Failure of Relationships – Day 15

For additional context please visit my Blog - My relationship with Sex - Day 13+14

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the time loop that I was existing within and as which always led me to the same inevitable point of the failure of the relationships with males and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to take the responsibility and investigate the patterns that kept playing out because I resisted facing the point of relationships and sex and within that, I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and abuse myself further through the deliberate acceptance of cycling the same pattern over and over again.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my responsibility within the failure of my relationships with males throughout my life but only assume that I know the reason why even though the physical consequences revealed to me that I had no clue. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to follow my Ego through the assumption that I’m seeing the point and thus, accepted and allowed myself to compromise, sabotage and abuse myself by ignoring the real core/source point and repeating playing out the same pattern that always lead to the same consequences of the failure of my relationships with males.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that before attempting/trying to walk and agreement/relationship with another, I first have an agreement with myself where I commit to assist and support myself self honestly within my process of stepping out from my own mind and stepping in to the Physical Equality and Oneness reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the failure of my agreement/relationships were inevitable because I have not yet establish an agreement with myself as well as haven’t yet aligned myself to myself; and thus, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into agreement before having the basic foundation for myself because I believed that I require to be in agreement to effectively walk my process however, what I’ve missed was the separation as well as limitation within the belief that one can assist and support me in places that I’m not yet assisting and supporting myself. Within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone can assist and support me without me having to walk the physical correction, without realizing that I’m the only one who is responsible to change and correct myself within a dedicated process of self transformation to a being that is Physically Living in the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the real reason for why I’ve sabotaged my first relationship with my first boyfriend wherein I ended the relationship just before we were about to have sex for the first time because I believed my upbringing which determine that I’m too young to have sex but because I didn’t want to face the shame of standing up to my parents’ upbringing, I decided to end the relationship and wait for the time where it be allowed.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to communicate with my partner about my fears and doubts with relation to having sex and instead, came up with excuses and justification of why we need to break up. Within that, I see and realize that when I’m not communicating points that I’m seeing within myself with my partner, I’m not giving myself the chance to face my fears and the patterns that I lived as thus far and I’m taking from myself the opportunity to change by ignoring and supressing the real issue that I’m dealing with.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my relationship with my partner by remaining quiet and not expressing that which I’m experiencing because i wanted to keep my Ego intact as well as keep on suppressing and hiding to not face myself and actually change.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself fear being intimate with my first partner and because he was very expressive with how he felt about me and was very intimate in his expression when we were together, I made up excuses and justification for why we should break up so that I could hide and run away from being intimate with him as well as facing myself as self intimate.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable with how my partner expressed his feelings towards me because that was new expression to me and I never seen such open love and communication at home before.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to end the relationship with my first boyfriend because this was a new experience for me which I didn’t have the tools to handle and understand because I wasn’t prepared for such expressive and intimate relationship with another human being and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world system where the children are not being prepared for an agreement/relationship with another human beings and instead of directing and supporting them, we infused and impulse ideas as that do not support Life and also, I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to be and become an effective human being that may assist and support by example for the young generation because I’ve not taken the responsibility to face my past as equal and one as me, stand up from within it and change myself according to principle that are best for all lives.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the pattern of fearing being intimate with my partner because I’ve attached, define and connected intimacy to sex only and thus, when and as I sense that my partner is pushing for developing and establishing intimate communication with me, i experience resistance and ending up the relationship instead of facing and walking through the resistance that I’ve created within my mind so that I could for the first time LIVE in this physical reality instead of continuously existing in my mind.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress the fear of intimacy that I’ve created in my childhood years and thus, only went for superficial relationship where I won’t have to push myself to become intimate with myself as well as with my partner.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through the belief that I’m being intimate with my partner because we are having intimate sex however, I haven’t realized that being intimate with myself or another isn’t define through/by sex.

I commit myself to become intimate with myself and walk through the resistance of getting to know myself in my entirety. I commit myself to develop intimacy with myself and stand as example within agreement where we’ll be and become intimate with each other wherein intimacy isn’t defined by sex but as the actual expression of the word Intimacy – In to me I see.

I commit myself to change myself and stand as an example for the children to come, to support and direct them within having an effective agreement with themselves.

I commit myself to walk through every relationship that I have ever had to see the core/source point/pattern that led to the failure of the relationship so that I could sort myself out, establish intimacy with myself and allow myself to be vulnerable, self expressive and open within myself, to myself.  

Limitation according to body appearance – Day 5

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the pattern of comparing self to other beings body appearance and in doing so, we’ve given value to a picture presentation in total separation from who we are and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the definition of beings according to their body appearance instead of realizing that we are all equals in terms of – we all have the same skeleton, we all automatically breathing, we all require food to sustain our human physical body and etc. but we’ve separated ourselves from our human physical body through focusing only on one point as physical appearance and disregarding the obvious – the Equality and Oneness of and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the separation of ourselves from our human physical body through giving value to body appearance and accordingly judge either positively or negatively human beings as well as ourselves and thus, created a separate personalities of and as ourselves according to ideas that we’ve created in relation to where we are on the polarity scale: Beauty/ugly, Thin/Fat, Tall/Short and etc.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed fear of being judged according to body appearance because I know that I’m doing the same – allowing evil thoughts and judgement towards others to exits within me and instead of facing and seeing the evil that is me, I diverted my attention to making sure that I won’t fuel people’s judgement towards me by suppressing my expression.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the definition of human beings according to their body appearance that is based on a polarity and thus, missed the obvious – The Equality and Oneness that the Human physical body stand as an example wherein, The system in the body do not judge/compare/define its body parts according to polarity design but rather, distribute equally the blood, the enzyme and the molecule according to what is necessary to be done to sustain the human body in the upmost sufficient and effective way.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed eating disorder in this world through participating in the value system of the body appearance because I have NOT realized that as long as we define ourselves according to a body appearance and live our lives as a personality that we’ve created in relationship with the body appearance, we’ve silently accepted and allowed the manifested consequences of beings that develop eating disorder.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed eating disorder in this world because I didn’t stand up and expose the imprinting and brainwashing of beings through the media as well as NOT realizing the starting point of the brainwashing of those who control the media which is MONEY and PROFIT because I myself was occupied in my mind through living out the definition of myself in relation to the body appearance in comparison to other beings and in that, abdicating the responsibility of seeing what the fuck we are doing to ourselves, how we abuse and sabotage ourselves and our human physical body through accepting the polarity design in relation to the body appearance to control, enslave and limit ourselves.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed the human physical body to be my directive principle as it is works and functions according to principle of oneness and equality and instead, I’ve accepted and allowed the abuse of the human physical body by participating in the polarity design of body appearance through comparison, judgement and jealousy because this is what I’ve picked up from my environment and the media which I’ve blindly accepted to by my directive principle.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the pattern of jealousy trough comparison in relation to one’s body appearance instead of realizing that jealousy and comparison through accepting the participation with comparison/judgement and jealousy, we occupied within our mind in separation from ourselves and others so that we won’t have to face ourselves, correct and change because we have accepted and allowed the fear of change to enslave, control, limit and direct us.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the world system to be defined by polarities exactly as I’ve defined myself according to Polarities as for example, the comparison and judgement of the human physical body according to its appearance instead of see and realizing the Equality and Oneness that the body is function and exists as but because I’ve not taken the responsibility to face and correct the relationship that I’ve created with the human physical body in separation of me, I’ve also accepted and allowed the relationships in the world system to exists in separation and in that, allowed the world to be and become a world that is in NO way, a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop the participation of comparison, judgement and jealousy towards myself and others, in relation to body appearance. I realize that we are all equally the same but only attached and defined ourselves according to separated picture presentation and in that, we have abused and sabotage ourselves, our world and our human physical body. When and as I see myself accessing comparison and jealousy, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to my human physical body and do not accept and allow the continuation of the back chat. I see what in that moment I’ve missed and or tried to suppress and where am I not align yet to myself where I feel that I’m lacking and others are perfect.

I commit myself to re-lived my childhood through the realization that I’ve not lived as who I am as the physical, but rather limited and compromise myself and my expression to fit into the ideas that I’ve created about myself and for myself. When and as I see that I’m compromising and emotions of ashamedness are coming up, I immediately direct and move myself in the physical, within breath.

I commit myself to face who I am within all the polarities designs that I’ve accepted as me and correct my living application to stand in every moment of every breathe according to principles of Oneness and Equality