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For many years I
believed that change is a process that would take time; that there are many
things that needs to be in place before I could change; that change, is only a
change if it is done in absolute; I had many ideas of what change is though
today, I am looking at change differently - change is a decision that I am
making for and as myself in any given moment, with every breath that I take.
When slowing myself
down, I see that there is a window of change in every breath I take where the
inhale is where I take all the information in (thoughts, memories,
associations, pictures) so that I could look at my mind's preprogramming, the
playouts, the consequences, etc. and in the exhale, I forgive myself, and make
the decision to let go of the preprogramming and by letting go, I create a
space for my expression to step forward into a living expression that is based
on the principles that I set myself to live as and by.
In that moment of
breath, a decision is done to no longer accept the past automated pattern to
stand as my directive principle with no direct awareness of myself and to
instead, decide who I am in that moment of time, what I accept and allow and
what I would not.
This doesn't mean
that now I am changed as a physical path have to be walked and consciously,
repeatedly change the automated pattern when/as it comes up as I move through
all the dimensions/layers that the mind automated pattern is conditioned by,
until eventually, one day, in one breath, the automated pattern cease to exists
and a living expression of myself can emerge.
Many believes that
if one makes a decision to change and one haven't yet stopped one's
participation with a specific pattern, that one fell in their process of change
but this is not so. Here, we all must understand that it took time/space for an
automated pattern to manifest on a physical level as well as all the mind
layers that are involved, the memories, pictures, energies and so forth - we
have to walk through all of these layers in specificity to understand how we
created this pattern, what is the source of this pattern, what activates the
patterns in the physical reality and through this understanding, we forgive
ourselves for creating and participating with a mind pattern without awareness
and so, we make the decision to remove/walk through one layer at a time, until
it is done.
It may
"feel" the same when we find ourselves repeating the same pattern
though, each time, we have access to discover/unfold another layer of
ourselves, get to know the source of ourselves and again, make a decision to
stop participation with the pattern through self forgiveness and physical self
commitment to support ourselves to real-time change.
If anything, I found
that change is not difficult in itself - it is the resistance prior to the
change that make change feels overwhelming. Thus, within that, what I do to
assist and support myself in these moments of resistance to change is to remind
myself that it is just a mind program, it is not who I am, it is not how I
define as and with the 'difficulty' of moving myself towards the inhaled breath
of change, I remind myself to stop making the 'program' personal. What I mean
by that - I found for instance that in many cases, the route of the resistance
to change that I experience, has to do with self-judgment for instance: "I
can't believe I did that" or "I can't believe I became that"
type of thing. This is me taking the mind programming personally as if I am
defined by what I have done, by the mistakes that I have made though, who I am
and what I define myself as is not the mind programming that I was
participating with - it is who I am in every moment of breath that counts - the
ability to embrace the mistakes that I made and allow myself to learn, align
and change myself.
So, if we look at
change in a linear line, yes, it is a process as it takes and physical playouts
to walk through all the dimensions and layers that were physically conditioned
within ourselves however, real change - it is the inhaled breath, that is done
in real time, where we break through the resistance and allow ourselves to step
back, investigate, make conscious decision and continue to the next moment, the
next breath.
We have to stop
judging ourselves when we find ourselves repeating playing the same pattern; we
need to stop to take our mind programming personally; we need to start being
humble with ourselves and allow ourselves to make real time decisions to
change, allow ourselves to live in every given moment as an expression of
ourselves within the understanding and the commitment that it would take time,
but it is in between the breath that change is possible and so, we accumulate
these in-breath moments, developing self trust, self worthiness as a decision
that we make for ourselves.
To end this blog
with, I would like to remind myself and my readers the following:
"… I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not realize that resistance to change is indicating the
control of the accepted and allowed patterns of my current limited version of
me as self interest that occupies the space and time that I realize I must
change to become that which is best for all life as me in the part I am as
participation in the current accepted whole as the one system that exist as
humanity and this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the
automated self as the integral mind patterns that has become the accepted
version of me to run the physical as the idea of me regardless of the fact that
it would participate as me without consideration of what is best for all life.
I commit myself to accept resistance when I walk the
change as the way I remove that which I have accepted and allowed until that
time and to realize that the resistance will stop once I have removed the
preprogrmmed idea of self. I commit myself to seek out resistance in every way
as that is my roadmap to find what I still allow as the limited
preprogrammed version of myself. I commit myself to not stop till I have found
every resistance that exist as part of me and have freed myself from the ignorance
I have given the idea of life to in the age of my self interest. I commit
myself to never give up no matter what till there is no more resistance to that
which is best for all life in every way forever more… "
asia aka Khoma Joanna Syze Ohm Resistance - Rodina,
2011 - See more at:
http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2014/12/why-change-is-so-difficult-day-497.html#sthash.My8pNd1W.dpuf
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