Fear of Ending up Alone

 Day 1

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed my starting point of making decisions to be based on competition and jealousy instead of common sense decisions which I require to take the following points into consideration: where I am in my process, where is my potential partner in his process, whether it is practical in terms of living conditions, whether it is practical in terms of future plans of myself within the group and the existential process.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the fear of ending up alone without a partner to influence my decision to get into agreement/relationship and within that, compromise myself through being in agreement when I’ve not yet aligned myself to myself where I can stand in stability with no matter whom I am with and the consequences thereof will be slowing me and my process down.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the fear of ending up alone to develop into desire to be in relationship and thus, I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make decisions according to this one single point of fear of being alone, to enslave, control and direct me and in that, I’ve abdicated the responsibility to face the fear of ending up alone through participating in energy as desire to be in relationship in my mind instead of be and become the directive principle of myself and my world and practically and physically face that which I’ve become in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the fear of ending up alone to be my starting point of my decision to engage with potential partner and in that, I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself through instead of facing and walking through the fear, I’ve went into my mind as the desire to be in a relationship, not even willing to admit to myself that fear is what I have become and what I’ve existed as.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the belief that I must be in a relationship with a partner so that I won’t end up alone for the rest of my life to influence, enslave and control me and thus as the time pass by, I’ve build up stress within me through thinking “I must be in a relationship already”, “I’m 31 and I still don’t have a partner”, “I must have a partner as soon as possible”.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed building up pressure and stress within me in relation to not having  a relationship/agreement yet because of the fear of ending up alone and thus, I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compromise for a partner that will fill the spot, not considering or willing to see how I’ve compromised myself within those decisions wherein I’m making a decision based on my fears instead of making decisions that are based on common sense and practical physical alignment that will support me in my process.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed the decisions with regards to agreement/relationships to be based on what will support me the best in my process and instead, I’ve settled for everything that came by so that there would be no chance of me ending up alone.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to occupy my mind within the desire of being in a relationship/agreement, to not face the core/source point of the fear to end up alone.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that through the fear of ending up alone, I allow myself to manipulate men in my life into being in relationship/agreement with me when and as I feel threatened that another woman will “win” the guy as well as regret that i would later on feel through thinking that I could do something to get what I want but I didn’t. Within that, I forgive myself that I have NOT seen that the jealousy which I experienced towards the woman was generated as a defence mechanism that I’ve activated through believing that the woman is compromising my chances to get the object/man that I require to hide behind my fear of ending up alone.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make decisions based on my perception of losing time before I end up being alone without considering the real physical reality as well as what would be practically support me and my world in my process.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that through fear of ending up alone, I miss the answer that was always here – me. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that I can end up alone, in separation of me and all that exists in this existence and within that, I’ve limited myself to such an extent wherein, I’ve continuously and consistently only focused on one point which was the desire for relationship without realizing that this one point can only exists through my accepted participation and preoccupation in my mind as energy personality, instead of simply being here, in my human physical body, embracing, Worthing and supporting me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the fear of ending up alone to exists within and as me and in that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed my existence of fear of ending up alone to direct my life and my world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to attach the belief/thought: “those that end up alone are losers” to the fear of ending up alone.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘unworthiness’ to ending up alone and thus, due to me being alone, I couldn’t embrace myself as worthy and allowed self abuse and sabotage through compromising for any male that would agree to be with me, just to be able to define myself as worthy.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as unworthy as long as I don’t have a relationship/agreement because I’ve attached worthiness to having a partner. Which within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire, want and need agreement/relationship to be able accept myself as worthy as well as being validated as worthy by society.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the extent of separation that I’ve allowed to exists within and as me through the fear of ending up as well as not realizing that aloneness is a limited perception that I’ve believed in through separating myself from myself and this physical world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see one of my relative who is single and old and assumed that she is miserable and lonely and thus, made the decision in very young age that I won’t end up alone like she did, not realizing that the decision was made in separation of me due to the allowance of fear that I’ve accepted to exists within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see my older sister when she was 28 years old depressed and lonely for not being in a relationship and thus, I’ve made the decision to not end up alone when I was 28 years old, not seeing and understanding that the decision was made out of fear of ending up alone, in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that ending up alone will make me be lonely and depressive, because I’ve not realized that those emotions are self created decisions that I’ve decided to live as, in separation of me through participating in my mind consistently and continually instead of remaining here, in my human physical body.

When and as I see myself thinking about a potential partner, I immediately stop, breath and making sure that I’m within my human physical body. I use this opportunity to test my application in relation to letting go of the fear of ending up alone and thus, I’m assessing my starting point within engaging/walking towards an agreement with this person.

When and as I see myself in a process of manipulate a being to be in agreement with me, I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here. I will not accept and allow any decision that is based on the fear of ending up alone and thus, I’m the directive principle of myself and my world and will not take any shit from myself. I’ve realized how I’ve sabotage and abused myself within decision making that where based on the fear of ending up alone, I see where those decisions took me and thus - Till here no further.

I commit to myself to NOT accept and allow myself to participate within the fear of ending up alone because I see and realize that I’m Here, with all that exists and that aloneness can exists ONLY within one’s mind in total separation from oneself and one’s world.