So during the week, I accumulated many moments where I wasn't 'here' from the sense of being too much in the mind, looking at the next moment/task/assignment/meeting, worrying about what needs to be done, what is coming ahead and on top of that, on a physical level, I didn't sleep much and so basically, everything compounded within and as myself.
By the sixth day, when I did have a moment to rest and "recharge" myself so to speak, I found that I was not able to because I was too busy in my mind, planning, looking, structuring the next week lol.
At some stage I had enough and decided to take responsibility for this point but yet, within a reaction so in other words, the decision to take responsibility for this point was not genuine and thus shortly later, I went back to the same state of mind - stressful, worried, concerned and so forth.
So practically, I was like a zombie, wasn't really functioning, focused and 'here' and so, my productivity level was not as effective as I know myself to be. That created even more stress because I still had to complete all my responsibilities and with me not being productive, I started to judge and be frustrated with myself. I was irritated by everything and everyone and by the next day, it was so much inside my mind that I was emotionally unstable nor grounded and it had obviously created consequences with my direct environment because I wasn't pleasant being to be around.
Then, another point opened up in terms of my responsibilities that I decided to walk and at that stage, I was overwhelmed and couldn't see how the hell am I going to do everything lol.
The first thing that I really had to realize is that - the responsibilities that I'm walking now are accumulation of decisions that I've made throughout my life - to place myself in specific situations/responsibilities, to walk specific points, to stand where I am standing now. Within that, realizing that I was the one who made these decisions, I am the one who is able to stand by these decisions and thus, all I require to is to shift around the priorities within my day to day schedule and accordingly, walk moment by moment within the principle of what would be the best application in any given moment in time. See, the problem was that I was trying to do is everything at once which created a lot of pressure and stress within myself, and my body. However, with shifting around the priorities, I could see that practically, I can apply everything I set myself for.
So, how to bring these realizations to a practical living application -
From the understanding that who I am is an accumulation of decisions that I've made, self responsibility is possible. What does it practically mean is that - I trust myself that I will get everything done, I've done and proven it before and what wasn't in alignment was the way I had prioritized my time in relation to my responsibilities. Meaning - instead of walking around stressful for everything that needs to be done, I give my absolute focus to each task that I apply, checking, assessing that I haven't miss anything, cross referencing and from there, move to the next moment.
Sometime other points will become a priority and I will give for a moment attention to the other priority and then ensure that I go back and complete the other task. This is essence means - moment by moment as a living application which must be practiced over time and the beauty within it all that within a moment by moment application one can actually expand oneself unlike with a stressful application where one is in essence limit one's expression.
In blogs to come, I would also share and expand a bit more what does it means: "Business comes first", "Process comes first", "Children come first" as this is a crucial point to realize when applying the principle of that which is best for all in a moment by moment living application.
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Art work - http://henrimag.com/blog1/
1 comments:
thanks for sharing Maya, very supportive!
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