Sex in the Dark – Sexual Inadequacy–Part 1 - Day 125

This is a continuation to:

Sexual Inadequacy - Overview - Day 124

 

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize the reaction I am experiencing when and as someone sees me naked wherein, from the day I was born, I've been wearing clothes on my body, covering my body and through this, creating the perception that only clothes on the body is validated and naked is extremely wrong. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize how I've been programming myself to believe that I must wear clothes all the time so that no one would ever sees my naked body and this imprint that I've installed within me, has influence my sexuality as being uncomfortable with my naked human physical body either with myself or with my partner.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the extent of programming that I've inserted within and as myself wherein, if I'm taking a shower or changing clothes and someone mistakably enter the room, I would immediate react and cover myself so that no one would ever see me naked.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to associate a naked body with SHYness and accordingly, I made sure that no one will see me fully naked and in this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate the nature of SHYness within and as me in relation to being naked because according to society/culture norms and codes, being naked is something that is not acceptable and one must feel ashamed and shy when one is naked around other human beings.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only time sex is allowed and validated is when it's dark and accordingly, I've made the connection that sex can only be done when the lights are off.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react with backchat when and as I'm having sex, just before we start the act, to always make sure that when I'll be naked, the lights are off so my partner would not be able to see me or to be more specific, my naked human physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize how and why I've become so separated from myself as my human physical body, to the extent of which I feel uncomfortable being naked with my partner, not to mention, with myself.

 

 

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to SEE the extent of the brainwashing within the Adam, Eve and the Snake story which I was taught in a very young age and I haven't realize the snake represent the MIND, as the knowledge and information we give value to, and only through the mind, we formulate all kinds and types of ideas/beliefs/opinions that limit our physical expression as we then start experiencing and living our lives from/as the MIND, in absolute separation from WHO we are as a living physical human beings. In this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to give value to the Adam, Eve and the Snake story as my morality that will dictate me to cover my human physical body with clothes because otherwise, it's immoral, wrong and forbidden.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to SEE, realize and understand that my need of having sex in the Dark isn't Normal, despite of 60% or more of the people in this world preferring having sex in the dark and in this, I forgive myself that I've validated my preference of having sex in the dark through justifying it within myself as normal, and everyone are having sex in dark, Not seeing, realizing and understanding the extent of the separation I'm accepting and allowing within and as myself, to not only hide myself and my human physical body but to also lie to myself through justifications and excuses so that I won't have to investigate WHY and HOW I've accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of my human physical body and accordingly change, be intimate with myself as well as my partner.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between my need to have sex in the dark and my perception of myself as my human physical body wherein, I've created ideas and opinions about how I look in comparison to a picture I've stored in my mind as how I should look and so long as the picture in my mind doesn't match to my human physical body appearance, I would judge and do what ever it takes to hide my naked physical human body and accordingly, develop the "preference" to have sex in the dark.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to develop my sexual position preference according to how my body looks like and due to the extent of self judgement with regards to my human physical body appearance, I've limited my sexuality and my exploration of who I am within my sexuality according to how my body would look like instead of what I, as my body, physically prefer, regardless how my body looks like in various positions.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to be intimate with myself and accordingly, with my partner because I've limited my sexuality within the ideas and judgements I hold onto my human physical body appearance and accordingly, haven't accepted and allowed myself to explore, investigate and enjoy a physical expression within and as sex.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that we are NOT living in a Photoshop world where everyone looks so perfect and shaped as what I see on the magazines and TV and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that only if I would look perfect according to my eye's view, I could allow myself to explore my sexuality with my partner and be open with my sexuality as I could exposed my naked perfectly shaped physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe and think while having sex with my partner, that he would judge my human physical body and accordingly, would decide to leave me and find someone else to be with, someone who looks better than me and thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit my sexual expression to a limited types of positions that would ensure my human physical body would still look sexy so that my partner wouldn't be frustrated that he is stuck with me while being able to be with other perfectly shaped women.

 

 

For more context, please read -

Sexual Expression – Overview  Day 112

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness Part 1 - Day 113

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Commitments - Part 1 - Day 114

 

Investigating Sexual Expression - Part 2 - Day 121

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness - Part 2 - Day 122

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Commitments - Part 2 - Day 123

 

Spilling semen in vain - Day 115

Spilling semen in vain - Self Forgiveness -  Day 116

Spilling semen in vain - Self Commitments -  Day 117

 

Be Fruitful and Multiply - Day 118

Be Fruitful and Multiply - Self Forgiveness - Day 119

Be Fruitful and Multiply - Self Commitments - Day 120

Process of self perfection - overview - Day 70

 

For Context, Read - "The 8 Stages of Process" by Bernard Poolman - Interviews from the Desteni Farms.

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, understand and LIVE self Patient within a breath by breath Living expression because I've believed that everything must and required to be experience and/or done NOW and if it's not happening NOW, something isn't right. Within that, what I've failed to realize was that Self Perfection is a breath by breath process of accumulation within the physical space/time reality; a process of self dedication, devotion and will to assist and support oneself to for once and for all, perfect oneself as a human being through facing one's acceptance and allowances, correct oneself and practically change which through that, one will step out of one's mind and build, program and design oneself as the a Physical living human being in every moment of every breath.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that self perfection is a process of accumulation which takes time; it took us years to program ourselves in the nature of that which we have become; it will take us years to de-program and Re-program ourselves within and as Equality and Oneness as self expression of who we are as Life that is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider that self perfection is an absolute breath by breath self application as a physical living expression, where one is directing oneself in one's practical and active participation in this world within a clear decision and principle which one stand by, no matter what.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to embrace the physical fact that self perfection isn't happening over night; just like that; over night;  but rather a self will, in absolute dedication within and as a clear decision that one has made for oneself wherein, one is walking as principle, in every moment of every breath, within a process of self forgiveness in self honesty, a process of stopping pattern by pattern until one becomes Nothing; which only from Nothingness, one is able to start applying Equality in self perfection through a real understanding of creation and how, within the limited space/time reality one can perfect oneself as equal to and one as existence as a whole.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted ad allowed myself to embrace myself as well as being humble within and as myself and thus walk my process patiently, breath by breath, stopping pattern by pattern, within the realization that self Perfection is a process of accumulation of breath by breath corrections within one's application wherein one see, realize and understand one's programming and thus, take the responsibility to deprogram and re-create oneself (reprogram) within and as principles of Equality and Oneness as that which is best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to push myself to perfection without understanding self perfection and I haven't realize that within that, my starting point wasn't absolutely clear as an expression of who I am, but rather a part of a personalities that I've created for myself within the desire of self validation and the validation of others.

 

I commit myself to walk in patient my process of self perfection and absolute self will, dedication and devotion.

 

I commit myself to get myself back to nothingness within my Journey to become LIFE as my day to day commitment of assisting and supporting myself to see, realize and understand who I have become as a programmed set of patterns that I've defined myself as, to deprogram myself through Self Forgiveness in self honesty and to Reprogram myself within Equality and Oneness From Nothingness to LIFE.

 

I commit myself to perfection within Oneness and Equality through a process of stopping my self as the mind that I've defined myself as and to create myself as LIFE that is best for all.

 

I commit myself to embrace and acknowledge myself as who I have become and within that, stop self judgement when and as a I face a point within and as myself and thus, I stand in humbleness towards myself and others as myself. I realize that self perfection is a process that I walk breath by breath and it cannot be forced but can be directed by me as a principle of what I stand for and as.