Oct 20, 2013 | By: A Woman

Can a Break-up be Controlled?–Day 417

Within this blog series, we are walking through the multiple dimensions of  the word 'Control' in how, without awareness, we direct our lives within the starting point of Control.
In the last
blog post, we had a look at how through the fear of consequences as an experience of powerlessness, we try to control the outcome as an energy reaction, instead of applying basic common sense by supporting ourselves and others, so that we can self-honestly walk a correction process within the principle of 'Prevention is the best Cure'.


Within this blog, we will look at an example of relationship control, to see, realize and understand that as long as we move ourselves from the starting point of fear where we try to control the undesirable outcome, we are in fact limit and compromise ourselves as a living expression:


So imagine that you were in a relationship and your partner left you for another. The physical event is that the break-up is absolute, there is no way to return the wheel so to speak, there is no way you can get together again with your ex-partner, it's done, the relationship is over.


Now, this is obviously not the outcome we expected, and the event is not controllable from the perspective of we really cannot do anything to change the outcome. So we react, and become depressed, sad, frustrated or hateful and yet, hold onto hope that maybe, just maybe, the outcome would change lol.

The nature of the 'Hope' within that context would be the energy through which within ourselves, we want to control the outcome (change the outcome) because in our mind, we have created alternate reality with our partner, separate from ourselves and our partner and now the physical reality no longer support our illusionary reality that we so want to control.

Some will try to manipulate to achieve the desirable outcome by convincing themselves that they must get their partner back. Others would jump to the next relationship within the attempt to re-live the alternate reality they have created in their mind by replacing the picture of the ex partner with a new partner.

Some will give up on relationships overall because in their mind - if they can't be with the ex partner, they cannot be with any partner.


What none of us normally do is for a moment STOP, investigate and learn something about ourselves; see how can we expand ourselves and learn from the relationship, from ourselves within the relationship; questioning the alternate reality as a relationship we created in our minds; assessing whether the relationship was effective and supportive, what must we correct within ourselves to establish an effective relationship in the future; to investigate the Fears behind our want/need/desire to control the outcome of the relationship; why is it that we are so afraid to be alone; there is so much one can investigate and learn from one's past relationships if one will oneself to actually assist and support oneself.


The interesting this is that no one actually realize that with the relationship being done, a new window of opportunity opens where we can practically apply the necessary correction within oneself and thus, be able to establish a relationship that is based on agreement to assist and support oneself and each other to grow, expand and empower one another. So, within our desire to control just one specific outcome, we do not see how we limit and sabotage ourselves in walking just one desire outcome without even seeing that there is much out there that we haven't considered within and as ourselves. 


What we must become aware of is that as long as we desire to control the outcome of our next relationship, once we accept that the previous one is done is that we will change and mold ourselves to a personality that fits with a desirable outcome where we could have a sustainable / long term relationship. Here, what one is not seeing, realizing and understanding is that within the desire to control undesired outcomes, for instance, breaking up, one is willing to compromise and limit oneself to such an extent where one would completely change oneself and disregard one's value system, for the sake of having the desirable outcome of a relationship, as an idea that one had created in one's mind.

The fear of breaking up/being alone will be the directive principle of one's relationship and thus, to control the fear, one would "play the game" even if playing the game isn't what is best for oneself or for the other within the relationship.


This is an extreme example to show you what are we missing so long as we tie ourselves to only one expected/desirable outcome. Who knows how many opportunities to learn, expand and grow ourselves we disregarded because our desire to control the outcome which created a smoke screen upon the physical reality that blinded us from seeing what was here all along.


More in my next blog 


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