That moment when you hear people talking about you (Part 1) - Day 538

"Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."

Don Miguel Ruiz

How many of you experienced a moment when you overheard people talking about you? How did it make you feel? What did you do about it? How did this moment changed your relationship with these people once you knew the truth of what they think about you? Where you able to overcome that moment and trust these people again? Here is my story:

I remember that day when my innocence flew out of the window. It was when I overheard my best friend talking shit about me with her father and it broke my heart. It wasn't even serious stuff, she didn't say anything nasty about me meaning, it wasn't what she said, it was the way that she said and what was the undercurrent of how she said it if that make sense.

I did not know from where it all came from and with being so overwhelmed, I went home and haven't spoken with her for months. Not until our parents intervene and "forced" the relationship back and I just agreed because I wanted to please everyone. Though, inside myself, I knew, I cannot trust this person and I've been secretly waiting for the day our path would split apart without having to hurt her, the family and other friends that were involved.

For years later, I went away from anyone who I perceived to betray my trust. If they used something that I said against me; if they went behind my back and caused frictions between me and other people; if they kept on going to other people to talk about me instead of coming to me; If any of that happened, I had no interest in continue developing my relationship with them.

Later, when I started my personal development process , I realized that these 'gossiping' moments are coming from the mind of people and it doesn't define who they really are underneath the layers of the mind. Same way, it doesn't define me. Yet, the experience of being betrayed kept on coming up inside of me which showed I haven't reached a point of self-forgiveness and self-honesty.

I continued working with these points and as I was walking through the layers of my mind, I found a protection mechanism I've programmed myself back in childhood: to protect myself from people that may hurt me or break my trust. Obviously, this again showed I haven't reached a point of self-forgiveness nor self-honesty. And so, self-introspection continued.

Will continue in my next blog.  

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Art: Anna Baklane | Saatchi Art

Behavior Modification - Day 74

For context - Please listen to the interview:

Life Review - My Life of Behaviour Modification

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself as a child, to react in absolute self judgement and fear of what others will say about me, when a person in my environment said to me that I'm acting like a show-off and thus should immediately stop expressing myself in dancing because according to the being eye's view, by dancing=show-off,  I'm hurting other people in my environment by making them feel inferior/less than me.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to check within and as myself, in self honesty, my starting point of my expression in that moment to be able to assess whether there was a want/desire within me to present myself as more than or whether this statement was a self reaction within the being who made the statement. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react in self judgement to this statement because I didn't understand how the mind works and how to assist and support me within that moment, to assess in self honesty the entire play out/time line and thus, I've imprinted in that moment, a single dimension of the entire play out, as a point I could connect myself to because I knew within me that I have tried/attempted to, in various situations pre this event to be more than this person that I'm supposedly hurting within my expression.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT investigate within and as myself the starting point of the being's statement to see if the statement was as a point of a support for me to look at a specific point within who I am in my environment of whether it was a self judgement point of the being who made the statement that I shouldn't take personally but instead, assist and support the being to see what the being has accepted and allowed themselves to be and become.

Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to capture that memory in a time capsule within and as myself and allowed this past memory imprint to influence who I am, as self expression, from that moment onwards where I became self conscious about my expression and accordingly, made the decision to suppress my expression and modify myself according to the Society eyes view.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take one statement spoken by a being and make it bigger than what is was to the extreme of this statement becoming my directive principle in my life instead of me, walking and directing me, as who I am as self expression, in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I have shaped, mould and manifested myself within and as specific type/s of personality to keep me 'stable' within my environment within this world system and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT realized that these personalities that I've created  within the first 7 years of my life was to modify and adapt myself to the Norms of my environment as well as the values and mannerism that my society/culture/religion/environment stand within and as, in absolute separation from myself as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider and question what abnormal behaviour even means within this world system and why the system defined specific behaviours as abnormal. Was it to keep us controlled? What is the reason for keeping beings controlled? What is it that the system doesn't want us to know?

All of these question can be answered within and as oneself, in self honesty and a bit of common sense - just follow the money route and you'll see the answer. Otherwise, suggest investing some time to investigate http://equalmoney.org/wiki

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself, as a parent in this world, to make the commitment of getting to know myself as the mind, getting to know my child as the mind, so that I could stand in absolute support for my children wherein instead of forcing them to create personalities according to the example that I stand within and as, as what I've passed on to them from generation to generation in total separation, I will stand and educate my children to express who they are as Life that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to grasp my responsibility within my child's behaviour development and how I am a direct influence within their behaviour development and unless I get to know myself as the mind, align myself back to myself as a physical living human being, I will not and cannot stand as an absolute support for my children within and as the principle of oneness and equality and thus, I commit myself to get to know myself as my mind, as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become in separation of myself and accordingly change, BEFORE I even consider bringing a child into this world because I see, realize and understand how and why I am the most influential being in my child's life and it's up to me to first take responsibility for myself before I can take responsibility for another. Within that, I commit myself to show that this is not a point of judgement towards those who already have children because within every moment of every breath, one is able to make the commitment to themselves to change according to principles they are willing to stand as for eternity and within that, take responsibility for themselves and their child within self trust that they have supported their child in the utmost of their ability in this ONE life time.

I commit myself to not force and impose my opinions/ideas/beliefs onto another by making even the smallest statement as I see, realize and understand how I can influence and effect another human life when and as I'm not clear within and as myself and especially, when I'm standing as a point of support and responsibility towards the being.

I commit myself to always investigate and check within and as myself a being's statement that was addressed to me so that I can asses in self honesty whether it is a point that I require to look at and correct or whether I stand in clarity and support the being to see the point that they have missed within themselves.

I commit myself to go through my past memories, and delete them one by one until I'm empty so that my expression, who I am, will no longer be dependent on my past as limitation that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself.

I commit myself to show that society's norms are but another form of control and enslavement of the humans into a closed circuit system that they can never get out of so long as they are contained within their mind, according to their preprogram design.

I commit myself to show the parents influence of the child development within the first 7 years of their life  and why it is crucial for the parents to take the responsibility to get to know themselves as the mind, to be able to support their child to develop themselves as LIFE that is best for all.

I commit myself to show the relationship between society regulation of the humans within the definition of what is normal and abnormal and MONEY.

Manifested Belief as a Crime against Humanity - Day 69

For context, listen to the interview - How Energy and Money benefit from our Physical-Separation?

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take for granted the hate towards my fellow neighbours within the belief that I must defend my country against them and thus, fight for my right to exists in my country and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question the belief and investigate the history of man to see the real nature of the belief of hate and why it was created and accordingly, stand up for myself and educate my people as well as the world with regards to the nature of such beliefs that serve only those with Money, disregarding the LIVES that are being destroyed daily in wars that only fatten the bellies of those in power.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to pass the hate I feel towards my neighbours to my children and thus, being responsible for continuing war and essentially allowing crime against humanity, because I haven't taken a moment, within my responsibility, to investigate the nature of the beliefs that we have against each other and to see, that it was all started with rumours and gossips that was supported by the Elite of this world who benefit from crime and war.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take for granted the hatred feelings that I feel towards my neighbours because that was the cultural belief I was grew up with and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to question my feelings and have simply accepted them to be valid through the cultural acceptance which I've defined myself according to and as.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exists within and as constant war between humans, which I've defined as normal because I believed that I must protect myself against human nature, against those who wants to harm me and I have failed to see, realize and understand the brainwashing that was involved with imprinting those beliefs within humans; the brainwashing that was involved with the creation of the evil human nature that we must protect ourselves against. And thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to - instead of standing up and prove to myself that a change is possible, as within, so without and accordingly, stand as an example in this world because I start seeing, realizing and understanding the variables that were and are involved in this current world manifestation as a whole as well as us the individuals and thus, through a process of self education, I commit myself to show, expose and reveal, in great details how we have become what and who we have become and accordingly, present a solution for internal and external change in this world.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences of me raising my children within separation from themselves and their neighbours; that the consequences that manifested is a world that is based on abuse, suffering, crime against humanity, atrocity and not at all a world that I would actually want my children to born into; and thus, I take my responsibility to educate and raise the children of this world within and as Equality and Oneness so that instead of them participating and continuing the separation gap between human beings, they will instead be the glue that stick together all of humanity as a whole within and as a world that is best for all wherein the principle that would direct LIFE will be LIFE unlike Money that determine the lives of us all. For context - please listen to the song: Money or God by Matti Freeman.

 

I commit myself to go back in time and do proper research and investigation, with regards to the origin of hatred towards our fellow human beings and within that, track the path of money to see in more depth and clarity the relationship between the inherent belief of hate and money and how we have created the world we live in today.

I commit myself to show, expose and reveal the origin/source/reason for war/crime against humanity and the relationship between it to the elite of this world and obviously, Money.

I commit myself to assist with the development of educational programs for children and parents, for those who are willing and who dare to see our responsibility in the creation of this world and thus, one by one, we will stand up, educate the next generation to come to slowly but surely manifest a world that is literally, practically and physically best for all.

I commit myself to show, explain and expose the nature of the hatred that we have against each other that is based on inherited beliefs that were passed on from generation to generation and within that show who and what is benefiting from the imprinted beliefs throughout time.