A piece of gossip - Day 528

Most people define gossip as a conversation that is based on judgment of someone who is not presence.

There are many reasons as to why people gossip but primarily it is because of:

1. Projecting superiority - some people feel that by saying negative things about others, they feel or seen as superior by those who the gossiping is discussed with.
2. Jealousy - people may gossip about those they compare themselves with out of jealousy towards them. This gives them a temporary feeling of being 'more than'.
3. Getting attention - some people get to be the center of attention temporarily while exposing a piece of information about others.
4. Spite, anger - people may deliberately gossip about other people when they feel hurt or betrayed by another.

5. Boredom - In situations where people are lacking knowledge or personal experience that could support a discussion with another, they move to gossip to draw some attention.

But interestingly enough, what most of us do not consider is that gossiping in primarily done… wait for it… in our HEADS!

In our minds, in our little space where no one can listen, we allow ourselves to gossip, and gossip and gossip and.. How many times do we actually stop the train of gossip and ask ourselves - "but where are these thoughts are coming from? Why am I carrying this negative talk about others in my heads?"

So regardless if we gossip externally or internally, we most likely to participate in gossip on a daily basis. One thing is certain - as long as we carry judgement towards ourselves or others, we can be sure we are accepting and allowing gossiping to be a part of our reality. We can be sure that we are not standing as a point of direction and support towards ourselves or others.

There are many resources that explain the design of gossip so I am not going into it. Instead, this blog will focus on

how to support yourself to identify gossip and how to become aware in real time moment to stop participating with gossip.

Identifying gossip:

My rule of thumb is answering the questions: "Will I say the same things that I am saying now or thinking now, if the person I am speaking/thinking about was presence?"

If I can't stand by my words or thoughts and share my thoughts/words with the person the internal/external conversation is about then, ladies and gentlemen, we are dealing with the design of gossip and not with a principle of self-honesty and the support of one another.

From here, you must take the point into self-introspection: it is obvious that you are reacting to the other person in one way or another - identify the type of reaction you are carrying and direct yourself towards a solution. For more support with that, please visit DIP Lite - Life Skills & Self-Mastery Online Courses.

Changing a pattern in real time moment support

For more context, please also read: Day 567: Authority and Consequence – Part 1.

Becoming aware in real time moment that you are participating in a specific design is a bit tricky because usually by the time you become aware of this, it's almost "too late" in the sense of you are already in it.. Within the context of gossiping, by the time you are aware of your participation with gossip, you are already in the heart of gossip discussion.

What I find supporting me with becoming aware of gossiping is by working with my own mind - slowing down and observing the thoughts that contain the nature of gossip. This allows me to see the type of reaction that I carry, the nature of the emotion and from there I can stop my participation with the gossip type thoughts and direct myself towards the solution, starting with self-forgiveness.

Within that, I am able to support myself to stop my participation in real time moment when I find myself participating in a gossip based conversation as well as supporting others when they are participating in gossip. Obviously - this take practice, patience and the ability to forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes and commit to change this destructive pattern but the more you practice a skill, the better you become.

Essentially, I use the rule of thumb here as well, when I become aware that there is a potential for a conversation to go into the direction of gossip, I stop and ask myself "Will I say the same things that I am saying now or thinking now, if the person I am speaking/thinking about was presence?". Then I know whether I stand in relation to the one who is being gossiped.

So to answer the questions How to become aware in real time moment that you are participating with gossiping? I would say it is a matter of getting to know your mind and introspecting the design of gossip so that you are able to identify when and why you have or still are participating with gossip. Then, walk through a process of self-forgiveness - forgive yourself for accepting and allowing the design of gossip to be a part of who you are, take responsibility and authority for this design so that you are able to make the decision to stop your participation. Now that you made it your goal to change in real time moment - you already placing awareness as a red flag inside of you to alert you when gossiping is happening. So you practice this point until you change and no longer directed by gossiping but rather by principles that would support yourself and everyone else, to the best of your ability.For more support, please invest time in DIP Lite - Life Skills & Self-Mastery Online Courses.