
What I have found within myself
when meeting new people is a point of self-diminishment where I would assess in
that moment who I believe the other person is and what would the other person
expect me to be so that I would be accepted in their eyes' view. After making
the initial assessment, I would then mold and change myself to what I believe
to be the most suitable personality and accordingly, I would present myself to
the other person within that specific personality. But who I am in those
moments?
So I started exploring myself in
new environments, seeing the thought patterns that comes up, seeing how I would
assess the environment and how I would make the decision to lock and block my expression to suite what I believed the
environment wants me to express.
This opened a whole can of worms
inside of me as I was going back in time, looking at my life and realized that
more than often, I did things to please other people, did things that I thought
other people would have expected of me, doing and saying the 'right' things to
make sure there is no frictions in my relationships with others but on a deeper
dimensions, I was indirectly seeking for others' approval of me while in fact
never actually allowing 'me'
to be fully expressed and lived as I was always controlling my expression to
only express that which I believed others would feel comfortable/pleased with.
Within this, I created
ineffective relationships where I was trying to get something out of the
relationship as an idea that I had created in the mind and within that, not
allowing myself to really explore and get to know people because that may be in
friction to how I had believed they would have see me, and therefore
simultaneously had created my own imprisonment where I projected onto people
that they wanted me to be a certain way and thus limiting my own
self-expression through the fear of them not wanting to be around me if I do
not 'fit' a particular profile.
I can no longer live with this
imprisoned beliefs and therefor I say stop - I will no longer accept and allow
this idea to govern my reality and who I am within my self-expression.
I reached a point in my life
where I no longer want to fight with myself, no longer want to experience
fluctuation of energies, I just want to be, to express me.. No more having to
mold and change myself for other people, I had enough.
So I am committed to walk the
physical change from imprisoned and diminished expression to a fully lived
expression as who I am in any given moment of breath. Will share more as I
continue walking this path of self expression.
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