosing to indulge in
this energy that I haven't experienced for years. Though, what I haven't done
to support myself was to ground myself while walking through these
preprograming designs to ensure that I remain here, stable, consistent in my
living application as who I am, what I stand for and what is it that I self
honestly want to create for myself. Within that, I lost ground with myself and
the physical reality instead of preparing myself to when the partner is coming
down of his mind reality which is when we can actually start walking a
relationship together that is based on real physical and practical principles.
So when the partner
came down of his mind reality, I wasn't ready and prepared and I tried to keep
for just one more moment the mind reality. Then, when I finally was willing to
face the physical reality and take responsibility for the mind reality that I
was busy creating, the partner wasn't in alignment with where I was at in
wanting to start over and walk the relationship properly which was when I saw
myself going into the hope dimension all over again.
Only that this time,
it was unacceptable for me as I knew where this hope will take me and I
understood what this hope design was all about. Within that I could see in self
honesty that in essence, we actually didn't walked a relationship with one
another, we walked a mind relationship with ourselves, superimposing the
relationship onto another and thus, we could not really start over as there was
no real and solid foundation to move from.
This doesn't take
the fact that every so often, the mind comes up and bring the hope dimension
based on the mind reality memories and experiences that we shared for a moment
- this is where self-honesty is my directive principle where I support myself
to ground myself in the physical reality, seeing things for what it really is
and stop immediately my participation with hope.
It is important to
not judge oneself when 'hope' comes up as feelings, emotions or thoughts -
understand that while being in the mind reality, a lot of energy was used and
for the energy to absolutely stop, it will take some physical moments for me to
completely stop participation until the energy fades away. I am actually
grateful for the experiences even though it is not easy ones to walk as there
are a lot of programming that are coming out for me to face. Though - I learned
a lot about my own programming and how to support and ground myself to be able
to create effective relationships with myself primarily and with another as
well.
So if you are
willing to learn from my mistakes, when you meet someone, make sure you are
still grounded inside yourself and in touch with the physical reality. It is ok
to allow yourself to experience the initial phase of the honeymoon though you
must be aware of that which you are participating with and prepare yourself and
your partner to when the honeymoon phase is over and the real relationship
creation and development starts when both partners come down of the mind
reality, back into the physical reality.
In the next blog, I
will be focusing on self expression and the belief that certain self
expressions can only be expressed with a specific partner and how this belief
is actually the attempt of the hope energy to continue existing in the mind
reality.
---
David Smith Artwork 'Woman reflecting focus', 2013. Acrylic Painting. Glamor.
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