Oct 18, 2015 | By: A Woman

Locking yourself in your mind through Expectations Part 2 - Day 524

As explained in the previous  blog post, expectations are coming from our memory data base. Each memory can either contains a negative (example: fear), a positive (for instance: excitement) or a neutral experience.

For instance, we can expect that the baby who is with us in the kitchen, will want to explore everything that we do in the kitchen and therefore, they would reach their hands towards the oven's door.
In this scenario, our expectations would either carry a negative reaction such as fear that the baby will get burned by the oven's heat; or we would be neutral to the experience and we trust ourselves that we would calmly direct the situation to the best possible outcome as explained in the previous blog.

We want to get ourselves to a point of neutrality where our past memories do not shape, hold power and create our present and future moments. Where we can look with common sense at any given situation and decide which/what direction to take, that would bring the best possible outcome to whomever is involved as.

Where and how to start -

Step 1:
Look at your day and identify 3-5 moments where you had an expectation that something NEGATIVE would happened.
Look at your day and identify 3-5 moments where you had an expectation that something POSITIVE would happened.
(Note - At this step, all you need to do is write down a list of the Negative and Positive expectations)

Step 2:
Take 1 Negative expectation and 1 Positive expectation from your list that you wrote down in step 1 and identify the memory that is associated with your positive/negative expectation.

For example, say that you identified in step 1 that at one point during your day, you expected your baby to touch the oven's door and you reacted in fear to the situation.
In step 2, you will investigate the memory that is associated with the expectation above:

"When I was 3 years old, I was with my mother in the kitchen while she was cooking and I wanted to see what she is doing with the tray in the oven; so I opened the oven's door to take out the tray and check out what is inside BUT, the tray was super hot and I got 2 degree burn. My mother started shouting and fricking out; I remember how painful it was and I have a scar till this day… So now, every time I see a little child/baby by the oven, this memory comes up of how my mother rushed me in the hospital.

This step is to support you with identifying how a past memory that is contaminated with negative emotion is locking you in your mind because whenever you see a child nearby an oven, you are kind of fricking out and expecting the child to do what you did as a child.

Step 3:
Preparing for a real time correction - Take your writing from step 2 and see how you can prepare yourself for the next moment you see a child by the oven.
For example, write down a corrective statement - Every time I see a child nearby an oven, I firstly take a breath.
"I remind myself that holding onto my own past memory is like locking myself in my own mind where I am unable to assess my direct environment and decide on the best approach at any given moment.
In fact, as long as I react in fear to the situation, I most likely create that which I fear and the child will get hurt. Why, because I am not standing as a support structure for this baby where I take them through the time lines of potential consequences and provide them with possible solution. And thus, Instead of standing as a point of guidance for the child, I am reacting in fear and the child is not educated on WHY they must not touch the hot surface without protection devices/tools like for instance, silicon gloves.
This is why, I commit myself to, in the best of my ability, discuss the point with the child and share with them the consequences of touching hot surface without designated tools to protect the hands/body from the heat. "

So here are a few steps to help you identifying your negative/positive reactions to past memories that are controlling your day to day reality as you expect the memories to manifest again. Once Identified, you can start structuring your correction to get yourself to neutrality in these specific situations.


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