A Woman's Journey to Life: My Partner is Boring - Let's breakup

While walking the entire Sex/Masturbation/relationships Networks/Systems within and as myself, more and more points open up within me, as I'm now ready to look at all that which I've deliberately tried to avoid/suppress/ignore.

And so, I was looking at my past relationships - who was I within the relationships, Who was my partner to me within our relationships, Why did the relationship ended, what were the patterns that repeated over and over again throughout my successful and unsuccessful relationships, Why have I decided to not give a chance to specific males and why have I chased after specifics males.

2 weeks ago, I had a dream where my first boyfriend, which I was his Love of his life, didn't remember me due to something that happened and he lost his past memories. The dream revealed to me 2 points that I must write and investigate -

1. Fear of Loss

2. the Pattern of - This relationship is boring - Let's break up.

Within this blog, I would start with the second point as it is HERE from the perspective, I see clearly the pattern and would like to place it in words, to make sure I'm clear within and as myself as this pattern was a dominant pattern throughout my relationships with my partners.

When I was 16, I met my first boyfriend. We were both at the same age, same Status, we had the same friends and after a while.. I got bored and was willing to leave him and all our friends because our relationship didn't meet with the fantasy relationship that I desired to have - the relationships that I've seen over the TV. Back then, it was Beverly Hills 90210 that was my first cable TV series that I was exposed to.

It was always the time where I've made the decision to suppress my Sexuality and that is another story and SF process that I will walk in details. However, there is a relationship between my need to suppress my sexuality and the creation of the character - I'm bored from this relationship so, I would incorporate the character SF statements when and as the suppressed sexuality from that single moment emerged.

So, I broke up with him and accordingly, started my journey of seeking for, looking for a partner that would meet with the fantasy/illusionary reality that I've created within and as my mind.

The guys that I've hang out with where all over the place, but that what I wanted - some action, some drama, something that would keep me occupied; only what I've not realized was how destructive the journey that I've prepared for myself to walk was…

When and as I met a guy that is "Normal" from the perspective of - his financial future stability is secure, coming from a "good" family, my family would like him, good guy with good values - I ran away as far as I could, making up excuses like - he is a bad kisser, he is a nerd.. Everything that I could fine so that I won't be bound to a boring and unsatisfied life according to my eye's view.

Obviously, as everything - What I observed at home are things that I either liked or disliked and having a boring relationship was something I didn't like because I've defined my parents relationship as boring and made a decision to never create myself the same relationship that they have.

And so, within my next blog, I would walk my process of self forgiveness and self commitments and accordingly, open more points within and as myself.

Also, I suggest listening to:

What is Sex - Who am I as Sex - Part 30

What is Sex - Why am I as Sex - Part 31

For more context, please read -

Sexual Expression – Overview Day 112

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness Part 1 - Day 113

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Commitments - Part 1 - Day 114

Investigating Sexual Expression - Part 2 - Day 121

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Forgiveness - Part 2 - Day 122

Investigating Sexual Expression - Self Commitments - Part 2 - Day 123

Spilling semen in vain - Day 115