They are Better than me, I'm so fucked up - Day 95

This is a continuation to the Blog post:

The Self Diminishment Character - Day 94

 

Within this Blog, I will Walk the Process of Self Forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how and why I've created myself within and as the Self Diminishment Character as a data base for multiple Characters that I can choose from that will suit me the best in every given moment to serve One purpose only - My own Self Interest within and as a desire for an experience, either Positive or Negative.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I've created the Diminishment character within and as myself through an idea that I've created in my mind of who and what I should be in any given moment and as long as the picture/idea in my mind doesn't match the physical reality, I will not be satisfied with myself and within that, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my own dissatisfaction from myself is through comparing myself to the idea/picture in my mind through projecting the idea/picture onto other people in my environment wherein through those people, I will activate the Cycle where I access self diminishment through first becoming Jealousy, then spiteful in finding fault in them, move to elevate myself for a moment until I go back to comparison, self diminishment, jealousy, spitefulness and the cycle continue. Thus, I commit myself to when and as I see myself accessing the comparison towards another human being, to sustain the idea/picture I hold within myself in my mind, to STOP, Breathe, and to not accept and allow myself to follow the back chat, move through the character, delete the idea/picture that I have about myself in my mind and Stand Here, as who I am, as Life that is here.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself see and realize how I've manifested the Diminishment character wherein I will first create and idea as picture in my mind of who and what I should become and who and what I see myself within my world and my environment; when a being in my environment challenge my perception of myself as the idea/picture in my mind, I immediately access comparison and competition with that person, not seeing, realizing and understanding that this being is standing as a mirror of my own comparison toward myself to the idea/picture I have about myself in my mind. and thus, because I haven't realized that I'm comparing myself to myself and I believe that it is all about the other person, I access jealousy; when and as I'm in this LOW and NEGATIVE energy charge, I will seek for ways to balance that emotions and elevate myself through finding faults within and as the other human being based on past memories that I hold onto them for that exact moment where I could use the memory against them, to create a positive feeling. But than, as I push myself to find the fault, there is a voice within and as me that remind me that I have failed an thus a failure, how wrong and unworthy I am and so - I go back to the Negative emotional charge but of course, I will not allow myself to stay there and I'll keep on looking for faults in the other being so that I can access the positive energetic charge again until… the experience of "I'm so bad, I'm unworthy, they are better than me" is in complete possession and I've absolute integrated with and as the diminishment character.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that for the Self Diminishment Character to Exists, the Comparison and Competition Character must Exist and I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I've been missing a critical point all along - Instead of comparing and competing with other beings in my world and my reality, I'm able to expand and grow myself through Learning from other people within the understanding that in order to develop the skills that those whom I compare myself with has, I require to walk a time Line in space/time physical reality. Within that, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create my self existence within and as the Diminishment Character and within that, enslaved and trapped myself within and as a infinite cycle where I will never see, realize and understand Who I am and my utmost potential as a Physical Living Human Being as I was busy comparing myself to others, not giving myself the possibility to in fact expand and grow myself through others that are standing as an example of who I am able to be and become within and as the principle of Oneness and Equality.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that so long as I give myself the permission to diminish myself within and as my mind and within that, not accepting and allowing myself to grow and expand myself as a Physical Living Human being, I will remain trapped within and as my own mind not ever be able to step out of my mind as I'll be busy judging myself and be hard on myself and never in fact change.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize the cycle of Self Sabotage that I've created within and as the Self Diminishment Character wherein, instead of standing within and as a principle of Oneness and Equality and learn from the people in my environment, that have proven that change is possible through a decision that that they have made to assist and support themselves to step out of their character and become LIFE that is best for all, I had allowed myself to compare myself to them within the attempt to WIN my validation, gratification and glorification without ever realizing that I can Never be more than who I am, I can never be More than who others are and that within and as this game/movie that we have created within and as a decision that we have made very long time ago to trap ourselves for eternity to and as our mind, the only solution is to wake us all up, stand together in Equality and Oneness and change who and what we have become according to ONE principle - that which is best for all within which, we'll stand up together and change our creation to and as LIFE that is Equally best for all.