Jan 3, 2014 | By: A Woman

I have nothing to do - something must be wrong - Day 437



Full under pressure life reviewWith all the holidays that came up, my work load was extremely low in comparison to the rest of the year. Up until now, holidays didn't affect much the responsibilities that I have but this year, with the type of responsibilities that I'm currently walking, the holidays did have an affect on the tasks I normally walk on a daily basis.

Before the holidays, it pretty much felt like I'm running against time - there was so much to do and at the end of each day I was physically tired and so, the first morning that I had a 'relaxed' day, from the perspective of having far less tasks to apply, I woke up and felt stress within myself. I drank coffee like I do every day though, that morning, there was nothing in particular that I had to do after my morning coffee. The thought came up of: "Is it really that I have nothing to do at this moment? Can it be? Am I manipulating? Did I miss a point? Maybe I should sit all day and write 10 blogs to catch up on all the days that I could get to it? You know... I was stress that I have missed something.

Later on that day, I wanted to enjoy the sun, but because of the stress inside myself, and the busyness that I normally feel, I didn't allow myself to just sit in the sun and enjoy myself, so I took a rake and started raking the grass. After 15 min, the sun hit really bad lol and 'forced' me to take a break.


Another incident that happened about 3 weeks ago - I had a procedure in my eyes and the Doctor ordered me to spend the day in bed. After 3 hours I woke up and I wanted to go back to work. Esteni saw me and couldn't believe that I'm up on my feet again and had to really push me to go back to bed and follow the doctor's orders. After a few hours, I said to her: "You know, I really like being Busy, I don't like it when I have nothing to do"; This was a statement that clearly showed me the polarity that I've created within myself, the like and the dislike; the 'lots to do' and 'nothing to do'; I actually realized that: "ooops, I created a polarized character" meaning - I used to live the character: "I don't have time" and after walking through all the dimensions of that character, I misaligned the correction by creating a new character: "I like being busy" character.


So that morning, when I had nothing much to do "responsibilities wise", I felt this movement inside myself that initially wasn't so clear to me. I just walked around with a 'feeling' that there is something wrong, something isn't right, there must be something that I forgot to do and if I won't do it now, I would be stressed about it in the last moment.


The movement that I experienced within myself was a resonance movement that when I slowed myself down, it physically felt like the body shaking/vibrating inside all of the cells, very quick and short movements back and forth, in a constricted way. When I saw that this is what my body is expressing from the inside, it was clear to me that the stress has manifested on a physical level, as a constant movement inside my physical body and that if I continue to allow this physical manifestation to run amok in my body, it won't take long till physical consequences emerge.


I decided in that moment to stop my participation within stress and to support myself to change this pattern through a day by day living correction wherein the commitment that I've made within myself was to slow down, walk that which must be walked, to allow myself to indulge from time to time, take a break, even a few days if time allows, so long as the indulgent isn't becoming a point of self abuse/sabotage/suppression/isolation.


From time to time the stress point still comes up and thus, I still assist and support myself to stop, and to not accept and allow myself to physically manifest stress within my physical body within the realization that there is really so much that one can do in every given moment.
Realize that this character, as a pattern that I've created within and as myself through time, will also take time and consistency to change as a
physical  living application of myself. I will continue to share points in relation to moments that I've seen within myself in the context of stress and how I assist and support myself to correct the pattern when/as it comes up in a moment.


Stress: The History, Origin and Nature - Atlanteans - Part 97

Stress: Sounding Self Forgiveness - Atlanteans - Part 100

Stress: Personality Development (Part 1) - Atlanteans - Part 98

Stress: Personality Development (Part 2) - Atlanteans - Part 99

Stress: Practical Living Support - Atlanteans - Part 101


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