A Woman's Journey to Life: Sexual Journey - Early Adulthood years

This is a continuation to:

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how and why I've started to suppress my sexuality when I had a relationship with my first boyfriend wherein, I feared having sex with him because I feared my parents reactions and accordingly, have decided to break up, within the excuses that this relationship is boring and started my sexual journey with men that I can be with without my parents knowledge through continuing lying to them about where I am.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to break up with my first partner because I feared having sex with him as I assumed my parents would know about it and therefor, decided to break up with him and find other adventure that I can have without anyone know about it.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to stop abusing myself with the men that I dated for a sexual experience as I've had sex from a starting point of breaking the rules and do what I'm not allowed to, instead of focusing on establishing a supportive relationship where sex is used for a physical support.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I've made the connection between relationship and sex and because I wasn't allowed to have sex at this stage, I've define this relationship as boring because being in a relationship without sex is boring according to my eye's view at that point.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself with my sexuality through hiding and not having direct and effective communication about it with my parents and therefor, every time I had sex, I believed I'm bad, doing something wrong and within that, limited my sexual expression as I was busy in my mind, never considering sex as support for myself as my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to assume that my parents will react to me having sex and therefor, I've decided to not share and communicate that point of sex with my parents because I felt ashamed and guilty and those feelings/emotions had emerged every time I had sex and therefor, I haven't allowed myself to fully commit to sex in terms of being Here, within me as my physical body but rather spent time in my mind, assessing what would I say to my parents later on, when I come home.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear communicating sex and relationship with my parents because I defined them as "old fashion" and accordingly, I have accepted and allowed myself to try and figure out what is sex by myself, with no guideness, always fearing that my parents would find out and I'll have to communicate with them, in reaction.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relationship between the fear of my parents' reactions about me having sex that I've created within and as myself and my sexual experiences.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to form and design my sexuality based on fear of my parents that I've created within and as myself, without ever communicate the point with them and within that, never seen, realize and understand the consequences that I would manifest through this unreal fear.

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that my motivation as a young adult to have sex is because it wasn't allowed and forbidden and within my attempts to break the roles of my society and to push through my limits, I went and had sex with someone I haven't yet establish a supportive communication within a stable relationship and thus, the day after, I broke up with him due to massive amount of shame and guilt because if I would to continue my relationship with him, I had to tell my parents and I feared their reactions

Also, I suggest listening to:

What is Sex - Who am I as Sex - Part 30

What is Sex - Why am I as Sex - Part 31

For more context, please read -

Sexual Expression – Overview Day 112

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness Part 1 - Day 113

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Commitments - Part 1 - Day 114

Investigating Sexual Expression - Part 2 - Day 121

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness - Part 2 - Day 122

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Commitments - Part 2 - Day 123

Spilling semen in vain - Day 115

Spilling semen in vain - Self Forgiveness - Day 116