Continuing to explore, investigate and see who, why and what I am as sex. For quite some time, I've been resisting walking my Agreement course due to "knowing" I would have to forgive myself for that which I've accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed on my past choices and partners. BUT - as I was walking my last few blogs, I've realized that the only one who judge me is myself because I haven't unconditionally forgiven myself. I used to take my past personally and feel regret and shame for the choices I've made. Now, I realize that what ever I've decide previously was only came from the patterns/characters/personalities that I've created throughout my life, in separation and deliberately blindness. So, why should I judge something I can change? I should I judge something I wasn't even aware I was responsible for? Why should I judge my own creation if I can recreate it? and so.. This topic had come - "Multiple Partners - Shame on you".
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what I've chosen in my past and in that, perpetuating how powerless I am in standing and taking responsibility to stop recreating myself as an automated organic robot.
I now see, realize and understand that judging myself for the choices I've made is pointless and useless and I rather apply myself within the principle of what is best for all within the starting point of making the choices that would result with the best and utmost outcome for all.
I commit myself to when and as I see myself judging myself for the choices I've made in my past with regards to my partners, I stop, I breathe and I align myself to myself as my physical human body. I realize that continuing judging myself wouldn't change the fact that it was always me who made the decisions and it would always be me who makes decision in every moment of every breath and thus, I assist and support myself with aligning myself to what I've accepted and allowed within and as myself and accordingly, stand as the directive principle and change myself breath by breath, step by step, within and as that which is best for all.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to my past as the choices I've made with regards to sex, sexuality and partners when and as I investigate the patterns/characters that I've accepted and allowed within and as myself. In this, I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself for taking the responsibility in assisting and supporting myself to change and in this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take that which I've become personally instead of realizing that I've created myself as a victim to my own programming but in every moment, there is a window of opportunity as breath, to stand up, change and stop recreating the consequences that I've continuously created throughout my life and in this, I am the one who decide.
I see, realize and understand that reacting to who I was in my past is pointless and useless because my past doesn't define me but Who I am within the decisions that I make breath by breath are the ones I would utilize to measure my self honesty in terms of my change and accordingly, in self honesty assess what points I require to go deeper when and as I see a thought/reaction that comes up in relation to my past within my relationship to sex, sexuality and my ex partners.
I commit myself to STOP reacting and taking myself personally as I see, realize and understand the programming that was involved and how I'm directly responsible for everything I've chosen throughout my life and thus, I commit myself to transform my reactions towards my past to moments of opportunities where I'm able to assist and support myself in seeing the pattern that played out, my responsibility within it and through a process of physical self forgiveness application, I assist and support myself in self honesty to release the energetic expression that I've become and stand as a physical expression as who I am in every moment of breath.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as dirty for the choices I've made in my past with regards to sex, sexuality and partners and instead of realizing what led me to the choices I've made through walking the time line from the trigger point to the activation point through the end line and see the pattern that played out, I've disrespected myself by judging myself, believing that I'll become clean if I suppress my past and won't have sex for a while.
I see, realize and understand now that avoiding myself through suppression and denying myself physical sex is not a solution and as long as I won't sort myself out through a process of forgiveness in self honesty, I would always judge myself even if it's burry deep inside myself.
I commit myself to dig myself back to earth, to the physical reality, to myself, as I've accepted and allowed myself to suppress that which I've become through believing that if I won't think about it, I'll be ok. I now see, realize and understand that as long as I would accept and allow the past old programs that I've created and installed within and as my flesh to run in the back ground of my automated organic robotic life, I would repeat the same patterns again and again and again and thus, I commit myself to stop, take responsibility, apply myself, change myself and LIVE!
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to look back at my life in shame for the choices I've made in relation to sex, sexuality and partners and I haven't realized that I can utilize the shame to support myself instead of diminishing myself through going back in time within writing the time lines and correct that which I see to be required for correction so that I could re-create myself as a physical living human being that walk in every moment of breath as that which is best for all if I allow myself to forgive myself and transform myself from energy vampire to physical best for all living application, breath by breath.
I see, realize and understand how and why I've used Shame to destroy myself, to diminish and disrespect myself and within that, haven't given myself a chance to correct Who I am within the choices I've made and thus, I see, realize and understand that I've abused and sabotaged myself through the experience of shame because I've not transform the shame into gift of self introspection from the starting point of assisting and supporting myself to change who and what I've become but rather used the experience of shame to enslave myself into self unworthiness that led to years of not being able to sustain a relationship because I haven't respected and trusted myself enough to be of worth to anything or anyone.
I commit myself to unconditionally forgive myself for my past actions, behaviour, patterns and to STOP the cycle of abuse and sabotage within and as myself by giving value to my past as that which defines me.
I realise that I've not defined by my past unless I decides to because I'm only the one who decide.
I realize that I've a window of opportunity to assist and support myself with stopping the cycle of self abuse and transform into and as a physical living human being that walk in every breath according to that which is best for all.
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