Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 2) - Day 461

In my previous blog, I started to investigate the difference between Emotional attachment and Physical Connection as I saw a reaction within myself towards one of the dogs that was sick. Thus, for context, please read through the previous blog as this series also show a practical example for how to assist and support oneself in investigating points within oneself through a process of writing.

(Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 1) - Day 460)

 

 

 

 

 

I ended off with looking at 2 dimensions that might explain my reaction towards Gracie being sick:

1. Gracie's Nature is extremely similar to my dog that I left behind when I moved to the farm. I was extremely attached to my dog, Yalda, and it took me months to release the emotional connection that I formed within myself however, the characteristics that Yalda has, are very similar to Gracie's so forming a relationship connection with Gracie was very natural.
2. How Gracie in particular and the pack in general stand as stable point in my life whereas, they are always here when I wake up, they are always here when I go to sleep, they are always here when I come home... And within that, I never feel alone. 

 

However, within myself, I "knew" that it was not THE dimension that I was working with in relation to Gracie because when I looked again at these points above, and checked within myself, I realized that it cannot be it because I have already walked these points and tested myself in the physical reality.

For context - For 2 whole years, I didn't allow myself to see Yalda, my dog, when I went to visit my home town; I felt that if I would, I would confuse both her and I due to the nature of our relationship that we had before I gave her a way, where we were both extremely dependent on each other's presence. I wanted to make sure that none of us would experience the traumatic experience of separating from each other again, and I considered that as long as I carry the emotional attachment within me, she would pick it up and access the experience herself because, from the feedback that I received from her adopting family, she was quite depressed when in the first few weeks after I gave her away.

 

Once I was stable within myself in relation to my relationship with Yalda and I  ensured that I walked through all the dimensions, I tested my application in the physical reality. I dared myself after 2 years to go and assess who I am in relation to Yalda when/as I see her in the physical reality - I went to visit Yalda in one of my home trips - it was an absolute pleasure seeing and playing with her again. I found that the emotional attachment was no longer there, it was pure expression of both Yalda and I enjoying each other and when it was time to leave again, nothing inside me moved. Obviously, here one must understand that in no way it means that I no longer care about Yalda - all it means is that the relationship with Yalda is not emotional relationship but rather a physical connection that we share with each other. I obviously went to test myself for the second time when I visit my home town 6 months after and again, when we met each other, it was enjoyable as if time didn't play a rule in our physical relationship that still very much existent.

 

Thus, for me it means that the first dimension that I was looking at in the context of Gracie and Yalda is not THE point - my relationship with Gracie has nothing to do with Yalda per say.

 

The other dimension where the pack is standing as a stability point in my life - again, it is not THE dimension that I am working with here because I left them so many times and I was stable within myself and thus, I came to the conclusion that feeling of "I'm never alone" is a mind trick that I used to suppress the real issue that I haven't seen yet. (This, I will expand on my next blog)

 

So, I set down again and continued investigating the reaction within myself. I was asking myself - what do animals give me that I am not yet accepting and allowing to give to myself? Meaning, what is the specific emotional attachment that I form with some animals as a way to fulfil something inside me that I feel lacking of.

 

The primary point that I'm looking at is the relationship or the difference, to be more specific, between emotional attachment and intimate physical connection with another being, say a human or an animal.

The point with Yalda shows very clearly that by removing the emotional attachment, a physical connection is emerging and if anything the relationship is much more real so from that perspective, I have decided to investigate my relationship to each and every being I have form an emotional attachment to, find what is the specific point that I perceived them to give me which I am not giving to myself and accordingly, I could transform the emotional relationship to a physical connection that stand the end of times.

 

By now, it is obvious to me that I have not yet got deep enough into this point within myself as these points keep on coming up recently which you can also read in the blog: "Over Sensitive".

 

Will continue sharing - stay tuned.