Oct 21, 2013 | By: A Woman

Manipulation - the Art of Control - Day 418

Continuing with discovering the Art of Control that we so much got used to and without our direct awareness are walking our life within the starting point of Control. In the Previous 2 blogs I was showing examples of how we control specific situations in our lives, as a reaction within ourselves to a specific outcome and how little do we actually embrace moments in assisting and supporting ourselves to step out of our mind and actually investigate and discover who we are in relation to these moments.


Today, I will share a short story of a moment that had happened a few weeks ago, a moment that opened up for me an entire ray of pre-programming that I became aware of.

Esteni and I went to the mall and while we were driving there, I remembered that I needed to also buy a fabric softener in a specific store. To understand the time line of events, I have to give you an idea about this mall lol. This mall is not structured effectively from the perspective of - to cross the mall from one end to the other, you have to walk quite a bit and if you don't have much time, you have to calculate everything specifically to be able to manage your time effectively. The store that I wanted to go to is in the other side of where Esteni and I planned to go to and so, I asked Esteni: "Where do you want to park the car?" but what I really wanted to say was: "please park in the under parking because I need to buy a fabric softener". Before she answered my questioned, I made sure that I will get the answer that I wanted to get and to thus, control the decision to suite my momentary desire. So I said to her: "I'm asking because I would like to go to Dis-chem to buy a fabric softener". Esteni said "Ok" and I felt quiet weird within myself so I took a moment to investigate why the hell I couldn't be direct? Why wasn't I direct by saying: "please park in the under parking because…"?


When investigating the point I have realized that: "OMG" my entire design of communication is of Control and to Control I had to use manipulation. One would think that this is not a big point because no one is getting hurt from such "small manipulation" though, looking at my entire life, how I communicated with people, how I tend to get what I wanted without being direct, by manipulating my environment to get this "little" points as a desired outcome of events.


So I kept investigating and I looked at fears from the perspective of - What is the Fear through which I have programmed myself to communicate indirectly with other human? Is it that bad to get 'No' as an answer? Is my Ego will crash if I be direct and get a 'No' as an answer? Is it that I fear that others will see me as control freak? Is it that I don't want to be perceived pushy?  Gush, this was a revealing point in my process - to see how I have structured my communication with people by manipulating moments to be able to control a moment according to how I wanted the moment to play out.


Obviously there are many dimensions that are connected to the pattern of not being direct in a communication, which I will write about in the future though, here, what we must become aware of is our tendency to indirectly attempt to control a moments.


The fascinating thing was that - when I shared with Esteni what I've seen myself doing, she suggested that I will correct the statement and ask her directly to park in a specific place. You cannot believe how hard it was for me. I felt embarrassed to speak the question directly; I have tried so many times to structure one simple question in a direct way and nothing authentic came up. This showed my how rooted this design is within me - this is how I have expressed myself throughout my entire life so now when I attempted to speak directly, I met with resistance because, as all of us know, change usually start with resistance. So now that the point is 'here', I'm assisting and supporting myself to change the design that I've created as myself and be direct in my communication - there is no magic cure, it is a process that started with a decision to will myself to be direct with myself and others and I commit myself to moment by moment assist and support myself to change my living application, as a living expression of myself where I no longer accept and allow myself to communicate indirectly but instead, assisting and supporting myself to stand as expression of integrity in every given moment within clear and direct communication.


Christian Stahl said...

I do not see the point of manipulation and control in saying: "Where do you want to park the car? It's just a question to coordinate the intentions of you both.

I see manipulation and control rather in the pushy way of saying: "please park in the under parking because…"

A Woman said...

Hi Christian, I replied to your comment in my next blog - http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2013/10/manipulation-art-of-control-part-2-day.html

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